30 Days of SaNa
by dandy wonderous
Summary: A whole month of SaNa fluff! Written for Round Two of 30 onepiece's 30 Themes challenge. Various ratings. Day 30-Whale-They were finally a family. At last. COMPLETE! Goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight...
1. 100

Hey! Guess who's still alive and back for more one-a-day ficage? Go on, guess!

…You're right! Elvis!

Okay, so unfortunately not; Elvis has not returned from outer space to write OP fanfiction. But I have! XD

This is round two of 30_onepiece's 30 themes challenge over at livejournal, which ends today. I did, indeed, finish on time (actually posted number thirty a few hours ago) and snagged my second Gold Roger award. YES! For those of you not in the know, I did SaNa this time, mostly romantic but some nakamaship here and there. I logged a LOT more words this time around than last time, and I enjoyed it, but I am never, EVER doing a pairing for one of these things again!

…Until a list REALLY makes me think of Zotash or something.

Anywho, for those of you who read "Thirty Days with Sanji," the same thing will be going on here; I'll post one fic a day for the next thirty days. Ratings and genres vary, but there is very little angst this time around as compared to last time (other than cracky angst, which is different).

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HATE SANA AND YET ARE BRAVING THIS ANYWAY: I will be including a "Fluff Rating" at the beginning of every fic that includes their relationship status and such, so you'll know beforehand if it'll make you want to gag or not. There are actually very few "getting together" fics; most of them have Sanji and Nami in an established relationship (because I like writing about established relationships better than writing about people falling in love).

Thanks once again to Abra Cadaverous for doing beta work and putting up with SaNa spam for three months! ^^

Now that this is done, I'll have some time to work on "real" stuff, like the last chapter of "Kiss Kiss" (which, contrary to popular opinion, is NOT finished). I'll also start being better about replying to pms again, which reminds me, I have a good thirty unread pms in my inbox, so if you've messaged me and I haven't replied, it's nothing personal, I've just been very busy and I've been writing and reading and reviewing and that's more or less it.

I hope everyone enjoys these!

**Title:** Tally Marks

**Theme:** 100

**Words:** 1,672

**Rating:** K+

**Fluff Rating:** Sanji and Nami are in a sort of "friends with benefits" relationship here; not really together but not wholly platonic. Not really fluffy until the very end.

**Warnings:** A curse or two, cross-dressing

**Notes:** I've finally accepted Sanji's predicament and am starting to have fun with it, though I certainly hope he'll return to normal once they all reunite. Also, there is a fic by dixxymouri done last round that has Sanji being found by the exact same crewmembers, which was not intentional on my part, it just worked out that way.

**Summary:** It's been one hundred days in hell, and still no sign of his nakama.

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Tally Marks

By Dandy Wonderous

Sanji drew a mark through the four chalk tallies on the wall and then sat back to look at his handiwork. Twenty sets. There were twenty sets of tallies on the wall.

A hundred days.

He sighed and pulled out a cigarette, lighting up in agitation. He was sitting on the small bed the Kamabakka natives had given him, wearing a white tank top and a lacy slip. The tallies were all over the wall of the bare bedroom, making it look like a prison cell, and if you were to ask the cook, he would say this was an accurate description.

One hundred days. How had he not killed himself by this point?

As though in answer to his own question, he pulled out the vivre card. He always had it on him, close to his cigarettes. It pointed the way back to his crew, and even if the okama weren't letting him leave yet, there was still the chance that he could make it.

_If they haven't already met back up and left me._

Sanji forced that thought away violently. His nakama would never abandon him, not while they knew there was still hope that he was alive and waiting for them.

_If _they're_ even alive and waiting._

This thought died alongside the other, and Sanji wore his cigarette down to a stub in record time. His thoughts simply refused to stay in line today.

He looked back at the tallies on the wall. It didn't really matter, he supposed, how long he had been here, but he'd been compelled to find some chalk and start keeping track anyway. It was like when he'd been on that rock so long ago; the tallies were the only thing that reminded him that it was a relatively short part of his life, that it hadn't simply always been that way and that everything before wasn't just a dream. It had a beginning, and it would hopefully have an end, too.

This time, of course, he was well-fed and not on the brink of death. Then again, he was filled with a different kind of hunger now, one that was sharper and more painful.

He missed getting bugged about meat at every waking hour of the day (and most of the sleeping ones). He missed outrageous lies told by a boy with shaking knees. He missed concerned twittering and the quick clicking of hooves on wood. He missed fighting an idiot marimo who was his only competition half the time. He missed making coffee late at night or early in the morning even though she insisted he didn't have to. He missed the out-of-tune strumming of a guitar and incessant demands for cola. He missed the gentle playing of a violin on a calm night while he was washing dishes.

And most of all, he missed the sharp smell of tangerines drifting out of golden orange hair as she pressed back against him and the threats of outstanding payments with every kiss he managed to steal and the way she commanded with such absolute authority as she guided her ship unflinchingly through a storm.

He looked at the tallies on the wall and wondered if anyone else-if _she_-was counting the days as well.

Then he tossed the cigarette butt into an ashtray and pulled on a canary yellow dress with white daisy floral print, ready for yet another day in hell.

* * *

Sanji had a plan, if his crew was to suddenly show up here one day. It was a good plan, if he did say so himself, one that minimized embarrassment and kept his pride intact. He had managed to save his tattered, bloody suit from the ravishings of the okama, and he had strategically hidden it away, not too far from the island's only pier. If he saw them or the _Thousand Sunny_, he would run, change into the suit, and then just "happen" to run into them in town. Then the girls, or at least the one that was there, would cry out in joy and throw her arms around him and cover him with kisses and happy tears and tell him how much she missed him, and she'd be wearing only a bikini and… oh, mellorine!

Yes. That was how it was going to go.

Sanji held onto this daydream, periodically checking on his suit to make sure it was still there. Some days it was the only thing keeping him from going completely stir-crazy, that dream he had, and so he clung to it like a life raft.

But then, on that hundredth day, as he was in search of ripe tomatoes and trying to ignore the idiots around him skipping and throwing confetti, he heard an all too familiar voice.

"Whoa!!! Everything's PINK!!!"

Sanji dropped the fruit in his hand in shock, afraid to look. He had heard it clear as a bell, but maybe he had finally cracked and was hallucinating.

"Cute boy," commented the tomato vender. "He'd look great in a red sundress."

Now Sanji _had_ to look.

Luffy was standing at the crest of a hill, eyes big and sparkly like they usually were when he found something interesting. There was laughing behind him, and then a scary man in what Sanji assumed to be some kind of leotard and with a huge, heavily make-upped head, appeared behind him. "Pretty, isn't it?" he asked.

"Ivankov!" gasped half the people around him, but Sanji was deaf to their astonishment. Luffy, his captain, was _here_, barely a hundred yards away, looking just as exuberant as always.

Then, behind the big man, other forms appeared. "These are some weird guys," commented Franky, cresting the hill first.

"What's with the dresses?" asked Zoro, coming up next to him, and Sanji had never been so happy to see the cyborg and marimo in his life.

But then his joy of all joys joined them, and Sanji's heart nearly stopped beating.

"This is so creepy," said Nami, taking a defensive step toward Zoro instinctively. "They're all okama." She paused, taking in the scene. "They have good taste in shoes."

The cook, seeing her there, real as the mascara on his eyelashes, so close to him, lost all control. He forgot his plan. He forgot that he even _had_ a plan. With a cry he ran toward her, vaulting past most okama and mowing over the others with his heels. Nami shrieked in surprise as he barreled into her, nearly knocking her down, and wrapped his arms around her and clung there. Next to her, a startled Zoro had one of his swords half unsheathed, and Franky's hand had retreated to show the barrel of a gun.

The second Sanji could feel her under his hands, he knew for sure it was all real. He didn't care that he was in a dress or that Zoro was seeing it or that his pride had probably just suffered its biggest hit of all time because _Nami_ was wrapped in his arms, and he was wrapped in the smell of tangerines and sea salt and maybe she wasn't wearing a bikini, but the tank top and short skirt were more than enough.

"Hey, you-" Zoro started to growl out, but Nami raised a hand as much as she could to stop him.

Then, in disbelief, she asked, "Sanji-kun?"

"Nami-san!" he sobbed into her shoulder. "It's been so awful! They made me dress like this! And it's been so long since I heard your beautiful voice!"

"Sanji-kun?" she repeated. He pulled his head up with a sniff and nodded at her.

"What is it you desire of me, Nami-san?"

"Sanji-kun!" To his pleasant surprise, she flung her arms around his neck and hugged him, laughing happily. "We found you!"

"SAAAN-JIII!" A streak of pure rubbery muscle slammed into his side, knocking him away from her. He stared down at his captain in fake annoyance, glad to see him okay as well.

"Luffy, you shithead, let me go!" he demanded, even as he fought the urge to ruffle the boy's hair.

A hand slapped his back, nearly sending him tripping over (the world was just determined to make him lose his balance today, it seemed). "Good to see you, Curly-cook!"

"Don't call me that!" he snapped. Then, with a little dread, he looked over at Zoro, who was in complete shock, hand still on the hilt of Wado.

After a moment of gaping, Zoro composed himself and released the sword. "…You're in a dress."

"No shit," he growled back, his eyes promising pain if the swordsman even _thought_ about saying more, but Zoro had already lapsed into laughter.

Sanji had been ready to beat the shit out of him, but then Nami spoke again, and he was distracted completely as she took his hand and announced that she was taking him back to the ship they had come in on to find something he would rather wear, and he trailed after her, smiling goofily with little hearts trailing from his eyes.

And with his hand locked in hers, he didn't even care that, behind him, Zoro was still laughing.

* * *

Sunset found Sanji in the kitchen of the ship (wearing some shorts and a t-shirt Nami had found). It was nice, but he looked forward to the day when he was back in the _Sunny_'_s_ kitchen, cooking for all of his crew rather than just half of it.

He was just finishing up some soup when suddenly he felt arms wrap around his waist and a head rest against his back.

"Only a few hours and your clothes already reek of smoke," said his hugger, and his heart leapt at Nami's voice. She breathed in the scent some more. "You know, I've gone one hundred days without this smell."

Sanji's eyes widened. He hadn't been the only one counting days after all.

He turned and gathered her into his arms. "If you want, Nami-san, you'll never have to go a day without it again."

"Good."

**The End**

* * *

A/N: Hmm, I'd forgotten how fluffy that was at the end there. This was written early on.

Oh, and one more thing: I will, for the most part, be posting these in the order the prompts are listed in, but I'll stop and go out of order for three chapters because they together are a three-shot. You'll see when we get there.

Again, I hope everyone enjoys these! See you tomorrow!


	2. Explosive

Sorry this is late, guys. Ffn wouldn't let me upload anything yesterday for some reason.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANJI!!!!

I do want to do a b-day fic for Sanji (duuuuuh), but I spent most of today in a hypnotic state (no lie; I really got hypnotized) and had no time. And I probably won't ALL WEEK!!! Lamentations!!! So… next week? IT WILL HAPPEN! I must indulge in Sanji lovin'.

Oh, AAAAND chapter 19 of Amethyst Turtle's "Satirical Lawlz" reminded me that I don't have a disclaimer for this fic! This is serious; I might get sued!!! Oh noes! So here is Kumadori to help me give the disclaimah!

Kumadori: Yoyoi! Oh mother, Dandy/Does not own this fanfiction/Cherry blossom snow! …Wait, what was that?

Dandy: I have more important things to do than think up haikus for you.

Kumadori: It's myyyy faaault for have such an exceeessive speech pattern! Seppuku! …Tekkai!

Dandy: JUST DISCLAIM THE FIC ALREADY!

Fukurou: Dandy owns nothing. And she lies; she's not busy just lazy.

Dandy: SHUT UP!

And then the author was smited by angry fans. The end!

**Title:** The Fire of Love

**Theme:** Explosive

**Words:** 1,228

**Rating:** T+

**Fluff Rating:** Sanji and Nami are boyfriend/girlfriend and about to, as the song says, get it on. Read at your own risk!

**Warnings:** Prelemon, Disrobement, Cursing, Spontaneous Combustion

**Notes:** I actually believe that this could possibly happen to Sanji. I mean, it seems possible, right? Or am I the only crazy one?

**Summary:** Whenever he gets really mad, he bursts into flame. So what happens when OTHER emotions get too high?

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The Fire of Love

By Dandy Wonderous

It was supposed to be one of the greatest nights of Sanji's life.

Then again, getting his first bounty poster hadn't gone as planned, so why had he expected this to go any different?

And yet again, he never in a million pirate eras would have expected_ this_ to happen.

It all started when he and Nami, who he had successfully convinced to go on a _real_ date with him three months before, suggested that they take their relationship to the next level.

She did so by sneaking up on him while he was cooking dinner, standing on tip toe so that she breathed hot air on the back of his neck with every word, and said, "It's Robin's watch tonight, so I'll be in my room all _alone_; why don't you come visit?"

All through supper Sanji sat unresponsive on his barstool with a goofy grin on his face, not even reacting when Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper started a "Who Can Throw the Most Rings Around Sanji's Head" contest with the plastic loops from a ring toss game.

That night he knocked excitedly on Nami's cabin door. She took a minute to finish getting ready and then let him in.

"Hello, Sanji-kun."

Sanji's eye bugged out of his head. In front of him was Nami, wearing a sheer tank top over a lacy bra and-_oh sweet mercy_-the smallest thong he had ever seen in his life.

"M-m-m-m-mellorine…"

She grabbed his tie and pulled him through the doorway, beckoning with her finger as she did so. Sanji could have fainted from sheer happiness but reminded himself that he would miss it all if that happened. He kicked the door shut behind them, so hard he was lucky it didn't come off its hinges, as Nami yanked his lips down to hers. Her tongue industriously explored his mouth while she fought with the knot in his tie. He slid his hands around behind her back and ah-hah, the top was backless, held in place by a thin string. He pulled it lose and slipped her arms out of the loops. It dropped to the floor to pool around their feet and Sanji's tie went flying over her shoulder. It was soon joined by his shirt and her bra. Sanji's slacks fell and covered her top, followed by their respective underwear, and then they tripped over to the bed. Somehow they remained attached at the lips during the entire process, which made Sanji rather proud of himself.

Sanji began vigorously feeling every inch of her body with his fingertips, his lips tracing up and down her neck and all along her collar bone and down onto her breasts, slowly, tenderly…

Mikans and money and storms and sea winds…

"Sanji," she pulled back from him a little and he groaned slightly in protest. "You're on fire."

Sanji mentally congratulated himself. "That's my flame of love for you, Nami-san!"

"No, I mean, seriously!" she cried suddenly.

And then she threw him off of her, sending him tumbling to the floor. He lay there in a tangle of sheets that had been pulled with him, panting and gaping in confusion. Nami leaned up and looked over at him, and while the vision of her, a slight sheen of sweat on her brow and hair all disheveled, was just as sweet as he had always imagined, the sting of rejection dulled it.

"Do you realize you're on fire!?!" she demanded shrilly, her eyes huge.

Sanji blinked at her in confusion, then looked down at his arm. He was surrounded by a bright flame, as though his skin was burning.

"Holy shit!" he yelped, half jumping up. It was strange; he couldn't feel the flames, but there they were, real as sin. It felt… oddly familiar.

"Don't just sit there, idiot!" cried Nami. "Drop and roll!"

Realization was slowly dawning on the blond man. He shook his head. "No, Nami-san, it's okay, I think. This has happened before."

She gaped at him. "But Sanji… you're ON FIRE!!!"

"I know, but it's not burning me!"

"Then what the hell is it!?!"

"I'm not sure, but I think…" He trailed off to stare at her panicked face, so full of concern all directed at him. It was so beautiful.

Not to mention she was naked. So very naked…

There was a little pop and the flame grew to enormous proportions.

"Holy shit, Sanji-kun!"

Sanji snapped himself out of his reverie when he remembered that he was still burning in the middle of her bedroom. "I can't stop it, Nami-san! I feel… I can't…" How to explain this properly? "I'm too worked up! I have to calm down."

Nami gave him a perplexed look, then she got an idea. "Zeff and that old woman from Drum Island, Kureha! Having sex on the _Baratie_!!!"

"HOLY SHIT!!!" Sanji fell over backwards, the flame abruptly dying. She moved to the edge of the bed and looked down at him, careful to keep herself covered by the sheet should he explode again.

"…Sanji-kun?"

He raised his head slowly, looking scared. "Don't… don't ever… give me that… really disturbing… mental image… EVER AGAIN!"

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" she asked with a shrug. "What the hell WAS that, anyway? You said it happened before…?"

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Well, yeah, once. Back on Thriller Bark. While I was fighting-"

"Fighting?" she cut him off, raising an eyebrow. "So what, sleeping with me is like a battle?"

"Wha-NO!" he cried hastily, waving his hands around. "I didn't burst into flames because of the fight!"

"Then why?"

"Well, Usopp told me that you'd been kidnapped by some pervert in the shower," he explained, thinking back. "Yeah, that was the first time. Then the second time, I was fighting that freaking invisible bastard to stop your wedding."

Her eyes widened. "You got so mad that I'd been kidnapped, you burst into flame?"

"I know it sounds ridiculous, but yeah, that's what happened," he said with a sheepish nod.

She stared at him a moment, then slipped her feet down onto the cold floor and stood, the sheet still wrapped around her. She bent down in front of him and cupped his face in her hand.

"Sanji-kun," she began slyly, "do I really make you that… _passionate_?"

_Oh sweet merciful mother Mary…_ "Yes!" He swallowed and flushed a little.

She smiled lightly at him. "Well, we can't do this here." She nodded at the bed. "You'll burn up all my sheets."

His jaw fell open. _But… but… NO!!! It just isn't FAIR!!! We were SO CLOSE!!!_

She stood up and took his hand. "Well, I'll admit, I've always wanted to do this, anyway." She looked down at his dumbfounded face and tugged playfully. "Well, come on. And grab that blanket." Then she reconsidered. "On second thought, we won't need it."

It took a few seconds of disbelief for Sanji to realize what she was talking about, and then he trailed numbly after her as she led him outside, blubbering incoherently save for the occasional stuttered, "Mellorine!"

The next morning found Franky demanding who got scorch marks on a more secluded part of the _Sunny's_ deck, but if Robin knew anything, she wasn't telling.

She also didn't have to ask when she overheard the redhead asking the shopkeeper if he had any fireproof sheets.

**The End**

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A/N: So, you know that song "Sex on Fire" by the Kings of Leon? REAL big about the time I was writing this. XD

This is the second time I've screwed up sex for Sanji. But this time he DID get it in the end, so I think he'll forgive me. After all, it's more than he's getting in the actual show. XP

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Yumi: (yeah, this will be epically long) Wow, that's a lot of minutes. Glad you liked it! Well, after one hundred days of okama hell, he's kinda given up. ^^ Thanks! Hah, I thought everyone might appreciate that. Haha, high heel mow down! XD Oh, oops; sorry. Oh yeah; the SaNa fans went wild, and he was just totally AWESOME in general! XD Oh, but dear, you're not at the end yet. Just wait. Juuust wait. (Oh dear, there seems to be a miscommunication. Sanji never wears red. If this is because of the sentence thing, that WAS in reference to Thriller Bark (though it was open to interpretation), but not because he's wearing red there. All other references to a red shirt are thanks to three-days-late's story "A Date With Sanji," where she made Sanji in a red shirt sound so sexy I've been dying to see it for real. XD) YES!!! The Oz (though apparently, it's officially "Oars" now) fight is SOOO awesome! And I DO love that scene, where Oz rises up and Sanji's just standing there like, "Hmph. This is a problem." It's great!! Yeah, I love Zoro vs. Ryuuma, because it's shorter but there's more actual dueling going on, rather than him standing there and then slashing the air. Yeah, Lola's cool; I love her. YES!!! The Denguin or whatever it's called? I think his name is Inuppe. He's so great. I love how he and the Zoro zombie fight with each other; haaah. Usopp is indeed. ^^ Oh yeah, Brook's amazing!!! Thanks! I hope you enjoy them all! And have fun with the rest of TB; it's my favorite for SO many reasons! ^^

Baka~chan: Yup, it has! Nah, you didn't miss anything. XP I'm glad! Is that bad or good? Hope you enjoy!!!


	3. Rabbit

**Title:** Subscription

**Theme:** Rabbit

**Words:** 605

**Rating:** T

**Fluff Rating:** Sanji and Nami ARE boyfriend/girlfriend, however, if you ignore the last few paragraphs this CAN be read easily as nakamaship. It's not what I would call "fluffy" at all.

**Warnings:** Sanji's reading material (he only likes it for the articles, obviously).

**Notes:** It's really sad that I see "rabbit" and THIS is what I think of first…

**Summary:** That is NOT what she gave him that money for.

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**Subscription**

By Dandy Wonderous

Nami had started out looking through Sanji's locker for a t-shirt. She and Robin were doing a little spring cleaning in their cabin, and she didn't want any of her clothes bleached or stained.

What she found was a stack of magazines.

On top of the pile was a cooking magazine, which was expected. Curious, she picked it up and flipped through it. There were no five minute quick dinners or leftover magic recipes here; the magazine was for serious chefs only, and all the terms and ingredients Nami had never heard of before made it look just like a Poneglyph to her. She looked down and saw, to her surprise, a fishing magazine next. Well, this wasn't too odd, she realized; he did need to know how to get the food he cooked.

She idly picked up the fishing magazine and found another cooking one. She flipped through this one as well, the pictures of the gourmet cuisine tantalizing her from the pages. She picked up the next one and flipped through it, then dug through three more fishing magazines to the next.

She picked this journal up and saw something radically different underneath.

A scantily dressed woman pouted promiscuously at her from the cover, half obscuring the title with her outrageous curves. Nami dropped the other magazines in surprise and picked it up. She read around the girl ("Playboy"), taking note of the strange bunny symbol in the corner.

Nami's shock quickly turned to disgust and then anger as she flipped through the pages. It was obvious that the book was heavily read; some of the pages were starting to come loose from the staples in the middle. She threw the magazine in the floor and flipped through the remains of the stack; the rest were all smut, the same bunny logo on every one until the last, which was actually a lingerie catalog. Nami sneered at the models inside, secretly noting a few things she might like to buy for herself later.

"Ah, Nami-san."

She whirled in time to find Sanji walking in, a load of laundry in his arms. "Robin-chan told me you might be in here looking for a shirt, so I-"

Nami cut her boyfriend off by holding one of the magazines in his face, the bunny glaringly obvious in its incrimination. "Sanji-kun," she began darkly, "what exactly is this?"

Sanji's face displayed an impressive rainbow of color before finally settling on Luffy-vest red. "O-oh… you found those."

"Yes, I found those," she snapped, glaring at him. "Why do you have these?" She considered. "How are you GETTING these?"

He looked down nervously. "I… er… well…"

Nami's eyes grew wide and then narrowed into slits. "This is where the money for your cooking magazine subscription is going, isn't it?"

He attempted to hold up his hands in defense, a difficult maneuver with all the clothing in his arms. "Nami-san, I can explain! Those are all from before we-"

"This one's dated last month."

"Well, except that one," he muttered, realizing he was caught.

Nami sighed and picked up the pile of dirty magazines. "I'm very disappointed in you, Sanji," she reprimanded sternly. Balancing the books on one arm, she slapped his cheek, then leaned up and kissed him forcefully. "You should know that _I'm_ the only girl you're allowed to see dressed like this."

She grabbed a t-shirt from the pile and walked out with the stack, leaving him gaping behind her, unsure if he had just been scolded or offered an invitation.

She discarded all but the lingerie catalog. It _was_ his birthday it three weeks, after all.

**The End**

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A/N: Silly Nami, his birthday was yesterday! ^^


	4. Candle

**Title:** Before the Flame Dies

**Theme:** Candle

**Words:** 1,016 (without alternate ending)

**Rating: **K+

**Fluff Rating:** High. Bittersweet and angsty, but high.

**Warnings:** Possible Character Death

**Notes:** The end of this went back and forth. First, it was what is now the alternate, then what it is now, then alternate, then finally now because it was better written. But it depressed me, so if you're like me and want to feel warm fuzzies, the alternate ending is the one for you.

**Summary:** "Promise to return before the flame dies."

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**Before the Flame Dies**

By Dandy Wonderous

Sanji gripped her hand tightly as he led Nami through the cave. "This should be good for you to hide in, Nami-san," he whispered, glancing worriedly over his shoulder and past her.

She shivered as a drop of water from a stalactite fell on her head. She wanted to protest that she didn't need to hide, that she would stand and fight with them until the end, but she knew Sanji wasn't going to let her. He wasn't prepared to put her or their unborn child in that kind of danger.

He pulled her past forks in the twisting tunnel passage, led by the light of a solitary candle, and she hoped that he was memorizing the way he was taking her. She could see it in her mind's eye, Sanji wandering down dark, wet tunnels, lost, until he eventually starved or was crushed by a cave in or eaten by rabid moles…

"Here, Nami-san."

She stopped just short of running into him, peering around his arm into a small, dead-end cavern.

"And you're just going to leave me here?"

He winced. "Please don't say it like that."

She sighed and walked into the middle of the "room," then turned and put her hands on her hips, putting on an angry front so he wouldn't know she was scared. "Well, you _are_."

He made a distressed face and crossed the rock to her in two long strides. "I wouldn't if I didn't think I had to," he pleaded, wrapping an arm around her.

She leaned against his chest and wrapped him in a hug of her own. "I know."

The kiss he gave her was too long, too lingering, as though he was afraid that it was the last one they would ever have. She kept it shorter, lighter, like a promise that it was far from the last.

He gave her the candle and, against her protests, his lighter, in case she needed to light it again.

"This will help me get back to you," he explained, closing her fingers around the cool metal, "so keep it burning."

"You'll come back before it dies, right?"

He nodded. "I promise."

With one more kiss he was gone. She wondered how he would see, but then she heard the familiar sounds of dress shoes spinning on rock and a leg igniting.

Knowing there was nothing more she could do, Nami sank to the cold, wet ground and stared forlornly at the candle. Already about an eighth of the wax was gone, more dripping slowly onto her hand. She grabbed a few rocks and made a makeshift candleholder, then settled back down and looked around her. It was eerily quiet in the cave, shielded from the noise of the battle outside, so that it was like she was in a bubble, isolated from the world. The flickering candle threw strange shadows on the wall, like menacing tormenters out to destroy her. She shuddered and looked at Sanji's lighter, rubbing the cool surface with her thumb. It was like the promise that he would return for her.

The candle, on the other hand, was like some evil hourglass, the wax dripping away with the time.

She sat silently and watched the candle burn, rubbing the lighter against her palm or pressing it to her lips. Countless times she thought she heard a noise and leapt to her feet, squinting into the darkness for a sign of Sanji or an enemy, but finding only stale air.

In only a little over an hour, the candle passed its halfway point, the rocks smooth and white from the wax.

Nami drew her legs up to her chest and rested her head on her knees, watching the shadows grow and swallow up the area around her and her little candle. She gripped the lighter tighter in her fist.

Eventually, she fell into a restless sleep. Nightmares haunted her, none of them featuring an identifiable or tangible threat, just vague shadows of her friends, swallowed by that irrepressible darkness while she cowered by her candle, helpless…

Nami gasped and jerked awake, hand flying to her Clima-Tact. She crouched, her eyes darting around wildly, but her little cave was empty save her. Satisfied-and disappointed-that she was still alone, she settled back down and looked at her candle.

Then she yelped and crouched down on her hands and knees, bringing her face very close to the meager flame.

The candle was almost out, only a stub nestled among the tiny rocks. The light flickered as the wick did its best to keep burning.

"No, no, no!" she begged the flame. "You have to stay burning!"

In answer, the flame gave out completely, dissipating into smoke.

Nami was plunged into totally inky darkness for a moment while she fumbled for the lighter. She flicked it over and over in that same, practiced motion she had seen from Sanji so many times before, and finally she got it to light. She lit the wick and the candle took up its valiant effort to keep burning once more.

Her breathing quickened and she backed away from it, afraid to put it out again. She shivered and watched the tunnel, silently begging Sanji to come.

The shadows were encroaching again, and quickly.

The flame sputtered.

Her heart stopped for a split second, and then she saw someone vaguely down the passage, lit eerily by a light that seemed to come from underneath them.

"Sanji-kun?" she whispered hoarsely.

He appeared in the doorway, smiling broadly at her, leg aflame. She leapt to her feet with a happy cry, jumping over the candle in her haste to get to him.

"Sanji-kun!" she cried out, breaking into a happy smile. "I was so worried that you-"

She reached him and threw her arms around his chest… and fell straight through, falling to the ground in the cavern's opening.

She blinked in shock, pushing herself back to her knees. Slowly, she turned to look behind her, tears pricking the corners of her eyelids.

Nothing but shadow.

With one last flicker, the candle went out.

**The End**

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ALTERNATE ENDING:

"Sanji-kun?" she whispered hoarsely.

"Nami-san?" And then he appeared in the opening, leg aflame, staring worriedly inside.

She leapt to her feet and dashed forward, kicking the candle as she went past. It skittered across the stone, going out a final time with a little hiss.

Nami didn't care; she flung herself against him, ignoring the heat from his still burning leg. He hugged her tightly, welcoming her grateful kiss.

"I told you I'd be back before the candle gave out," he whispered.

"I never doubted you for a second."

* * *

A/N: See? I had to have some happy! OAO

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Blue Haven: Oh yay! More ZeffxKureha lovin'! XD Thank you!!! Yeah, I bet he is. I'm sure, even more priceless than when Robin had him by his boys. Right? They treat Sanji's little combustion thing like it's totally natural, so I decided it must be. And it's TOTALLY not exploited enough. *shakes head* Thanks! Glad it was believable. ^^ No, I don't think he would, just because it's his special seat. If it WASN'T his special seat, he probably would. XD Thanks again!

Baka~chan: I can appreciate that. I, however, am a fluff whore with certain characters, Sanji being one of them, so I myself can't have enough. But you certainly don't have to read anything that would make you want to puke. ^^ I have skim-read a few lemons but I don't like when it gets really graphic. I'm glad you liked it! I'm all for implication and disrobement. ^^ Hey, I like being funny. ^^ Strange? Me? Naaah; I don't know WHAT you're talking about. XP Sure, go for it. I leave a lot up to reader interpretation usually (unlike this one; this one's pretty cut and dry).


	5. Giant

**Title: **Nami and the Beanstalk

**Theme:** Giant

**Words:** 2,752

**Rating:** T

**Fluff Rating:** It would actually be pretty easy to read this one nonromantically.

**Warnings:** Mild Language, AU, slight OOCness that makes sense in context

**Notes:** I wanted this to be longer, but it was written two days before the end of the challenge and I had another to do, and that one was shaping up to be longer, so I had to cut it down a little. Who owns Jack and the Beanstalk? Not _me_…

**Summary:** Who knew that there was a whole world to be discovered at the top of a beanstalk?

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Nami and the Beanstalk

By Dandy Wonderous

Once upon a time, there was a young girl by the name of Nami who lived on a small farm and orange orchard with her simple-minded farmhand, Luffy. A frost had wiped out most of their crops that year, and it looked like they were in serious danger of going bankrupt. Nami, a miserly girl who loved her money more than anything, decided that something would have to be done about the situation.

"Luffy, I've decided that something must be done. We're going to sell Mohmoo."

"Mohmoo?" he asked, head tilted to the side in confusion.

"Yes, Mohmoo. The cow that thinks it's a fish."

"Oh yeah. The mystery cow!" Luffy nodded in understanding. "Who do I sell him to?"

"A butcher, or something. Like I really care, as long as they pay."

"Oh…" The boy seemed depressed. Was it for the sad fate of the hapless cow? "But Naaamiii, if he's gonna get eaten anyway, can't _we_ just eat him ourselves?"

Outside, Mohmoo sweatdropped nervously.

"No. There's no money in that." She waved her hand for him to go. "Take him to market, and be sure you get more money than the fleabag's worth!"

Thus, Luffy set out with the cow to sell him.

While Luffy was walking, a man happened to notice him on the road. The man was a long-nosed swindler, telling travelers all kinds of fancy lies so they would surrender their money to him. When he saw Luffy and his delicious looking cow, he devised a plan to get it for himself.

"Hello there," he greeted, walking nonchalantly out of the woods by the side of the road. "Nice cow."

"Thanks!" Luffy smiled at him. "I'm taking him to market!"

"All the way to market?" The man's eyes widened. "But that's so far!"

He shrugged. "I don't mind."

"It'll take quite awhile." He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Yes… while I myself could make the trip in just an hour, it will take you three or so… you might miss supper."

The last part seemed to genuinely worry Luffy. "Really?"

"Really. I don't know what you're going to do… Oh, well, I suppose there _is_ that…"

"What? What!?"

The man tried not to smile too much and look hesitant instead. "Well, I guess _I_ could buy the cow from you here and spare you the trip."

Luffy grinned delightedly. "Gee, thanks, mister!"

"Hold on, now; there's a problem." The man fished in the pocket of his overalls and pulled out two beans. "I don't have any money, just these beans."

"Oh. Well, see ya!" Luffy waved and started walking again.

"Oi, oi, oi! Wait!"

Luffy stopped and looked back at him over his shoulder.

"These aren't just any old beans. These are _magic_ beans."

Luffy's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Oh yes. When they sprout, they'll give you everything you ever wanted."

"Wow! That's amazing!"

"It certainly is. So, you want to trade? Your cow for my super awesome amazingly magical beans?"

"Yeah!"

So, the exchange was made, and the liar went off with the cow, whistling to himself, while Luffy returned to the farm triumphantly with his beans.

"YOU DID _WHAT_!?!" Nami shrieked when he held his prize out to her.

"Weren't you listening, Nami? I said I traded Mohmoo for these magic beans."

"YOU MORON!!!" She punched at his head, furious. "WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT!?!"

"We plant them and all our dreams come true!" he explained frantically, ducking away from her angry fists.

Nami finally stopped punching him and sank to her knees, depressed. "I can't believe it… we're ruined. Ruined!"

"No we're not!" Luffy laughed. "We're rich."

"You idiot. Those beans will never work."

"Yes they will! That weird guy I've never met said so!"

Nami just groaned and flopped in the floor.

"I'll prove it! Just watch!" And with that, Luffy went outside and planted the beans, one in front of the house and the other in back.

That night, after the two had gone to sleep (Luffy sleeping outside as punishment for his idiocy), the beans sprouted. They grew into saplings that rapidly grew into stalks that soon were reaching high, high into the sky.

Luffy, awakened by the alarmed clucking of chickens as the stalk grew through their henhouse, stared at it in wonder.

Then, with a triumphant grin, he pushed his straw hat tighter on his head and began climbing the stalk.

But this isn't a story about Luffy; this is a story about Nami.

When Nami awoke, she didn't find Luffy. Instead, she found a huge beanstalk in her front yard, disappearing into the clouds.

She gaped at it in shock. The beans _were_ magic, after all.

However, none of her dreams had come true, as far as she could see. Where was all the sparkly treasure?

She walked to the base of the stalk and peered up. She couldn't see the top.

Perhaps the treasure was up there.

Resolutely, she changed into clothing more fit for climbing and started up the stalk.

The going was slow, rough, and dangerous, and more than once she feared she would fall to her death. She managed to make it to the top, though, and found herself climbing through a strange hole in the clouds and into a dark, musty space.

Finally, she got to the top of the stalk, where it tapered into a point with a single leaf. She stepped of it and onto a dusty wooden surface. A little ways away, she could see light pouring through an arch. She made her way gingerly to it, weary of a large drop on one side and careful to hug the wall of wherever she was, and looked out with a startled gasp.

She was standing on a countertop in a massive kitchen, thousands of times larger than it should be.

Entranced, she slowly walked across the tile, gazing at appliances bigger than her house, at a forest of champagne glasses, at knives that would easily cleave an elephant in two. She found a giant silver spoon, seven feet long, that would make her a rich woman and let her live in comfort for the rest of her life. Giggling greedily, she grabbed the edges of the spoon and started to tug it back toward the hole in what she now realized was the kitchen's wall.

There was a gasp behind her, and she whirled to find a blond man of normal size standing behind her, gaping. From the way he was dressed, she could tell he was a chef.

"I was just looking at it!" she said quickly, dropping the spoon, but before she could explain any further, he had dashed across the tile and grabbed her roughly around the shoulders. She yelped in protest and tried to wriggle away, but he was stronger than her and forced her easily behind a giant pepper grinder.

"Let me go!" she shrieked, biting at his hands in a desperate attempt at freedom.

"Forgive me, milady," he whispered apologetically, "but this is for your own safety. Please, you _must_ stay behind here, if you value your life at all, please!"

Nami was about to ignore him and make a run for it, when there was a sudden rumbling, and the man paled and begged her with the one eye not covered by his bangs for her to stay put.

Then a colossal, horrendous giant appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, screaming, "Sanji! Meat!" in a boom that made all the silverware rattle ominously.

The man, apparently named Sanji, darted out from behind the grinder and bowed deeply. "Apologies, Mr. Oars, but I'm not quite done with dinner yet-""Well, hurry it up! I'm hungry!"

"When are you not, shitty giant," she heard him mutter.

"What? I can't hear you!"

"I said, it'll be just a little longer! Try to be patient," Sanji yelled. "Go back to terrorizing the zombies until I ring the bell, okay?"

"Well, okay…" The giant turned and reached out his hand toward a distant door. "Huh? I feel like I should be able to stretch to the door… Oh well."

Sanji watched the giant lumber off, then ran back to Nami, frantic and looking over his shoulder. "He's slow, so he hasn't realized it yet, but he smelled you, I just know it." He looked back at her, and his eyes widened into hearts. "I'm so sorry about the rough handling a minute ago, my goddess!" he cooed. "You really are a vision of perfection! For a moment I thought you were all in my head, and when I realized you were real I had to hurry to hide you before that brute found you and ate you as his afternoon snack. Oh, but where are my manners? I am Sanji, milady, humbly at your service!"

Nami was a bit overwhelmed by the sudden rush of conversation and obvious flirting. "N-nami," she introduced, holding out her hand.

Rather than shaking, he kissed it. "It's my pleasure, no, my _honor_ to make your acquaintance!"

"Uh, that's great, but didn't you just say something about that giant _smelling_ me?"

He snapped back to seriousness, looking horrified. "Oh shit, I forgot. Damn…" He turned away from her, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Sorry. You have no idea how long I've gone without seeing _normal_ people." He laughed bitterly.

"I can imagine. How long have you been here?"

"Nine years. I got this magic bean and climbed up the stalk that grew. There was this girl up here, and she played the harp for that shithead, Oars. I helped her escape by distracting the giant, but when I went to follow her down, the beanstalk was gone. The only way I managed to stay alive was because I can cook enough for him." He blinked, then smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm babbling again. It's just so great that someone else is here, especially such a beauty as yourself! No, no, it's not, it's bad, really bad; we have to get you out of here before he tries to eat you." He started to tug her along, back to the hole in the wall.

"Wait, you've been here nine _years_?" she repeated, unable to fathom it.

"Uh, yeah." He seemed unconcerned. "Hey, did you want this spoon?"

"Can I have it?"

"Sure. It's not like that idiot is going to notice it missing. Would you like a fork as well?"

Her eyes sparkled. "You can really get me all that?"

"For you, my lovely, I'll get you anything you want!" he cooed, hurrying off. He returned in seconds, a giant fork slung over his shoulder. He kicked up the spoon and caught it in his free hand effortlessly. "Where did you come from, milady?"

She led him to the hole in the wall, which he stared at in wonder. "Where did that come from?"

"I don't know; I just assumed it had always been there."

He shook his head. "No, it's new. I wonder if-"

"Hey, Sanji! I just realized, I smelled a human."

"Shit. You have to get out of here." Sanji ran through the hole and kicked the spoon and fork expertly to the top of the beanstalk, where they slipped down through the hole and fell to the earth below. Then he turned and ran back. "I'll distract him, you get out of here."

"Huh? But don't you want to come too?" she asked, hesitating.

"Don't worry about me, Miss Nami, it's enough for me to know you're safe!" And so saying, he ran off.

Nami watched him go, then ran through the hole. She could hear him, trying to stall the giant.

"I smelled a human, didn't I?"

"It was just me, Mr. Oars."

"No, your stench gone by now. I smelled another human."

"Oh, don't be silly! Now, go have fun traumatizing some cloud people and I'll finish your dinner."

"No, I think there is a human here."

"No, there's not."

"Well, hurry and finish supper than. I wait here." She heard him sit down heavily.

"Eh… Okay."

Nami reached the beanstalk and stared at it. She had her treasure; now she was free to shimmy down to earth and live her life out fabulously.

"…_when I went to follow her down, the beanstalk was gone."_

She sighed and turned back. She couldn't leave him here. It just felt too wrong.

Nami hurried through the wall and back to the countertop. From there, she could see where Sanji was standing, and where Oars was sitting at a massive table.

The giant sniffed the air. "I can smell it again."

"There's nothing here."

"Huh?" He leaned toward the counter. "But it's right there."

"Wha-" Sanji whirled around, spotted her, and gaped. "But… Miss Nami, you have to get out of here!"

She darted across, barely avoiding Oars' reaching fist. "I'm not leaving you," she said simply, grabbing his hand.

He seemed utterly confounded as she started to tug him away. "You… you didn't…"

"Come on, let's go!"

"Oh no you don't!" Oars slammed his fist down to catch them, and they zigged and zagged to avoid him. One finger almost pinned her down, and he stopped to kick it away.

"Go, Miss Nami!"

"You're coming, too!"

She grabbed his elbow and yanked him after her. They sprinted for the hole, barely sliding through before his hand slammed over it.

For a second they lay in a jumbled heap, panting. Then Sanji started laughing.

"I can't believe… I can't believe I'm getting out of here."

"I can't believe how _rich_ I'm going to be!" Nami squealed happily. Then she realized that she and Sanji were wrapped up together. She blushed and pushed to her feet.

"Come on, let's-"

The sounds of ripping and crashing echoed through the inside of the wall, and it started shaking violently.

"He's ripping through the wall!" she shrieked in horror.

Sanji didn't answer, just scooped her up and ran for the beanstalk.

He jumped onto the top of the vine and helped her grab on, then they started a race down it. He could climb faster than she, but he let her go first. They could hear more smashing above them, and Sanji swore. "He's chasing us."

Nami focused on the adrenaline pumping in her veins and dashed down the stalk as fast as she could. He stayed right with her, catching her whenever she slipped.

What felt like an eternity later, she pushed herself down another foot just to land on solid ground. Sanji let out a little whoop and hopped down after her.

They couldn't see the giant, but from the way the stalk was shaking they knew he must be after them. They glanced at each other, then Nami ran for her shed, Sanji unquestioningly following. She pulled out a big two person saw and they carried it back to the stalk and began furiously sawing through together.

With a great creak, the beanstalk gave out and crashed to the ground. Nami jumped away with a yelp, right into Sanji's protecting arms. For the second time, they collapsed on the ground.

When the dust settled, they stared triumphantly at the fallen stalk.

"We did it," said Sanji finally. "And it was all thanks to your genius thinking, Miss Nami!"

"I wouldn't have made it out without you," she said sincerely, and he beamed.

"I think I found your spoon and fork," he said after a minute, pointing, and she looked over to see them sticking out of the ground.

"Oh yeah. I'm gonna be rich!" She rubbed her palms together in anticipation.

He laughed. "What are you going to do with that money, may I ask?"

"Hmmm…" She contemplated, then looked at him. "You cook, right?"

"Yes, milady. I'm a world class chef, actually."

"Really? …Do you have somewhere to go?"

His eyes clouded a little. "No. Not really."

She smiled and stood up. "I think I know what to do with that money, then…"

Soon after, Nami tore down her farm and she and Sanji opened a restaurant together. It was very successful, with visitors traveling from all over to eat the fine food served there, and soon it was world renowned. Nami, who was already rich thanks to the mysterious amount of pure silver she seemingly magical discovered, became even richer and lived the luxurious lifestyle she had dreamt of. And it was even better, because she had Sanji with her to share it, for happily ever after.

**The End**

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OMAKE:

"Hey, guys!"

"Luffy! Where have you _been_!?!"

"It was really cool! I planted those magic beans, and this big beanstalk grew! So I climbed it and went on lots of adventures in the clouds!"

"But we cut down that beanstalk."

"Huh? Oh, you must have cut down the other one."

"There were TWO!?!"

"Shishishi, yeah! There were two beans, remember?"

"…Luffy, please tell me you chopped down that beanstalk."

"Uhhhh…"

"SANJI! MEAT!!!"

"Oh shit…"

"LUFFY, YOU IDIOT!"

"AAH! RUUUUN!!!"

* * *

A/N: How she didn't notice the second giant beanstalk we'll never know. XP Sanji more or less took the place of the goose that lays the golden eggs here. Oh, and Oars=Oz, but according to the wiki his name is officially Oars (hence Oars, Jr.).

I have some anonymous reviews, but I didn't get to post this until late, so they'll have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry!


	6. Perfume

**Title:** Lovers' Spat

**Theme:** Perfume

**Words:** 1,888

**Rating:** T

**Fluff Rating:** Pretty dang high.

**Warnings:** Language, Attempted Rape

**Notes:** I wanted to use only pronouns in the narration throughout this entire thing, but once I had to use proper nouns. It worked out. Getting Nami and Sanji to fight convincingly is HARD, by the way, mostly because of Sanji.

**Summary:** She hadn't wanted this; she had only wanted to make him jealous.

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Lovers' Spat

By Dandy Wonderous

"You spent _how much_ on these pans?"

"I'm sorry, Nami-san, but I _told_ you that the finish had worn off mine, they were unusable, so I had to get new ones-"

"But couldn't you find any cheaper?"

"I could have, but then they wouldn't have been the best!"

"Well, then you should have cut back on the meat-"

"Nami-san, you know that I have to get a lot to feed that bottomless pit of a captain-"

"He can go with less!"

"You know that Luffy has to keep up his strength, or else-"

"Or else what? He gives you those big puppy eyes and you melt like snow, right? You just don't know when to say no, Sanji-kun, that's why we gave up a quarter of our stock to those marines-"

"I couldn't just let them starve!"

"It would have been a lot cheaper if we had!"

"So you care more about your precious gold than human life?"

"No, I care more about the money for my nakama than the welfare of people trying to _kill_ us!"

Out on the deck, everyone had frozen in what they were doing, save Zoro, who had just woken up, to stare at the galley door. Nami and Sanji were fighting again; lately, the cook could be heard yelling at his lover more than at even the swordsman. And this one was turning particularly nasty.

"Money for your nakama? You know very damn well that you just want that money for yourself! Yeah, you heard me; we both know how much you spent on that perfume back in the last port, some of which was my smoke money, if you care to recall-"

"I was doing you a favor; those cancer sticks are going to kill you one day, you know!"

"Shit, sometimes my cigarettes are the only way I can make it through a day with… with this crew!"

"You were going to say "with you," weren't you?"

"No, of course not!"

"Yes you were! You asshole!"

"Shit, Nami… You know, once or twice I've found my chivalry to be at a disadvantage-"

"Hah! Like when that soap bitch beat the crap out of you?"

"-but this is the first time I've regretted it!"

"So what are you saying? You want to kick me?"

"Gah! You are being so… why are you doing this, anyway?"

"_Me_? I wasn't the one threatening violence!"

"Your hand keeps twitching toward your Clima-Tact, don't think I don't see it!"

"To defend myself! Since I obviously have such an abusive boyfriend!"

"Well, maybe I don't want to be the boyfriend of a cold, heartless, money grubbing _witch _ANYMORE!"

"That's fine with me, I was only using you for the sex anyway!"

A tense moment of silence in which no one on deck dared breathe.

"…Fine."

"Fine."

The door burst open and the navigator appeared on deck, marching swiftly below to the women's cabin without a word. The slamming of the door reverberated through the whole ship.

Dinner was late that night, and she ate hers alone in her room.

* * *

Port. A smoky tavern in town. The Strawhats seated around a table, save swordsman and cook, who are perched on barstools.

A girl approaches him, skimpily dressed, enticing him with everything in his face and the strong scent of perfume. She suggests something, naughty things by the way his eyes light up and the faint red wetness creeps from his nostril, and then something seems to occur to him and he glances _her_ way. But she is very resolutely looking elsewhere, so he gestures at the seat next to him and orders another drink when the girl sits down. They spend several minutes talking, and laughing, and the only really off-putting thing, he thinks, is the heavy perfume, because it's almost suffocating, really, not light the way _she_ wears it. And, he adds to himself, she is not nearly as smart or interesting as _she_ is, but _she_ will no longer talk to him, so there's no use worrying about it.

And at the table with the Strawhats, she watches out of the corner of her eye, and waves the lone waiter over and orders something stronger for her glass. He brings it and she downs it quickly, welcoming the buzz, because maybe if she gets drunk she'll stop thinking about _him_, all cozied up to that slut. Then, before she asks for a refill, another is placed before her and the waiter points to a man across the tavern ("From that guy over yonder.") and she sizes him up quickly with her eyes. He is gruff and handsome, not in the way _he_ is, but rough and wild. He nods at her, and she nods back in gratitude. He rises from his seat and comes over, offers to show her a good time around the island.

She hesitates, because she doesn't want to, not with this man, but by then _he_ has seen her. He gets up with the slut, and with one last glance her way, he takes the girl's hand and leads her out of the tavern.

Resolutely, she stands up, startling archeologist and doctor and sniper, who try to stop her to no avail ("I'll be fine."), and follows him out the door.

He takes her down the street, chatting amicably, but already she is feeling uneasy about the whole thing. Still, she can see _him_, hidden away in an alley near the tavern, tongue stuck obscenely down the girl's throat, so she buries her fears and follows the man, and smirks when he opens his eyes and pulls his mouth back to watch her walk away for just a few moments.

Then, suddenly, the man grabs her arm and spins her around, flinging her into the dark shadows of an alleyway. She lets out a yelp of surprise as he pins her against the wall and starts ripping her ("Expensive," her panicked brain adds) shirt to pieces. He takes a strip and tries to shove it into her mouth, to silence her attempted screams, and she sinks her teeth into his hand, so hard blood wells and drips on her lower lip. He curses and kicks her in the shin, and her eyes water but she doesn't let go, and then he slaps her so hard her cheek turns red, and now she does let go. And she screams.

"SAAANJIII!!!"

In the alley, he pulls away from the girl and looks around wildly. "Did you hear that?"

She pulls his face back and tries to kiss him again, but he keeps looking away, not responding, and she grows annoyed. "Who cares?"

And then his eyes widen when he sees the movement in the shadow down the street, and he turns back to the girl for only long enough to disentangle his arms and push her back. "I'm sorry, Mademoiselle, but I have to go…" And he leaves her gaping there, alone, which may be against his chivalry, but he _knows_ he heard his name shouted in panic, and that's more important right now.

Meanwhile, she is starting to cry in fear, struggling against the arms of the man, but he is way too strong for her to fight off without a weapon, and of course she can't reach her Clima-Tact while he's got her wrists pinned to the cold brick wall.

"Mmm… you smell delicious, girlie. Citrus-y, like oranges. Always loved me some oranges."

The man may be too strong for her, but not for the dress shoe that comes seemingly from nowhere and crashes into his temple. He goes spiraling away and a suited figure darts after him and kicks him again. The creep goes flying back and slams into the alleyway's dead end with a sickening thud, then falls to the cold, wet ground, completely still.

She stares on in disbelief for a few seconds, taking in his crumpled form, before turning to find her savior. It's _him_. Of course it's him, he's the one she called for. Still, she has to blink twice before fully acknowledging that he is standing before her, a look that could kill on his shadowed face, breathing heavily with fury. He walks up to the creep with slow, deliberate steps, and stomps down on his ribcage one more time. "Never touch her again, you bastard," he growls out to the unconscious man.

"S-sanji?"

He whirls around at her soft voice, a pale imitation of his normal lovesick ways. "Nami-san," he says gently, watching her worriedly, and takes a few steps toward her.

She sinks to her knees with a sob, causing him to quickly close the gap and kneel down next to her. He pulls her against his chest and rubs her hair lovingly. "Shhh… It's okay, Nami-san, I'm here, I'm here." Her sobs die as he pulls off his suit jacket and helps her into it, fumbling slightly with the buttons until she stills his hand and does it for him.

When this is done, she leans against him again and wraps her arms around his neck. "Thank you."

"I can't believe I let you go off with him," he mutters, berating himself. "I should have known… should have stopped you earlier, but I was just so wrapped up in trying to make you jealous-"

"And if you _had_ tried to stop me, do you think I would have? Or would I have stubbornly gone on anyway?"

He thinks about it for a moment, then sighs. "I suppose you would…"

They're silent for a moment, and then she says, "Let's go home," and starts to stand up. He stops her with a hand on hers and picks her up tenderly, cradled in his arms, and starts with quick strides back to the ship. She snuggles closer against his chest, sucking in the warmth and security like liqueur, and it's just as intoxicating. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Nami-san. It is I who am deeply, truly sorry." And his eyes show he means it. "I… I said such awful things."

She shakes her head forcefully. "Stop it. I _do_ have to apologize, and you have to accept it. And I accept yours." She shrugs. "We both said things we regret, and we're sorry for it now. Neither of us said anything worse than the other."

For a second he looks like he's going to argue, then he nods and kisses the top of her head. "Okay. I accept your apology."

She grins. "You better." She nudges him playfully. "And you _did_ save me tonight, so I guess you can be my boyfriend again. If you don't mind dating a witch."

"So long as you don't want it just for the sex."

She shrugs. "Those are just perks. Be glad I'm not charging you." She leans her head down against his shoulder. "I'm not happy about _how_ it happened, but I'm glad we're back together again."

He smiles down at her and continues on to the ship. "Me too."

Suddenly, she scowls and pulls back a little from his chest. "Nami-san? Something wrong?"

She has her nose crinkled up in disgust; he reeks of that girl's perfume. "Yeah. When we get back, you _have_ to wash these clothes. They stink like slut."

He laughs lightly and walks on. "Of course, Nami-san."

**The End**

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A/N: This is actually one of my personal favorites. ^^

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Yumi (super long review giver of epicness): 1) Yay for getting the Kumadori joke! ^^ I'm happy for you. XD Yay, I'm a believable brand of crazy! His luck DOES suck, doesn't it? XP (Just wait until Day 13: Unlucky. Oh man oh man.) Thank you! Hah, that was thrown in for my fellow ZeffxKuleha fans. Aw, thanks again! Hahaha, you're probably right. XD No, just think happy thoughts. T_T Thanks for the catch! As for that, "lest" probably would be better, but I'm lazy, so… I'll do my best! Yeah, Inuppe and Lola are win. Whoa, headless horseman!Sanji would be pretty cool. And yeah, they were epic there. XD Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only crazy one! I was so getting that vibe, too!!! XD Yep, yay for Cindry! Yeah, Hogback's a douche. Kuma isn't as much of a douche as I thought he was. ALL the zombies are hilarious. XD YES! TEAMWORK IS WIN!!! What's gonna work? TEAMWORK! *is hit with shoe* YES, ZORO IS A BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL MAN!!! I love it so much. Though now you understand why I laughed when you said Zoro actually didn't get hurt and wasn't covered in blood, because I was thinking to myself, "Yet." Sigh… Yes, I LOVE that Sanji didn't want Luffy to be told, because he knew Zoro didn't want that. *huggles* And he was incredibly sexy, as usual. I about died of a fangasm when he offered to give up his life in place of Zoro's. Sigh… Heehee, he is, isn't he? I know, poor Brooke and Yorki!!! I had to shower them with hugs. T_T Yeah, that was all funny. ^^ Cuz Luffy is epic. I KNOW, RIGHT? What was with that? DX Well, Luffy wasn't supposed to. But he gets over that. Right? And Sanji wasn't wearing a shirt! That was the exciting thing. ^^ Yeah, well, he gets snubbed a lot in filler. They're always like, Ooo, look at Zoro's pretty swords and Luffy's gears. Sigh… It changed to "Oars" because of "Oars, Jr." who shows up on Marineford. Don't worry, Brook is hilarious in general, including the skull jokes, so there is nothing wrong with you. *pats* 2) I'm glad. Thanks! Heeee. XD Aw, well… oops. ^^' Yeah, that is disappointing of your calendar. I don't know why it would have Zoro and Chopper, though; Zoro's is November 11th and Chopper's is December 24th. 3) Daaang it. O.o Thanks! I liked the way the first was written better, as did Abra, my beta, so I went with that. But I had to have some happy at the end. T_T Thanks! 4) Well, it was after midnight. -_-' Thanks! Glad you liked it! Good, glad it worked for you. ^^ Usopp had to show up in a fairytale somewhere. XD Yup, I love that sea cow. ^^ Glad you like it! ^^ Woot, yay for being almost caught up! Really? I found Duval obnoxious (and not just because of his face…). Yeah, the fish are awesome. ^^ Yeah, I wrote them in whatever order I got the inspiration to write in and now I'm posting them in the order the prompts were on the table at the challenge comm. Hope you enjoy the rest of the month, too!


	7. Art

**Title:** Landscape

**Theme:** Art

**Words:** 661

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** Quite literally DRIPPING in fluff. Fluff in its purest form!

**Warnings:** Second Person POV, lack of proper nouns

**Notes:** This was the first one I wrote. I still really like it.

**Summary:** She is a goddess of the sea, and you are a mortal, and you simply have no right to be loved by her like this.

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Landscape

By Dandy Wonderous

You're standing on the cobblestones and there's a landscape artist painting the seaside in front of you, but you don't really notice because your eyes are fixed her, standing out on a small rocky outcrop over the waves of her namesake. The swells rise and fall and the painter adds their white foam with quick dabs of his brush, and you watch the way the wind toys with her hair like it owns it. And maybe it does, you think, maybe she wasn't born of a woman at all but is a child of the sea, a pure incarnation of waves and salt and wind, and that's why she can navigate a storm or locate a current with such ease, because the ocean whispers secrets to her daughter.

The artist dips his brush into a deep crimson and paints a delicate outline of a figure poised on the outcrop. You watch with a bit more interest, looking back and forth between the shape and its model, and you think there's no way even the best artist (and this one is no slouch) could come close to capturing the beauty in the scene. The wind picks up and the edges of the dress swirl around her ankles, and if you squint a little it looks like she's floating on air, and you wouldn't be surprised if she could, because as you've already decided she is no human but a spirit of the ocean.

Now the artist is mixing orange and gold into the gently wind tossed hair in his painting, and you watch as he tries to imitate the goddess' locks. You smirk around your cigarette as you watch, knowing he will come nowhere close. Then you look back up at her, and you freeze, because she isn't watching her mother anymore, she's watching you, and while you stare, bewitched, she smiles brighter than the sun and raises a hand and beckons to you. Uncertainly you step off the cobblestones and walk toward her, practically shaking, as you enter the realm of the ocean and her offspring and hope you are found suitable. The sea seems to surge in warning as you get closer, jumping the rocks and splashing her dress, but she waves almost absentmindedly in dismissal of them and keeps that hand outstretched toward you. You reach out to touch her, and she takes hold and pulls you to her side, a fair nymph lacing fingers with a lowly mortal. The water licks your shoes and her toes, and she steps closer and looks out at the sea. You follow her gaze, and when you glance back down you start when you see amber eyes locked on yours. Slowly you reach a hand up to cradle the back of her head and her eyelids sink down, eyelashes kissing her cheeks, and as you lean down closer she wraps her arms around your waist. Then your lips meet those cherry red ones of the sea, and you taste tangerines and salt and waves and sun and storms and wind and adventure and you feel bad that your only offering is nicotine and smoke. But maybe that's enough for her, because she doesn't stop, instead holding tighter, and you feel your heart beating faster and hers, too, and the waves crash one last time before sinking back down in approval.

When the sun has finally sunk below the horizon she turns from her mother and pulls you back to the cobblestones, toward the softly glowing lights of the port town, and in that glow, as you pass, the two of you stop and look at the finished painting. You raise an eyebrow when you see a black suited figure with his arm wrapped securely around the goddess, because you almost had it written off as a dream.

Next to you she smiles and pulls out her wallet, looking at the painter imploringly, her other hand still locked safely in yours. "How much?"

**The End**

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A/N: Sigh…


	8. Witch

**Title:** All in Your Head

**Theme:** Witch

**Words:** 1,000 (I know, right?)

**Rating:** K+

**Fluff Rating:** Barring certain lines and the last paragraph or two, this can easily be read as nakamaship, where Nami is simply pissed that one of her nakama's dreams is getting messed with.

**Warnings:** Mild Language, Some Adult Themes, Mild Violence

**Notes:** …I kind of… stole my own plot. Sort of. Aw well.

**Summary:** Nami would be damned if she let any little witch steal _her_ man.

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All in Your Head

By Dandy Wonderous

Nami wasn't simply pissed. Furious didn't even _begin_ to describe it. No, this was downright, pure, unadulterated _rage_, and it was all focused on the grinning girl in front of her.

The witch twirled the stick in her hand around, mocking Nami with her motions as she did so. "My my, the little girl has shown up for her boy toy. Sorry, honey, but he's all mine now."

Nami gritted her teeth and gripped the Clima-Tact until her knuckles turned white. "What have you done to him?" she demanded.

The witch threw a glance over shoulder to look at her captive, who was cooking with expert skill despite being under a spell, chattering excitedly about something. "Oh, it's just a little illusion," she answered with a shrug. "He seemed like the _nicest_ guy in the market earlier, so I thought I would do him the honor of making him my new slave. But then he was going on and on about how he couldn't because of his _dream_ and _nakama_," she said the words with disgust. "It was all quite dull."

"What have you done to him?" Nami repeated, voice gaining a new edge of malice.

"He merely thinks that he's in All Blue right now and that _I'm_ you," she answered, twirling the wand like a baton, as smug as you please. "He told me that, after supper, we were _really_ going to celebrate his accomplishment." The mocking smile grew.

That was it. With a roar of fury, Nami launched herself at the witch, twirling the Clima-Tact in her hands. Before you could say "Thuderbolt Tempo," she had already shocked the surprised girl twice.

"Ow! Stop! You're hurting!" The witch turned to Sanji with a pout. "Sanji-kun! I'm being hurt! Could you help me?"

Sanji immediately turned from the stove he was working at, calling worriedly, "Nami-san?"

Nami pounded the girl with the butt of her Clima-Tact, sending her spinning across the room. Sanji, still under the effect of the illusion, lurched toward her, and with an apologetic mumble she hit him with the rod as well, knocking him out and buying her a few minutes. She bounded across the room to where the witch was getting shakily to her feet, rubbing her stomach where Nami had made contact. She yelped when the navigator loomed over her, backing against the wall and holding up her hands.

"Please, don't hurt me!" she cried. "I'm sorry! I'll release him!"

Nami lowered the Clima-Tact slowly. "Promise?"

"Hell no!" The witch moved her hand as though pointing her wand at Nami. "All I have to do is cast a spell on you and… WHERE IS MY WAND!?!"

Nami twirled the stick in her hand like the girl had done only two minutes before. "You mean this?" she asked innocently, then raised the Clima-Tact once again. "Release Sanji-kun."

The witch hesitated.

"RELEASE HIM!"

She cringed back. "Alright, alright, I'll do it! But I need my wand!"

Nami raised an eyebrow suspiciously before handing it back to her. "Anything funny and I shock your skinny little bitch ass."

"Okay, okay." The witch trembled and pointed the wand at the cook, who was slowly regaining consciousness. "Haberdashery-doo."

"Thunderbol-"

"Ack! Stop! It's the magic word, I swear!"

The witch was apparently telling the truth, because Sanji sat up and rubbed his head, looking around in confusion. "N-nami-san? What are you doing? …Who's that?"

Nami turned and grinned at him innocently. "No one, Sanji-kun. Give me just a second."

"Can I go now?" whispered the witch in terror.

"Yes." Nami turned around, producing a length of rope from her pocket (the witch wondered how she had fit it there). "You're free to go."

Then she pulled a knot in the rope, sending the girl flying on a gust of wind, smashing through the roof and disappearing into the distance.

"Nami-san?" Sanji was staring at her, frown creased in confusion. "What's going on?"

"Sanji-kun!" She hurried over to him, crouching down to look in his eyes. "How do you feel? What's the last thing you remember?"

He shook his head to clear it, then his eyes lit up in excitement. "Don't you remember, Nami-san? We found All Blue, and… oh, my dish, I left it on the stove!"

He jumped to his feet to return to his cooking, but Nami grabbed his shoulders to stop him, pulling him roughly to face her. For a second he was perplexed, then his face split into a wide grin. "Nami-san," he said playfully, "I thought we were going to wait until _after_ supper…"

Nami sighed. She had hoped he wouldn't remember the illusion, and now she was going to have to squash his dreams. "Sanji-kun," she began slowly, "this isn't All Blue."

His smile faltered ever so slightly. "What?"

"This isn't All Blue," she repeated. "This is just another island on the Grand Line."

His eyes flickered through confusion, shock, and then disappointment in a matter of moments. "Nami-san, what do you mean?" he asked desperately, his voice taking on the slightest hint of despair. "It… it's right here…"

"No, Sanji-kun. You were kidnapped by a witch. She put you under a spell so you just _thought_ you were there."

Sanji's smile finally fell from his face. His shoulders slumped and he sighed. "I thought it was too good to be true."

She hugged him tightly, stroking his back. "Don't worry, Sanji-kun. We _will_ find it, I promise. It's just not _here_."

"Thank you, Nami-san."

Something on the stove started bubbling loudly, and he jerked around in her arms to look at it. "Damn, I forgot about that."

She gave him a peck on the cheek. "Go finish supper, Sanji-kun." She grinned mischievously. "And didn't you have something planned for after?"

He looked at her over his shoulder as he went to the stove. "That, Nami-san, is a surprise I'm saving until we get to the _real_ All Blue." She pouted, and he smirked. "Well, I guess I'll give you a preview."

**The End**

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A/N: So, in order to get rid of the witch, I pulled a Team Rocket exit. Wish it had been complete with sparkle and catchphrase…


	9. Rivalry

**Title:** The Handkerchief Game

**Theme:** Rivalry

**Words: **1,193

**Rating:** K+

**Fluff Rating:** Last line explains it all. Otherwise, I certainly wouldn't rate this very high on the fluff scale, since it's mostly just Nami fighting with Hancock.

**Warnings:** Mild Language, Hancock-bashing

**Notes:** I think my favorite part of this was writing Hancock. Especially getting her to use the word "peon." I avoided the word "slave" due to Hancock's past, but thinking back, I realize she probably wouldn't care to have slaves herself. This was my first time writing her, though, so feel free to throw out constructive criticism if she seems too OOC. Thanks to misha (allbluechaser) for inadvertently giving me the inspiration for this one. XD

**Summary:** This is a fierce competition for Nami's pride as a seductress!

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The Handkerchief Game

By Dandy Wonderous

Nami did _not_ like this Boa woman.

She was grateful to her, sure, for all she had done for Luffy. For taking him to Impel Down, for her help at Marineford, and for bringing her captain safely back to Sabaody Archipelago. But she didn't _like_ her.

There she was now, strutting about the pier like she owned the place and rendering every man in the vicinity senseless with her "beauty." Even Zoro wasn't completely unaffected, a blush coloring his cheeks as she pressed up against him and fluttered those long eyelashes, so that he choked out something about training and ran away.

Nami shook her head in disgust. As if she was actually impressing anyone with her sluttyness!

She would have to put a stop to this.

She trotted down the gangplank and right up to Her Royal Skankiness and put her hands on her hips. "Stop distracting the men from their work!" she said angrily. "We have to set sail in three hours!"

Hancock turned to her and gave her a pout, her lip quivering. "But Nami, I'm just having a little fun."

For but a second, Nami forgot herself in the face of the Pirate Empress' beauty. "Oh, well, I guess you can… NO NO!" She shook her head to clear it. "Knock it off!"

Hancock's pout instantly turned to a glare. "I understand that you're jealous of me, but that's no excuse to be rude, peon."

"Like hell I'm jealous! And who are you calling a peon!?!" Nami's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Lie all you want, but you can't hide it; you're jealous of my beauty and my way with men."

"Way with men!?!" Nami folded her arms. "ANYONE can seduce a guy just as well as you can."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

Hancock's eyes flashed in fury, and she did something very bizarre, Nami thought, where she leaned back until she was staring up at the sky and pointed a finger at the navigator. "So you think you can woo as many men as Boa Hancock, most beautiful woman in the world, eh, wretch!?! Then we shall have a contest to see if it is so!"

"A contest?" Nami repeated, confused.

"Yes!" The Shichibukai righted herself out of her strange position and stared at Nami once more, still pointing with one hand while the other rested on her hip. "We will woo men and convince them to retrieve our handkerchiefs for us. And the one who has conquered the most by the end, wins."

Nami raised an eyebrow, sensing an opportunity. "And what do I get if I win this contest?"

"What do you want?"

She considered. "That coat must have cost a pretty beri, and those earrings… solid gold?"

"Yes."

"Mmm… Alright. If I win, you give me your clothes. Everything you're wearing now, jewelry included."

Hancock scoffed. "Such menial requests. But _when_ I win, you will come aboard my pirate ship and spend the rest of your pathetic life doing my laundry. Deal?"

Nami hesitated. A deal like that could take her away from her dream and her nakama. But still, this was a matter of her honor as the seductress of the Strawhat pirates!

"Deal!"

"Good. We have exactly one hour." She clapped her hands, and two of her pirate underlings snapped to her side. "Keep count," she ordered.

And the game began.

Nami saw right away that she had made a mistake. She would drop the handkerchief Hancock had leant her, then affect a sad girl pose, which would entice a guy closer. She actually got a few by going to pick it up herself, so that they could race to it first and get a good shot at her boobs. But the second any of her prospects saw that snake, they forgot all about her and went straight to help Hancock.

With only ten minutes left, the score was Nami five, Hancock thirty-two.

If she was going to save herself from a life of laundry duty, she had to come up with a plan, and fast.

And that was when she saw him coming back to the docks, arms loaded down with groceries, whistling merrily and shooting broad grins at any girls he passed.

Nami's heart leapt. She had one last shot at this.

"Hey, Hebiwhore," she said scathingly. "How about we change this to all or nothing?"

Hancock bristled at the insult, but still looked down her nose at Nami. "Why? Because you're losing so badly?"

Nami shrugged. "If you're afraid, then I guess-"

"Fool! Of course I'm not worried! There's no way you could woo a man before I did!"

Nami smiled. "Oh, I think there is." She pointed at him, almost to the pier now. "That one, right there; whoever's handkerchief he picks up, wins."She sighed but held up her hands in acquiescence. "Okay, fine. You'll lose either way."

Sanji (for of course it was he Nami had seen approaching) came closer. Hancock made a big show of dropping her handkerchief, fake swooning at the thought of having to pick it up, jiggling her breasts and sighing.

Sanji immediately set down the bags and hurried toward it. "Don't worry, my angel!" he cooed, hearts in his eyes. "Your knight has come to-""Sanji."

The blond froze in place, then turned slowly to look at Nami. She had her hands on her hips, a handkerchief laying on the ground in front of her.

"Do NOT pick up her handkerchief," she commanded. "Pick up mine instead."

Sanji blinked in surprise, then nodded and started walking over. "If you say so, Nami-san."

Nami smiled in triumph as Hancock's jaw dropped. She quickly snapped it shut again and said, in as sensuous a voice as she could, "Sanji."

Sanji stopped and looked back at her, curious.

She put a finger on her lip and donned her most vulnerable look. "Won't you get _my_ handkerchief instead of that nasty girl's?"

He shook his head apologetically. "I'm sorry, my dove, but I can't. I've been told not to." He stooped and picked up Nami's handkerchief, handed it to her with a broad smile, then looked back at Hancock. "If you want, I could find someone else to do if for you."

"Don't bother," Hancock spat, bending and picking it up herself (earning many catcalls as she did). "You horrible bastard." "Don't worry about it, Sanji-kun; take the supplies to the ship."

"Hai, Nami-swaaan!" The hearts back in his eyes, Sanji grabbed up his groceries and ran off.

"I don't understand!" cried Hancock. "He was eating right out of my hand, and then… how could he resist my charm!?!"

"Sanji-kun falls to pieces over anything with boobs. You may be beautiful, but he sees every woman as equal, so you're no different." Nami watched his disappearing back with a smile.

"So then why did he immediately follow _your_ orders!?!" Hancock demanded, doing that strange back bend thing that Nami was beginning to find annoying.

"Simple," she answered, bringing the queen snapping back upright. She held up her left hand, showing a small but still dazzling diamond on her ring finger. "I'm more than just a woman to him."

**The End**

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A/N: Basically, Hancock's beauty has got the same effect on Sanji that Perona's ghosts have on Usopp. Because Sanji is in a constant state of lovesickness, a girl's beauty has no bearing on him at all. But Nami, in all her semeness, has got him well under her thumb. XD

I'm dying, DYING, to see a Alvida versus Kalifa versus Hancock catfight over the title of most beautiful woman in One Piece, since they've all claimed the title at one point. It's bound to be awesome. XD

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

(And I'll get to others soon, I promise.)

Baka~chan: You betcha! They were my favorite cartoon characters once upon a time… *reminisces* Oh good, so you liked it. Awesome! Thanks so much! ^^


	10. Weight

**Title:** Counting Carbs

**Theme:** Weight

**Word:** 686

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** Nami and Sanji are at an advanced enough relationship to sleep in the same bed. However, this isn't particularly fluffy 'til the end.

**Warnings:** All Abra could say after reading this was "the horror," so you can make of that what you will.

**Notes:** I have wondered about this before…

**Summary:** Ah, the hazards of being married to a chef…

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Counting Carbs

By Dandy Wonderous

It was a beautiful, peaceful day on the Thousand Sunny. The sky was a cheery blue, dolphins did acrobatics above the waves, and the light music of a violin filled the air, accentuated by laughs and good natured ribbing from the ship's inhabitants. A picturesque scene indeed.

Suddenly, the door to the galley slammed open with an ominous crash, causing everyone on the lawn to freeze in fear and confusion. There was a loud, wet thunk as something emerged, the force of that solitary step shaking the entire ship.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Thunk.

The Strawhats all gasped as a shadow fell over them, an immense form blocking out the light from the sun. It was a giant, squishy ball of flab, slightly moist from sweat, wearing a bikini that was in all ways too small for it. Beneath a short, stringy clump of orange hair was a swollen face with two beady eyes looking out at them. A bit of the flab disconnected from the main clump, an arm, and it raised a huge glob of chocolate to a gaping mouth that gobbled it up. Chocolate and drool mixed and dribbled in sick rivers down onto the thing's barely covered breasts.

"Well, what are you all standing around for?" the thing bellowed around its mouthful. "Someone turn us ten degrees west." It licked some chocolate off its wrist, revealing a log pose that was tied on with a bit of rope because the original band had snapped. "Do it now, you morons!"

"Right away, Nami!" cried the crew, tripping over each other in their haste to be away from the horrid hulk of flesh that was their navigator. The girl herself merely laughed and licked chocolate off her fingers, seeming to grow more by the second. "Sanji-kun!" she screeched. "More sweets!"

"Right away, Nami-san!" Sanji cooed, appearing with a plate bearing a large cake. He held it up to her, and she laughed gleefully and grabbed a handful, shoving it into her maw, heedless of the icing and crumbs that fell onto her jiggling stomach, while Sanji sang, "Mellorine!" in the background, watching as she devoured bite after bite, growing bigger with each one until she was so large the ship's hull cracked beneath her-

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

Nami sat straight up in bed, gasping in horror. She immediately flung back the covers and felt her body. Size D boobs? Check. Size zero waist? Check. Legs… a little flabby. She poked them dejectedly but with relief. At least she was nowhere near that horrible nightmare.

"Nami!" Sanji had jerked awake next to her, alerted by her scream and looking around wildly for the threat. "What's wrong!?!"

"Sanji!" Before he could do a thing, she had grabbed his shoulders and started shaking him. "How many calories does your food have? Do you use any sugar substitutes!? WHAT ABOUT TRANS FATS!?!"

"Na-mi-san, I pro-mise my fo-o-od is com-ple-ta-ly he-al-thy-"

"CARBS!" she shrieked nonsensically.

"Na-mi, I-OW!"

She stopped shaking him when he bit his tongue, wincing. "Um, oops. Sorry…"

"It's okay, Nami-san." He touched his tongue gingerly, then held out his fingers. "See? No blood. Now…" He looked at her curiously. "What's all this about carbs?"

She blushed, looking down sheepishly. "Um, I had a dream… that your cooking… made me… fat."

He blinked at her, speechless.

"Like, colossal," she added.

He blinked one more time before it all clicked in his brain. He shook his head furiously. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no! My food would never make you fat, Nami-san."

She raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Are you sure? You bring me so many snacks and sweets and-"

He grabbed her in a hug and pulled her against his chest. "Nami-san, don't be silly. My job is to keep the crew fed and healthy. Everything I cook for you is totally balanced."

"Everything?"

"Yep!"

"Mm… okay then." She relaxed.

"If you're having trouble sleeping, Nami-san, would you like me to make you-"

"NO!" she cut him off abruptly. "No food."

"But Nami-san, I told you-"

She cut him off by snuggling closer. "You can just hold me tonight instead."

"H-h-haaaiii, Nami-swaaan…"

**The End**

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A/N: Imagery is fun, yo. ^^

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Baka~chan: Exactly! ^^ Thanks! I was afraid she was a bit OOC, since she hates men, but oh well. Technically, Meowth was my favorite favorite, but I loved James especially and Jessie too because of that. And they're the best; WAY funnier than Ash (especially in later episodes where Ash stops being funny period). XD

Blue Haven: Woot! Thanks! ^^ Right? Enemy Hancock's attack was not effective. XD I dunno; Alvida's pretty kick-ass. ^^ Doctorine doesn't have to prove that she's a sexy lady. XP YOU KNOW IT IS! ^^'


	11. Log Pose

**Title:** Magnetic North

**Theme:** Log Pose

**Words:** 774

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** DRIPPING IN THE FLUFF!!!

**Warnings:** Frobin hints

**Notes:** Yes, I DID more or less steal this plot from _Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest_. Sorry.

**Summary:** This log pose points to your heart's desire, whether you know what it is or not.

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Magnetic North

By Dandy Wonderous

"Hmm…"

"Navigator-san? What are you doing?"

Nami continued to stare intently at the log pose in her hand. "I just can't figure this out."

"Are we not on course for the next island?" Robin asked, leaning over the arm of her chair to look more closely.

"Huh? Oh. No, that one's working fine," she dismissed, waving her wrist at the archeologist. "See?"

"Yes, I see it, and forgive me for overstepping my bounds, but isn't it pointing in the opposite direction of where we're going?"

"It is," Nami replied, apparently unconcerned that they were completely off course. "But _this_ one," she indicated the pose in her hand, "is pointing the way we're headed. Or at least it was this morning."

"And what exactly is that pose supposed to be leading us to?"

"Hopefully, a big treasure." Nami shook the uncooperative item in annoyance. "I got it from this strange gypsy woman in town. She told me that it would lead me to my heart's desire."

"And your heart's desire is a big treasure?"

"Of course!" Nami smiled at her, beri signs in her eyes.

Robin laughed. "So is it working?"

"I don't think so." She pouted. "It was pointing this way," she pointed in demonstration, "and now it's pointing the other way." She nodded over her shoulder, to where Usopp, Chopper, and Luffy were playing, while Zoro and Sanji argued with each other in the background.

"Perhaps I could try, Navigator-san," Robin suggested, holding out her hand.

"Well… okay." Nami reluctantly handed the pose over. "But it's just a scam."

Robin held the pose in her hand and watched as the needle spun, as though locking on to her heart's desire the way a normal pose locked onto an island's magnetic pull. After a few seconds, it stopped, pointing with a slight quiver toward the forward end of the ship.

Where Franky happened to be working on something in the sun.

Robin smiled.

The cyborg got to his feet, wiping sweat from his brow, and walked to the galley to get another cola. The needle followed him.

"I believe it works just fine, Navigator-san," she said with a laugh, passing it back to Nami.

"Then why won't it work for me!?!" she wailed, letting her head flop to her arms.

"Runnin' away, curly brow?"

"I have to make lunch, dumbass!" Sanji passed by, giving the girls a bright smile. "Would you lovely ladies like a drink? A snack, perhaps?"

"Yes, thank you, Cook-san."

"Sure, Sanji-kun. Oh, look, Robin! It's moving again!"

Robin caught the disappointment on Sanji's face when she didn't even look up at him, but he hid it quickly and trilled, "Right away, my angels!" before twirling away.

Nami was staring at the pose, which was now pointing at the galley door. "I don't understand… Oh, wait! Maybe the treasure's on a ship! Of course! That makes perfect sense." She grinned. "Mystery solved! We're looking for a ship carrying lots of gold and jewels and diamonds…"

"Are you sure it's a ship, Nami-chan?"

"Of course I'm sure!" Nami frowned at her. "What else _could_ it be?"

Robin smiled a knowing smile. "Yes, what else indeed."

A few minutes passed in which Nami muttered about the pose, saying that she'd have to find some way to catch up with the ship, especially with its erratic sailing pattern. She was just deciding it must be caught in a strange current when Sanji opened the door, balancing a tray of drinks.

"Nami-swaaan! Robin-chwaaan! I brought drinks of love for you! And here's some tea for the rest of you morons."

He was set upon by his thirsty nakama, and then he made his way to Robin's side. The historian watched as the pose her friend's eyes were so glued to moved slowly to point at her. He set the drink down with a flourish and she thanked him. Then he walked around behind their chairs, the needle swiveling to point at Nami herself and then to the other side.

Sanji leaned over to set her drink on the little table between the two women.

The pose's needle pointed straight up.

Nami looked up in shock, her eyes locking with Sanji's. For a moment they were frozen, staring at each other.

Then Sanji hesitantly cupped the back of Nami's head and tilted her chin back. "Nami…" he whispered, before closing the gap to taste her lips.

Nami wrapped her arms up and around his neck, dropping the log pose to the deck with a soft clatter.

Robin grinned and returned to her book. She knew pointing Nami out to that gypsy would be worth it.

**The End**

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A/N: What is it about Robin that makes her so useful as a matchmaker? Aw well.

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Blue Haven: Yes! She has come to attack Tokyo! I mean, the Grand Line! Flee!!! Yes, because Sanji pwns at cooking. ^^ Oh yeah. It's a good thing none of the other guys happened to be in the room at the moment, or they would have been beaten to a bloody pulp. XD Thanks!!!


	12. Tombstone

**Title:** Ghost Story

**Theme:** Tombstone

**Words:** 606

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** Pretty dang fluffy.

**Warnings:** Future Fic, Character Death (sort of…?)

**Notes:** I was determined not to make "Tombstone" depressing. XP SORRY, THREE-DAYS-LATE!!! I jacked your nicknames for Nami and Sanji from "A Saunter Through Time." I just really like them. So, when you get to what's written on the tombstones, that belongs to three-days-late, not me. -_-' I'm not that cool. Sigh…

**Summary:** There is a tradition, on an island in East Blue, that will supposedly grant you true love and happiness…

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Ghost Story

By Dandy Wonderous

In East Blue, there is a famous island, popular with tourists. Some come to tour the extensive mikan grove in the center, on the natural part of the island, around which the artificial, industrial part is built. It is the biggest in the world, and many farmers come to learn the secrets of its tending, while artists flock to paint its rich beauty, a strike of green and orange in a landscape that turns grayer by the day.

Others come to eat in the famous Pinwheels restaurant that sits on the remaining natural beach on its shore. It is run by the best chefs in the world, and staffed with the toughest of ex-criminals, as those with a sketchy past and a willingness to work are always welcome. Aspiring cooks come in droves to learn about the legendary culinary masterpieces created here.

The biggest number of tourists, though, are those interested in seeing that which sits on a hill overlooking the ocean. Here, on the only part of the island completely untouched by the industrial revolution shaking the rest of the world, are four tombstones. The first, a simple headstone bearing a mikan and vines of flowers, stands above a woman named Nojiko and the man she eventually gave her heart to. Next to them is a stone cross, replacing a wooden one that rotted away over two hundred years ago, guarding forever the resting place of a brave woman who gave her life for her family. And finally, there are two separate markers, almost identical, with an engraving of the Strawhat Jolly Roger on each and "The Second Pirate King's Compass" and "The Second Pirate King's Right Foot" inscribed on them, respectively.

Many come to see this, to look upon the graves of the woman who created the first (and only) map of the world before airships were created to chart from above and of the man who proved All Blue to exist. They look upon these tombs and see the legacies of two people who had dreams and who accomplished them against all adversity.

Every year, the grand Mikan Festival is held. It is a colossal week-long festival, with feasting provided by the cooks of Pinwheels, entertainment brought in from around the world, rides, games, and a huge tent erected for dancing and partying into the early hours of morning. People from the surrounding islands as well as from all five Blues and the Grand Line and the White Sea come to share in the festivities. Even the descendents of those two heroes, afflicted with the same wanderlust of their ancestors, return to join in the celebration.

One tradition of the feast is for young lovers to go out to the graves at twilight, bearing gifts for those buried there. It is said that if a woman leave a freshly picked mikan on the grave of the Pirate King's Compass and a man leaves a pack of cigarettes on the grave of his Right Foot, their love will be blessed and will last for all eternity. It is a common practice, and by morning there are two big mounds left for the dead pirates.

And it is rumored that, if you walk outside the tent while the moon is at its brightest, the music at its loudest, and the wine in the air at its strongest, you can see a suited man rise up from the graves. He'll extend his hand in offering, and a woman will take it and rise up out of the earth to join him, and together they'll dance out over the ocean that they both loved more than anything.

**The End**

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A/N: Several people liked this one, though I didn't, really. ^^'

Those of you who were following this on LJ, guess what tomorrow is! Heeheehee! I've got my blast shield ready for the barrage of flamage. ^^

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Blue Haven: Thanks! Hahahaha, totally! ^^ Frobin is ALWAYS welcome. XD Thanks again!


	13. Unlucky

**Title:** Bad Day

**Theme:** Unlucky

**Words:** 7,585 (yes)

**Rating:** T

**Fluff Rating:** Not particularly fluffy until the very end and in one spot before that. That said, Nami and Sanji ARE boyfriend/girlfriend in this fic.

**Warnings:** Sanji torture. Of the menial, everyday kind. It doesn't make it any better, though. XP As a result, there is a lot of cursing. Oh, and Sanji in the shower at one point. Though that's more of a, "Come to the dark side, we have Sanji neekid" than a warning. XD

**Notes:** I've read a few fics where Sanji has a pretty crappy day, and basically I wanted to outdo them (aren't I such a lovely fangirl?). I got several responses to this that I was too cruel, so I predict that three-san will confiscate him from me again. But I don't care what anyone says, I had fun writing this. I don't know what that says about me, but I'm sure it tells volumes. XP Don't worry, tomorrow I make it up to him BIG TIME. XD

This fic also made it obvious who the Sanji fangirls on the comm were. They were all like, "Augh, Sanji, my heart aches for you!" while all the others were like, "Lol, I liked when Zoro dropped him in the floor." XP

Also, I took several small liberties with the layout of the Sunny's bathrooms, added a washing machine and a dryer, and messed around with the plumbing. ^^

**Summary:** This day was officially a fail, and if he had known it would be he would have told Zoro not to wake him up at all.

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Bad Day

By Dandy Wonderous

Sanji knew it was going to be a bad day when he woke up a little after midnight biting back a scream.

He couldn't help it; the okama in that dream had just seemed too _real_.

He lowered himself back down to his pillow, panting and swallowing hard. He closed his eye and saw make-up covered men behind his eyelids, laughing and calling, "One of us! One of us!"

Sanji's eye flew back open. There were some things that were simply _too _frightening, even for him.

He stayed awake for almost two hours, tossing and turning, reminding himself that he was on the _Sunny_ now, not back on that accursed island, and there were the snores all around him to prove it. He had wandered restlessly up on deck twice for a smoke and had to stop himself from knocking on the women's door eight times before he finally fell back asleep.

Three hours later, a rough hand rudely woke him, shaking his shoulder.

"What." he growled. Not a question.

"Time for you to get up, ero-cook."

Sanji pried his eyelid open and glared up at the swordsman. "Already?"

"Up."

Sanji turned onto his other side obstinately. "Come back in half an hour."

"I thought you had to get up now to get breakfast ready in time."

"Half an hour won't hurt. Go away."

"Dartboard, are you-"

"Go. AWAY.

"Tch. Fine. But don't blame me when you don't have food ready in time for Luffy."

Sanji only grunted and slipped back into blissful unconsciousness.

A second later, he felt a vague touch on his shoulder. He scowled at it and curled deeper into his pillow.

Someone at his bedside made an annoyed noise, and then Sanji felt his mattress lift up in the air and slide away from under him.

Oh, wait; _he_ was the one sliding.

Sudden contact with the cold floor adequately woke Sanji, and he jerked his now sore head up to glare at the perpetrator.

"Damn it, shitty marimo! What the hell are you doing?"

"It's been over thirty minutes, cook; I think you should get up now."

Sanji muttered many dark insults to Zoro's entire family and grabbed the edge of his bunk to pull himself to his feet. He forgot, however, that there was a rough part in the wood, and as he used it as support he slid his hand across it and got a splinter in his finger.

He fought a wince as he realized what had happened. Zoro noticed and raised an eyebrow.

"You okay, dartboard?"

"Yeah, shithead, I feel just peachy after getting dropped on my head." No need to let the other know he was in pain over a tiny sliver of wood.

Zoro smirked annoyingly. "Anytime, cook."

Sanji grumbled more insults and stalked out of the cabin. He needed tweezers.

He went into the men's bathroom and opened the cabinet above the sink. It was a mess; his hair gel fought for dominance with Franky's and Brook's, there was blue and pink crust everywhere from Luffy's blueberry and Chopper's bubblegum toothpaste, and he decided he didn't _want_ to know what exactly the orange mold was, or what it had been. He grimaced and began a ginger search for tweezers, careful not to touch anything that didn't belong to him for fear of contaminating his injured appendage. As he was cautiously moving aside his cologne, he accidentally knocked over what appeared to be a bottle of oil, which in turn sent his toothbrush spinning off the little shelf and into the floor. He sighed and bent to get it, and as he straightened back up he banged his head on the sink.

"Augh! Shit!"

He reached to clutch his once again throbbing head with his hands, and so doing dropped his toothbrush… this time into the toilet.

Sanji stared at it in horror as it floated around the white porcelain bowl. Well, there was no way he was using _that_ again. He supposed he would have to get by with floss, mouthwash, and his finger until they reached port. And he smoked enough, maybe Nami wouldn't notice. Or he could just not kiss her until then.

Sanji sighed in defeat and turned back to the cabinet.

It was apparent that they didn't have any tweezers in their bathroom (unless they were buried in the mold or toothpaste crust), so he decided to try the girl's bathroom instead. Luckily, neither of them were awake this early, so he wouldn't be in their way. He opened the cabinet and found a very orderly array of feminine products; powders, mascaras, eyeliners, lotions, creams, masks…

All of it made him shudder as the dream came back with force, and he had to remind himself that this stuff was being used by his lovely ladies (especially Nami), _not_ okamas.

With a sigh of relief he found the tweezers and held up his finger. The splinter was deep, so he would have to break the skin to get it out. He winced, hating the thought of injuring one of his precious fingers even that little, but he had no choice. The last thing he wanted was to get an infection and then get stuck in the infirmary with a shot-happy Chopper.

He held his hand over the toilet (so he wouldn't get blood on the ladies' sink) and, gritting his teeth, dug into his finger. It hurt like a bitch, but he refused to give the pain any acknowledgment and got the wood out. He rinsed the little smear of blood and nodded in satisfaction that his finger was now splinter-free. He was just about to leave to take a shower when he happened to glance at his face in the mirror. He had a pimple near his hairline.

He frowned at it and moved closer to the mirror to inspect it. Yep, a full blown pus bag; just what he needed.

Then Sanji remembered the miracle of concealer. It was probably the only useful thing he had learned about on that Godforsaken Kamabakka island, that concealer could hide any unsightly blemishes that might turn the ladies off.

He opened the cabinet and found it right away. Now, to actually use it…

He had promised himself that he would _never again_ do anything associated with his short stint as an okama, and that included make-up of any kind. But perhaps this was worth it?

Well, if no one knew about it, it couldn't hurt, right?

Carefully, he squeezed a small drop of the skin colored liquid onto his finger and rubbed it onto the pimple. It was then that he realized his mistake; his skin was several shades lighter than either Nami's or Robin's, and now there was a large, dark dot on his forehead.

Cursing, he scrambled for some toilet paper to wipe it off, but ended up smudging it even more, so that his whole forehead had a dark tint. He stared at it in dismay.

"Cook-san?"

Sanji's heart jumped to his throat in surprise and then plummeted to his feet in panic. Robin had seen him.

"Y-yes, Robin-chan?" he stuttered, hoping she hadn't noticed his forehead.

She laughed lightly behind her hand, and he knew she had. "Do you need some help?"

He gulped and hurried quickly out the door and past her. "Excuse me, Robin-chan, I need to go take a shower."

"It's not waterproof, Cook-san, so don't worry," she called after him, still laughing. Sanji's cheeks burned and he fought the urge to bang his head repeatedly against the mast.

He snuck back into the men's cabin and got his clothes, careful not to wake his sleeping nakama. He was way behind this morning, and if he woke them before breakfast was ready, there would be hell to pay… for him, anyway. Especially with his new artificial forehead tan.

He took his clean suit and dress shirt and hurried up to the bathhouse in the crow's nest. Zoro was there, finishing up his dawn watch with some early morning pushups. He eyed Sanji, silently pointing out that the cook was late, and Sanji glared back, silently telling him where to stick it. He forgot his forehead momentarily, and hoped Zoro was too much of a moron to notice.

Safe in the bathhouse, he stripped out of his clothes from the day before and went in to take a shower. He warmed the water and stood under it for a few minutes, letting it pound on his back and shoulders comfortingly. This morning had been shit, but maybe it was all about to get better.

Then, elsewhere on the ship, someone flushed a toilet.

The water went abruptly from pleasantly warm to scalding hot, and Sanji yelped in surprise and pain. He backed instinctively from the spray and slipped on the tile, tumbling onto his tailbone. The pain that shot up his spine paralyzed him, forcing him to stay still as the steaming water roared down, followed by freezing cold. A few shivering moments later, the water returned slowly to where he had set it and he managed to get back to his feet, rubbing his sore bottom.

Franky _really_ needed to do something about that.

Cautiously, he stepped back under the stream and resumed his shower. Normally he savored showers as a moment to himself that didn't involve work, but now he cleaned hastily, not wanting that to happen again and half expecting it to.

But it didn't, and he rinsed the soap off and turned off the shower without further incident.

He stepped out into the other room and dried off with a big, fluffy towel. Then he reached for his clothes… and realized they weren't there.

Confused, he looked around the small room, but there was nothing there. Not even his shoes. Dread began to build in his stomach.

This could _not_ be a good sign.

He wrapped the towel around his waist (_Calm down, it's not a skirt, it's NOT a skirt…_) and slowly opened the door to the lookout. It was empty; Zoro must have finished his morning reps. Sanji emerged fully from the room and hurried to search it-

Slamming his bare pinkie toe against a barbell Zoro had left out.

Sanji flopped to the floor in pain, clutching his foot. He hissed in several short breaths, separating each with a violent curse. His pinkie throbbed and was already turning an angry, swollen red. There was a reason he kicked with his instep or his heel; hitting things with your toes freaking _hurt_!

When he was finally able to move again, he rose to his feet gingerly and went to the window, watching where he stepped this time.

Down below, he could see Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper with his clothes, laughing loudly and pretending to be him, while Franky, Brook, and Zoro watched in amusement.

Oh, they were _so_ going to get it.

Angry, he turned to run down and kick some nakama ass-

Slamming the _same_ bare pinkie into a _different_ barbell.

This time, Sanji didn't have the breath to cuss. Instead, he sank to the ground and laid his head against the cold boards, pounding his fist against them and biting his lip. He was fairly sure he had just smashed his toenail into his flesh, but he didn't really want to look.

_Shitty marimo! When I see that shithead, I'm going to freakin' shove my shitty foot so far up his shitty ass it'll come out his shitty ears, and then I'm freakin' going to take it out and freakin' do it again. Let's see the shitty bastard leave his shitty weights out after THAT!_

When the throbbing finally died down enough for him to stand up, Sanji rose to his feet and walked very carefully to the ladder, watching every inch of ground as he did so. He managed to make it down without further injury to his toe.

"Alright, you shitheads!" he roared, storming out on deck. "Who took-WHAT THE _HELL_ ARE YOU DOING!?!"

At some point during his agony in the lookout, Luffy had gotten the "bright" idea to use Sanji's suit jacket as a parasail. He was currently floating around above the lawn, with some help from his Gomu Gomu no Fuusen, on a gust of air.

"Hi, Sanji!" he called down. "Is breakfast ready yet?"

"GET BACK DOWN HERE WITH MY JACKET, SHITTY GOMU!!!"

Luffy stuck out his tongue. "When breakfast is ready."

Sanji gritted his teeth and turned to Usopp. "Shoot him down," he commanded.

"Uh, Sanji, he _is_ my captain, and-"

"Usopp," Sanji said calmly, taking a few looming steps toward the sniper, "I don't think you heard me. I said, shoot. Him. _Down_."

On the last word, he was leaning over the cowering Usopp, nose to long, skinny nose. The younger boy gulped and nodded, stepping carefully out of Sanji's shadow. "Right, I'll get right on that!"

He took out his slingshot and aimed carefully for the rubberman. He shot a pellet expertly into Luffy's side, and the air rushed between his lips with a whoosh, sending him flying around the deck like a popped balloon. Chopper jumped up and down delightedly, yelling, "Look at him go!"

Sanji watched in satisfaction as his captain deflated, but that satisfaction quickly turned to horror as both boy and jacket landed in the sea. "Shit! That can't get seawater on it!"

He jumped, towel and all, over the railing and watched as his jacket floated away while Luffy sank like a stone. For a moment he hesitated, looking between the two.

Then, with an exasperated underwater sigh, he dove after his captain.

Back on the deck a minute later, Sanji stood forcing the water out of Luffy's lungs with a foot in his gut, growling out all kinds of threats and insults. Finally, Luffy's tongue lulled out of his head and he said tiredly, "Saved," and Sanji ran to the railing to search for his jacket.

For a moment his heart jumped in relief that he could see it floating. Then it sank to the bottom of his stomach as a sea king appeared from the depths and ate it, quite inexplicably.

"Oops," said Luffy cheerfully. "Sorry, Sanji."

Sanji didn't answer, just stared at the spot where his jacket had been.

"Sanji?" asked Usopp.

Slowly, very slowly, the cook turned around. His bangs hung down, shadowing his eye.

"Is he mad?" Chopper whispered.

Sanji's eye glinted dangerously from the shadow and he took a step forward.

"Oh yeah, he's mad," said Usopp with a nod.

Sanji started to run toward them, and with a yelp and hasty apologies, the three fled toward the front of the ship.

The blond didn't get very far, though; the towel, which had faithfully hugged his hips through the ordeal so far, finally gave up and flopped down around his ankles. He flailed to catch his balance as his feet became entangled in the fabric, doing an impressive balancing act.

_I am _not_ falling down in front of the marimo!_

He finally managed to right himself. Pulling the towel back up with as much dignity as he could, he started to chase the miscreants again.

The grass, however, was wet and slick, and after about a step he slipped on it and fell flat on his butt, the towel abandoning him once more.

He had never seen Zoro laugh so hard, leaning on Franky for support. Sanji felt his face go through several shades of red at rapid speeds, and he grimaced in embarrassment.

"What is going _on_ over here?"

Sanji's red face went pale at the sound of Nami's voice as she came down the stairs from the forward deck. He did _not_ want her to see him like this. Naked, sure, sooner, he hoped, rather than later, but not while he was sprawled out on deck because some morons had taken his clothes.

He leapt to his feet, leaving the towel on the grass, and fled for the men's cabin, slamming the door behind himself just as Nami reached the lawn.

"What happened?" he heard her ask. "Was that Sanji?"

Neither Zoro, Franky, nor Brook could find enough breath to give a coherent reply, instead laughing harder. He imagined them rolling about on the ground at his expense and gritted his teeth in anger and embarrassment.

_No doubt the marimo put them up to it._

He sighed and ran a hand through his dripping bangs. No use worrying about it right now; he needed to get some clothes on before he could go beat the stuffing out of the shitheads that were supposedly his nakama.

He opened his locker with a bang, unashamedly taking out his frustrations on the locker door. He took them out a bit too hard, though, knocking it off its bottom hinge so that it swung back and forth with a creak, like an awkward pendulum. He stared at it with annoyance but decided not to worry about it. Today was bad enough without locker doors on his mind as well.

Inside his locker was a single pair of clean slacks, as well as a pile of dirty clothes. He remembered that he had planned to do laundry on their next sea day, which was today. He put on the slacks and pulled out the pile for examination. There were a lot of white shirts that he could wash at once, so he separated them out and threw the rest back inside.

He carried the laundry pile to the laundry room and dumped it into the washing machine, threw in some detergent, and started it. He considered going back to get his clothes lying on deck, but that would involve more exposure to his crewmates than he wanted at the moment, and they probably had grass stains that would require special attention anyway.

Still shirtless, he snuck back around his nakama to the galley. Safely hidden inside, he shut the door and started breakfast.

He moved confidently around the kitchen, starting bacon and potatoes frying and eggs boiling. He was sure his day would get better from here; he was cooking now, something he could do blindfolded if he had the inclination.

So thinking, he opened his spice cabinet and reached for some cinnamon, deciding that cinnamon pancakes were in order.

He picked up the single jar of spice, and the entire shelf it had been on broke, sending every container but the one he held crashing down onto the counter. None of the jars were glass (as if he needed all his spices breaking in every little storm), but that didn't stop several of the lids from popping off, filling his nose with pepper and paprika and tarragon. He had to lunge for a dish towel to sneeze into lest he should sneeze all over the food, and he blew into it, eye watering, until the fabric was covered in black and red specked snot.

Finally, his sneezing settled with the spice in the air, and he was able to look up and survey the damage. The counter was a mess, covered in a rainbow of finely crushed herbs, but on the bright side it hadn't ruined breakfast. He decided to clean it in a minute; right now the food needed tending.

Otherwise, breakfast went off more or less without a hitch (besides a drop of bacon grease splashing on his bare torso and orange juice squirting in his eye), and soon he was calling the famished crew in to eat.

Luffy was, as usual, the first in the door, reaching immediately for the bacon and ham, and Sanji gave him a harder kick than normal in retaliation for earlier. He noticed that the boy was shirtless as well, for some reason, but he didn't dwell on it as the others entered the galley, instead shooting Usopp a menacing glare and Chopper a less intimidating but no less punishing one. Zoro he decided not to look at.

The ladies were the last to enter, Robin gracing him with a smile and a good-morning as she took her coffee from him. Nami stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek in greeting.

"Morning, Sanji-kun."

"A most lovely good morning to you, too, Nami-san!" he cooed, hearts in his eyes. His horrible morning had just gotten a thousand times better. He noticed she was wearing the necklace he had gotten her in the last port.

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

He flinched. "All my shirts were dirty, so I'm washing them," he explained, omitting a large part of the story.

"Oh. Well, okay then." She hesitated, like she was going to ask more, but then she shook her head and went to get her plate.

The rest of breakfast went by without much problem, the worst thing being that he dripped syrup on his slacks and that Chopper attempted using the toaster himself with little success so that the galley now stank of burnt toast. Soon he was alone again, promising Nami a drink as he ushered even her out of the galley.

He cleaned up the disaster from earlier and the dishes, then went to check on his laundry.

The first thing he noticed when he came in was that the dryer looked like it had blown up. Chances were that Luffy had crawled inside to dry (again) and broken it (again). It would probably take even Franky a little while to fix (or, by the look of things, build a new one), so he would have to hang his clothes to dry on a line somewhere. _Shit._

The second thing he noticed, upon opening the washing machine, was that his white shirts were now all pink.

He now knew where Luffy's shirt had been this morning.

"LUFFY, YOU SHITHEAD!!!"

He stormed up on deck, where his captain was guiltily sneaking away toward the lookout. "STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU SHITTY GOMU!!!"

He crossed the lawn in a millisecond, punting Luffy into the mast. The rubberman bounced off and fell back down on the deck with a pout. "OW! Sanji, what was that for!?!"

"YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT THAT WAS FOR!!!" he raged, fire sparking dangerously around his legs. "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU _NOT_ TO PUT COLORS WITH WHITES!?!"

"But my vest was dirty, and I thought it would be faster if I just washed it with your clothes instead of waiting!"

"YOU IDIOT!!!" Sanji kicked him again, dealing him all the punishment he knew Luffy's rubber body could take. "ALL MY SHIRTS ARE RUINED NOW!!!"

"AAH! I'm sorry." He hung his head appropriately.

Sanji sighed in defeated frustration. "I ought to throw your shitty ass in the ocean, but I guess I won't if you never do it again."

The younger boy nodded enthusiastically. "I promise."

"Yeah, yeah." He shook his head, the fury draining out of him suddenly. It had just occurred to him that he would now have to hang his new pastel wardrobe on deck for everyone to see. Hell, he'd have to _wear_ all that at some point. He didn't even know if those shirts could stand up to the bleaching needed to fix it. Maybe he could just burn it all.

But Nami would be mad if he got rid of perfectly good shirts and asked her for the money to buy new ones, so he would have to hang it all up.

This day just got better and better.

Reluctantly, he left Luffy with a few more good kicks and went to get the clothes. He hung them on some rigging in the sun, and of course Zoro had to come along and make a snarky comment about his fitting new shirts. Sanji and he immediately launched into a fight, and while he had had the good sense to put on his shoes earlier, he still managed to block a sword with his hurt toe. The pain was far sharper than he anticipated, and he bit back a yelp of discomfort. Zoro noticed and smirked.

"Want me to go easy on you, pansy ass?"

"You wish, shitty marimo."

"Good choice, Curly-cook," said Franky suddenly, passing by. "You'll look super in pink!"

Sanji flushed while Zoro laughed again, for once dropping his guard. The infuriated chef swung a kick into his arm that the blocked at the last second, still snickering.

"I agree with Franky; pink is _definitely_ your color."

"You. Are. An. Asshole," he spat, punctuating each word with a blocked kick.

BAM! BAM!

"You guys are too noisy," said Nami, fist smoking, from where she stood over the two boys. "Stop it already."

"H-hai, Nami-swaaan…

"Damn witch…"

The navigator shook her head at them, then blew a little kiss at Sanji and walked off.

"Nami-san is so beautiful and commanding!" he cooed after her.

"You've already got her, ero-cook; give it a rest," said Zoro, rolling his eyes.

"You never know when she might change her mind," he said simply, and with the tiniest hint of fear. Then he paled; had he really just said something that unconfident to _Zoro_?

Even the swordsman seemed concerned… barely. "You feel okay today, dartboard?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he huffed, turning and marching off without another word. _Shit, do I need a smoke_…

He managed to find a relatively unoccupied bit of deck near the railing and leaned against it, watching the sea and pulling out a cigarette. As he lit it, he thought about the pack. Had he gotten more on the last island? After he had stolen that necklace from that shrine for Nami, they had pretty much booked it out of there with their asses under fire, so he hadn't had time. This was his last pack.

_Better make it last._

No sooner had he thought it than a ball came out of nowhere and hit him square in the back. He was so surprised that he dropped the pack, and it fell straight into the sea.

"SHIT!!!" he wailed, watching the cigarettes float away. He started after them, but stopped when he realized that it was a lost cause.

Whirling, once again ready to teach someone a painful lesson, he found Chopper in front of him, already teary with the realization that he was in trouble.

Sanji was furious, but he knew he couldn't (or wouldn't be able to) scold Chopper for it. _Damn him for being so shitty cute…_

"I'm sorry," Chopper sniffled, shuffling his feet. "I didn't mean to."

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. "It's okay, Chopper, I know you didn't." Why, oh why, did he have to be so soft-hearted!?!

"Are you mad at me?"

Another sigh. "No." _Yes, but damn it…_

Chopper's face split into a big grin, and the last of Sanji's anger turned into fruitless frustration. The doctor ran off to keep playing with the others, and Sanji wandered back toward the galley, smoking his cigarette as slowly as possible to preserve it for as long as he could.

He was starting to wish that he had asked Zoro to just not wake him up at all.

Suddenly, a huge blast of wind hit the sail, sending the ship careening off starboard. Nami jumped up from her deck chair and ran to the railing, then started yelling some sort of explanation about being sucked into some kind of current, wind or sea Sanji wasn't sure, he just knew that she needed him up in the railing securing the sails so that's where he was headed.

He climbed up into the rigging and ran around furiously, tying this and loosing that. It was only he and Luffy up here at the moment, he because he was the most sure-footed and Luffy because if he fell he would be unharmed.

Or at least he was _supposed_ to be the most sure-footed.

He certainly didn't feel that way when he found himself dangling upside down from a rope by his ankle, only three feet from having his head smashed onto the deck. Now, not only did his leg hurt like hell where the rope had jerked it while catching him, but he would have to be cut down.

_This is the shittiest day of my life._

"Yohohoho! You seem to be in a spot of trouble, Sanji-san."

His wiggled enough so that he revolved to face Brook, thanking what small amount of luck was still on his side that it was the ship's _other_ swordsman this time around. "What makes you think that?" he drawled, arms folded over his chest.

Brook frowned, puzzled. "Well, you seem to be dangling by your ankle from a rope. But perhaps my eyes are deceiving me. Ah, but I don't have eyes! Yohohoho!"

"I was being sarcastic!" Sanji fumed, glaring angrily at him. "Look, can you just cut me down. Please?"

"Oh, of course!" Brook stepped forward to do just that, then froze, tilting his head in puzzlement.

"What?"

"Pardon me, Sanji-san, but I was just wondering… how does your hair _do_ that?"

"Do _what_?"

"Why, stay over your left eye even while upside down. It's quite impressive! Yohohoho!"

"It's freakin' magic hair, okay? Will you just let me down already?"

"Magic hair? Really? Is it the same kind of magic that curls your eyebrow?"

"WILL YOU JUST CUT ME DOWN!?!"

"Oh right, all the blood must be rushing to your head! Hmm, I think I've forgotten how that feels. Yohoho!"

Sanji was about ready to find a way to kill a dead man by the time Brook finally unsheathed his cane sword and cut him down. He didn't bother trying to catch the cook, so that Sanji landed once again on his head.

"Augh…"

"Oh, my apologies."

"Whatever," he groaned, sitting up and rubbing his sore cranium. "Thanks for getting me down." _I think_.

"Anytime, Sanji-san."

From the lawn they could hear Nami announcing that they were safely out of the current and Luffy calling for a song. Brook hurried away, whipping a violin seemingly from thin air and launching into "Binks' Sake." Sanji sat for a moment and just breathed. Then, gathering some leftover reserves of pride, he got up and went out to join his nakama.

The time between then and lunch passed more or less uneventfully, and nothing happened to him for two glorious hours. He fetched drinks for the girls and sat in a deck chair with Nami in his lap, reading to him stories from the newspaper that he didn't really care about, but her voice was soft and smooth and reminded him that he was still tired from his crappy night and almost lulled him to sleep. Too bad Luffy crashed into one of Nami's trees and he had to leave his cozy little spot and go punish him for her.

His shirts had dried, so he took them down and carried them to the men's cabin. It was about time to make lunch, so he made to pull one on.

It was then that he learned that his two hours of bliss had been a ruse.

His back, chest, and shoulders were all nicely sunburned, so that he was as bright as fresh boiled lobster.

He winced as he pulled the course fabric of the dress shirt over the burnt skin. Most people didn't know it, because he had lived on the sea for most of his life, but he sunburned easily and tanned very little. Usually, he would slather himself in sunscreen if he wasn't wearing a dress shirt, but today it had slipped his mind. And now he was paying for that lapse.

He groaned and walked stiffly back to the galley, moving his upper body as little as possible so as not to rub against the fabric. This proved impossible once he started cooking, so he finally relented and took the shirt back off. It didn't help much; the burn throbbed if he moved at all.

After much painful, stiff movement, he managed to get lunch finished. He pulled the accursed shirt back on and called the crew in. Nami noticed immediately that something was off.

"Sanji-kun?" she asked gently, foregoing the normal food rush to come over where he was sitting on a stool, chewing his fingernail in absence of a cigarette. "Are you okay?"

"With you here, I'm perfectly wonderful, Nami-san!" he cooed quickly.

"…Be serious, please."

He deflated a little. "I'm fine, really. Today's just… not been the best."

She nodded sympathetically and turned him on his stool so that his back was to her, then started massaging his shoulders. Normally he would have melted into a puddle of happiness at her feet at such attention, but with the sunburn it hurt, _bad_, and while it tore him up to do it, he ducked away from her gentle fingers. "You should get some food before that shitty gomu eats it all," he advised, turning the stool before she could grab his shoulders again.

Now she looked really worried. "Sanji-kun, seriously, what's wrong?"

For one overwhelming second, he desperately wanted to tell her all about it, from beginning to end; just let it all out and get a lot of comforting hugs and kisses and maybe feel a little bit better about today.

He quickly stopped himself. He didn't want to sound like a whiner. That wasn't in the least bit attractive.

"I'm just tired, that's all. I'll be fine later. You should get food," he repeated.

She hesitated, uncertain, then kissed his cheek. The feeling overwhelmed him again, but he quelled it and watched her go eat with the others.

Once they had all eaten, he had more or less thrown them all out (even Nami, who was probing again) and washed the dishes. After that, he took inventory for no reason other than as an excuse not to go outside.

After that, he really had to pee.

He hurried to the men's bathroom, but the door was closed and locked. Annoyed, he banged on the door.

"J-just a minute! Hurgh…"

Sanji paled. Franky. And all the Strawhat guys knew better than to go to the bathroom right after Franky.

Okay then. He whirled on his heel and went around to the other bathroom. Surely the ladies wouldn't mind, as long as he was careful and remembered to put the seat down.

Their door was locked, too.

Despairing slightly, he knocked politely on the door. "Excuse me?"

"Sanji-kun? That you?"

"Nami-san? Are you using this bathroom?" He mentally smacked himself for stupid questions.

"Yeah. Do you need it?"

"No, that's fine," he said quickly, knowing women did not like to be rushed away from their primping. "Don't worry."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course!" He backed off and went back on deck. His bladder was starting to give him those "empty me or you'll be sorry" cramps.

Well, it wouldn't be the first time he'd taken a leak off the deck. Undignified, of course, but good in a pinch.

Except Zoro was training on deck at the moment, and he'd be damned if he would be pantsless in front of him again today, and oh, that sounded so _wrong_ and he hoped he never had to think that _ever_ again.

He went up to the front deck, but Robin was up there, watering flowers. She gave him a little wave, and he waved stiffly back.

This situation was reaching critical levels. He was NOT going to do something he hadn't done since he was four.

He went back to the middle deck and looked up at the lookout. The shower. _Wonder if anyone would notice if I-_

Franky choose that moment to come out of the bathroom. Sanji's bladder protested sharply and he decided that he didn't care, just this once. He took a deep breath and ran in.

Success.

Finished, he reached out to flush the toilet. The bowl emptied a little, then stopped.

Frowning, Sanji jiggled the handle. It rumbled some, and then nothing.

Annoyed, he yanked down on the handle as hard as he could.

The water lowered a little and then, to his horror, began to rise. After only seconds, the water was spilling over the edge of the porcelain.

With a yelp, Sanji danced backward, loathe to get his shoes in the toilet water. It quickly spread across the floor, and Sanji fought with the handle, having trouble in his panic, until he finally got the door open and fell outside. Jumping back to his feet, he slammed the door shut. After a moment, water began to leak out from under it.

He hopped away and watched in disgust, and then he noticed Usopp, who was gaping at him.

Sanji didn't even bother speaking, just gave the sniper his most menacing, "This is not my fault, and if you tell anyone otherwise you are dead" look. Usopp snapped his jaw shut, nodded, and ran away.

Sanji cursed to himself and walked back to the galley, planning to just hide in there until supper. He locked the door, but the lock broke beneath his hand. He wasn't surprised, just went over and sank down onto the little couch. He was right in the middle of the cushions, and he sank down between them and had to flail around like an overturned beetle to get out. Robin walked in at that moment in search of her afternoon coffee, and, upon noticing his plight, giggled and sprouted some hands to help him out. Sanji blushed and mumbled his thanks. She nodded and took her coffee, still smiling when she left.

Sanji sat on the couch for a long time, staring blankly at the wall. Maybe if he didn't move, nothing bad would happen.

That philosophy seemed like it was going to work, until he felt a hairy leg on his hand. He turned slowly to look down at it, then had to bite back a very unmanly yelp.

A huge, hairy, disgusting spider was perched unassumingly on his hand, blinking at him with too many eyes.

Sanji shook his hand furiously, trying to sling the spider off. He was successful; the spider ended up on his shirt and scuttled in between the buttons.

Sanji was now really ready to scream. He fought to rip off the shirt, popping a button as he did so. The spider was starting to scuttle for the waist of his pants, so he had to act fast to flick it away. Wincing slightly, he knocked it off, and it landed on the floor.

He jerked forward and squashed it viciously, smirking with relish as he did so.

_Take that, bug._

Then he felt a creeping along the base of his back, and on his shoulder, and on his chest.

He was covered in spiders.

No longer able to hold back a cry of panic, he ran straight out of the galley. He was in a haze and not sure where he was going, but somehow he ended up in the ocean again.

At least it got rid of the spiders.

A rope splashed down next to him, and he looked up to find Zoro smirking down at him. Sanji scowled and climbed up the rope, glaring the whole way. When he stepped onto the deck, he immediately swung a foot at the swordsman, and they launched into a fight. He didn't need a reason; he needed stress relief.

Many bumps, bruises, and minor incidents later, Sanji finally found himself serving dinner. He was so glad; once they were done eating and the dishes washed, he could go to bed and forget about losing to Zoro and getting catapulted to sea by Luffy and getting chased by Chopper when the reindeer learned about the splinter in his finger and accidentally swallowing one of Usopp's Tabasco stars.

It was a nice night and they were eating supper outside on the lawn. It went by fairly normally, but Nami was watching him carefully, and though Sanji was incredibly tense, ready for the next bad thing to come, he managed to pretend he was enjoying himself for her sake.

When supper was over, Sanji gathered up all the plates like usual and started to carry them back to the galley. He was wrapped up in thoughts of his bunk and leaving this day behind him forever, and therefore didn't notice the ball the younger pirates had been playing with earlier sitting right in his path.

WHUMP!

Sanji could only blink in confusion as he found himself on his butt once again, in front of every one of his nakama. None of the plates were broken-Robin was far faster than gravity-but that didn't stop his pride from breaking instead.

He squeezed his eye shut.

_It can't get any worse than this._

As though mocking him, a passing seagull pooped right square on his head.

Sanji could only sit still and feel the warm wetness drip into his bangs. He expected laughter, knew it was coming, and he couldn't blame them; hell, this time yesterday, he would have laughed at anyone in this same position (as long as they were male, of course). But he was _so tired_ of being laughed at today.

He was completely surprised when no laughter came. He opened his eye slowly to see that his nakama had gathered up the plates and were carrying them to the galley, chatting nonchalantly like nothing had happened. Then he felt someone pulling back the collar of his shirt, and he looked up to see Nami leaning over him, frowning.

"Why didn't you tell me about this horrible sunburn?" she asked, concerned.

Sanji didn't know if he could answer; he just sat, miserable.

"Here, come with me," she said gently, taking his hand and prompting him to his feet.

Mutely, he followed.

She led him to the lookout, then left him for a few minutes. He sat there and stared at his reflection in the glass. Man, did he look totally pathetic. He sighed and leaned against the window frame, tired, being careful not to get bird crap on it.

When Nami returned, she had a wet towel and a bottle of green liquid. With the towel she cleaned off his hair, swatting his hand away when he tried to do it himself. "Just relax, Sanji-kun."

Once that was done, she instructed him to take off his shirt and turn around. She squirted the green goo into her hand and started rubbing it on his flayed and peeling skin. It felt amazing, and Sanji sighed half-contently.

"…You've had a bad day today, haven't you?"

Sanji hesitated, and then slowly started listing for her the misfortunes of the day. As he went, he got steadily more confident and animated. It felt good to complain, whining or not. And she didn't laugh or act like he was being ridiculous, just rubbed on the aloe and hugged him periodically in sympathy.

By the time he finished, she was rubbing the lotion on his chest, and it felt _so nice_, he was about to drift off to sleep. Nami laughed wryly, making his eye flutter open again. "I wish you had said something sooner."

"Why?"

"Because all day I thought for sure you were going to break up with me."

Sanji's jaw dropped. "But… but why would I ever do that, Nami-san?"

She shrugged. "You were just being all distant, like you didn't want to speak to me."

He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her against his now soothed chest. "No way. I fought too hard for you; you're not getting away _that_ easily."

"Darn," she teased, grinning, and he kissed her head.

For a moment they were still, and then suddenly Nami gasped and sat straight up, slamming her head against his chin. He winced and she immediately gave him an apologetic kiss.

"Sorry, Sanji-kun, but I think I know why you've had such a bad day!"

"Huh?"

"The necklace!" She touched the glimmering chain hanging around her neck. "There was a rumor that this necklace curses all who steal it with bad luck, and since you took it off its pedestal in the shrine for me… Oh, Sanji-kun, I'm sorry!" She threw herself against his chest.

Awkwardly, he stroked her hair. "It's okay, Nami-san, you didn't know-"

"I _did_ know, I just didn't believe it! But look at everything that happened to you today; if that's not a curse, I don't know what is."

Sanji started rubbing her back comfortingly. "Well, if it's for you, Nami-san, I'll gladly take on any curse!"

She stopped sniffling and looked up at him. She smiled and cradled his cheek.

"Sanji-kun, thank you. But I'm not going to keep putting you through this for a necklace."

His heart swelled with love and gratitude. "Are you sure, Nami-san?"

"It's not really my style, anyway," she said jokingly, and he laughed. "We'll turn this ship around and take it back, and then the curse will be gone," she promised.

"Thank you."

"Mmmm…" She snuggled closer to him. "And until then, I'll stay with you and be your lucky charm, okay?"

"Okay."

She contemplated, then stood up. "We'll start with those nasty okama dreams. It's Robin's watch tonight; do you think sleeping in bed with me would keep your nightmares away?"

_A-all night? Cuddled up with my Nami!?!_ "Mellorine," he whispered, eyes turning to hearts.

She laughed and took his hand. "Come with me; I'll try to make this day better."

"Trust me, Nami-san, you already have."

**The End**

* * *

A/N: Heeheehee. ^^

I felt worst about the toe part. OOOOOOW!!! I did feel kind of bad about subjecting Sanji-kins to this fic, but it was the best idea I had.

Anyway, he gets Nami in the end, possible Nami smex if you want to think that way, so it's all good. ^^

And as I said, tomorrow makes up for it, I do believe. This one and the one tomorrow are the long ones, by the way.

TOTALLY RANDOM COMMENT! I recently discovered the beautiful song "Yellow" by Coldplay, and omg, has anyone else noticed that, while listening to that song, everything yellow around you just POPS? I heard it while I was in my car, and suddenly I noticed yellow EVERYWHERE! And then I was listening to it at a choir thing today, and I noticed all the yellow in there, too. And listening to it right now I noticed for the first time that I'm wearing a yellow shirt in the picture of me and my old dog, Dandy, that's sitting next to my laptop. Weird!!! But cool. ^^

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Blue Haven: Aww, mildly depressing? Dang… every time I write post-death fics I get that… Sigh… Those are credited to three-days-late, who is awesome. ^^ Thanks! You bet! XD I'm glad. Thanks for reading!


	14. Mountain

**Title:** From a Cabin in the Mountains

**Theme:** Mountain

**Words:** 4,549

**Rating:** M (to be safe)

**Fluff Rating:** If you don't like SaNa, don't even bother trying to read this.

**Warnings:** Extreme Fluffiness, Cursing, Several Prelemons

**Notes: **This was my grand finale, so I really poured on the fluff. ^^ The title of this fic comes from the Panic! At the Disco song of the same name, which actually has NOTHING to do with this story. XP I really enjoyed writing this one. And, as I promised, it pretty much makes up for the last one; after all, that was one day, this is a whole week. ^^ Thanks to Abra Cadaverous for the idea for the next to last section. XD

**Summary:** A whole week for their honeymoon; no crewmates, no responsibilities, no enemies. Just them and the snow.

**

* * *

**

From a Cabin in the Mountains

By Dandy Wonderous

"So, where exactly are we going, again?"

Sanji smiled down at Nami. She was cuddled against his chest in the seat of the carriage, watching the snowy trees pass by outside the window. "I already told you, we're going on our honeymoon."

She huffed. "That doesn't tell me much. And it's too late for that, anyway; we've already been married for four months."

"It's never too late, my sweet tangerine." He kissed the top of her head. "And I refuse to consider that night in the hotel our honeymoon. Even if it _was_ fun…"

She slapped him playfully on the arm, and he made a promiscuous growling noise. "I knew it," she said in fake annoyance. "You just wanted an excuse to isolate me for a week so you could have your perverted way with me."

He grinned and began tickling her sides without warning, causing her to shriek in surprise. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said over her gasping protests.

He continued to tickle her senseless until she turned the tide, getting a hand onto the sweet spot in his side where he was most ticklish. He yelped and surrendered to her, crying out for mercy between laughs. After several minutes he was tearing up from laughter and she decided to release him. He collapsed in the seat, panting, and then opened his eye and looked up out the window. "Oh! We're here!"

She looked out the window with him and gasped. There, on the edge of a frozen lake, was a small mountain cabin. There weren't any other houses visible anywhere.

"Sanji-kun…" she whispered, staring at the beautiful scene. As though in anticipation of their arrival, a light snowfall started, and some cardinals flew into the trees by the house and watched them curiously.

He sat up and wrapped his arm around her waist. "I thought you might like spending the week here while we wait for the log pose to set."

"We really have the whole week?" she said, sounding like a little kid being told she could keep the puppy.

"I rented it for the whole week, complete with plenty of food for the stay." He cleared his throat sheepishly. "Is it, uh, okay that I spent money on that?"

She smiled. "I don't mind _this_ time, Sanji-kun. You're right; this is _way _more romantic than that hotel room."

He grinned back. "Good."

The carriage came to a stop in front of the cabin and the driver got down and opened the door. He and his assistant began unloading their bags while Sanji and Nami went inside to explore their temporary home.

Inside was a small living room connected to a kitchen-with very nice, new appliances, she noticed, and guessed that Sanji had taken that into account when looking for a place to rent-that had a warm looking brick fireplace with a huge hearth, a large, earthy couch, and a big fluffy rug. There were huge glass windows looking out over the lake and the mountains rising behind it, with a door leading out to a large deck that had a grill on it for the summer months. The two men carried their luggage through a door into the bedroom and Sanji paid them, giving them instructions to return in a week unless he called them sooner, and then they left. The two went into the bedroom then, and Nami couldn't help but get excited about it. There was a big, comfy looking bed with warm quilts draped on it, a large, ornate dresser, and another door leading out to the deck (which, she just now noticed, had a hot tub on it, and she realized that was just as planned as the kitchen was). In the back was the bathroom, which had a large tub and a shower that was, Sanji noted slyly, more than big enough for two.

"It's beautiful," said Nami finally, watching the snow fall through the windows.

He laughed and took her hand. "Now, does your man deliver, or does he deliver?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I seem to remember that _I'm_ paying for this."

He flinched. "But I picked it out; I deserve _some_ credit, right?"

She laughed. "Okay, okay; you delivered." Then she frowned. "But is this really okay? Us being gone for a week…"

"I've already cleared it with Luffy," he assured her. "And I have this, anyway." He pulled a baby den den mushi from his jacket and held it out to her. "If they absolutely need us, they'll call us on this. And I've given them instructions not to call for anything less than someone dying."

She laughed and put the den den on the dresser. "So we're really alone out here."

He pulled her against his chest and put his chin on her head. "No waiting for Robin's watch or sneaking around annoying crewmates. No obligations or duties of any kind. Just you and me and the snow."

They stood that way for a long time, staring out the window, and then Sanji reluctantly released her. "I'm going to make supper."

She nodded. "I'm going to freshen up." Then she smiled coyly at him and headed for the bathroom, swaying her hips. "Don't take too long, baby," she tossed over her shoulder, and she heard him gasp out a mellorine before hurrying to the kitchen.

* * *

Nami stepped out of the bedroom and walked barefoot across the hard wood floor to where the small table was set with candlelight and two already full wine glasses. She was wearing a black dress he had thrust at her, and while she had said it wasn't necessary, he had convinced her to put it on.

He ushered her to her seat and brought the food to the table, some sort of dish with meat and vegetables and noodles the finer points of which she would never remember but that he enthusiastically told her about anyway. They fell into easy conversation about this and that, and the food was delicious, but Nami found both herself and her husband slightly distracted and anxious. When she finally put her fork down on her empty plate he hopped up to get dessert, only to be stopped by her hand on his arm.

"What did you make?"

"A mikan cake. Why?"

She smiled. "That'll keep until tomorrow." Then she rose from her chair.

Sanji was practically drooling. "Are you sure, Nami-san?"

"It's our honeymoon, isn't it?" So saying, she led him toward the bedroom.

"Oh, mellorine!"

* * *

The dress was easy to get out of, which Nami assumed was the point. She was grateful for it, because it felt like it had been ages since she could really _feel_ Sanji like this, the roll of his chest muscles and the heat of his smoky breath. Normally, things felt rushed, as there was quite literally the threat that they might be walked in on at any moment. And while Nami enjoyed any time with him, no matter what they were doing, she was grateful for this time truly alone with and immersed in him.

And speaking of things she never got to do…

"Sanji…" she murmured, breaking the hold he had on her lips.

"Yes?" He didn't seem too happy about that, but compensated by running his lips all over her collar bone.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

She forced his eyes up from her chest to look at her face. "Be here in the morning… so I wake up beside you."

He looked perplexed. "But Nami, don't you want me to make you breakfast?"

"No. I want you to be next to me when I wake up. Don't worry about breakfast; it can wait."

He bent down and kissed her lips rather forcefully. "I think I can manage that," he breathed against her ear.

"Mmm… Thank you."

* * *

Nami woke up with sunlight streaming down into her eyes. It occurred to her that the ground wasn't rocking, and it took a few moments for her groggy brain to remember where she was. She rolled over so her eyes were shielded from the bright morning sunshine and found herself pressed against Sanji's bare chest. He was sound asleep, his arm wrapped around her waist.

She smiled in contentment and snuggled closer to him. He sighed in his sleep.

It was strange-a good kind of strange-to see him laying there, the dawn lighting his face. He was usually gone by now, slipping out of bed silently so as not to wake her, to cook breakfast for the crew. And now here he was, going nowhere until she was ready for him to leave, his arm still around her as though protecting her from the world. She felt warm and safe here, now. She snuggled closer against him and started to fall back asleep.

_I could get used to this._

* * *

The second time she opened her eyes, he was awake, watching her silently with his head propped on his elbow. He smiled widely when she looked at him, then leaned over to kiss her lightly. "Good morning, beautiful."

She grinned cheekily and wrinkled her nose. "Ew. Morning breath."

He faked a wounded look. "Well, this was _your_ idea. I've usually had time to make myself more presentable."

She pulled back and stuck out her tongue in mock disgust. "You should be naturally fresh all the time."

"Excuse me for not meeting your high standards." He started to get up. "I'll just return when I no longer gross you out."

She grabbed his arm, pulling him back down next to her. "No. Stay."

He obliged, flopping back down on the pillow. "Don't you want breakfast?"

"Who cares about breakfast?"

"Not me. Not right now."

"I don't, either."

"Good."

They stayed that way for about another hour, Sanji stroking her hair slowly while they listened to each other's breathing. Finally, Nami sighed in resignation and sat up.

"I should go take a shower."

She crawled out of bed and walked around to the other side, then tugged Sanji's hand. He looked at her questioningly.

"Well, you _did_ say the shower was big enough for two, didn't you?"

* * *

After a breakfast that had actually been lunch, they decided to go outside and explore around the cabin. They bundled up in long-johns and thick coats and walked out into the snow, wandering into the woods and then back to the shore of the lake.

Nami waited until Sanji got a little ways from her, staring out over the ice, and then sneakily scooped up some snow, packed it into a ball, and threw it.

It hit him square in the base of the neck.

He stiffened, then turned around slowly to glare playfully at her while she laughed. "A snowball? Really, Nami?"

"Got'cha," she said smugly.

For a second, he stooped as though he were going to get her back, and she prepared to dodge. Then, without warning, he sprang toward her and wrapped her in his arms before she could run. He twisted in the air and landed on his back in the snow, then started scooping up armfuls and stuffing it inside her coat.

"Ack! Stop!" she cried, grabbing for her own snow and smushing it in his face. Soon they were dumping snow all over each other, rolling around on the ground, and all the while laughing like maniacs. Finally, they collapsed against each other, energy spent.

"…Shit, it's cold."

"Y-yeah." Nami pushed up to her feet, arms wrapped around herself. "Let's go inside."

She didn't have to ask him twice; he hopped after her, picked her up easily, and ran back for the cabin, slipping twice but eventually making it to the door. They entered the warm cabin stripping off wet clothes as they went, coming to flop on the couch in nothing but their underwear. They stayed that way awhile, then Nami turned coyly to him and grinned.

"We should try out the hot tub."

"Whatever you wish, Nami."

* * *

It was freezing for the three steps between the glass door and the tub, but Nami quickly forgot about it when she slipped into the steaming water. Sanji was right behind her, carrying two glasses of champagne. He slid in next to her and handed her one, and they settled in together and watched the snow fall through the twilight onto the lake.

They didn't speak at all, she leaning her head against his shoulder and sighing contentedly. He leaned over and kissed her head… and then her cheek… and then her collarbone…

He slid easily through the water, floating just in front of her. He didn't have his champagne anymore, but she didn't spare it much thought as he neared her and kissed her, again and again. His chest pressed up to hers, and the water felt icy compared to him. He slipped his lips into the crook of her neck and trailed all around her jaw and her cheeks and her lips and all over, and she felt the glass slip from her hand and slide into the water as she floated to him and wrapped her legs around his waist.

* * *

The next day the snow was coming down harder, so they stayed inside and lit a fire in the fireplace. Nami had found an interesting book in the bedroom that morning, and she was now curled up on the couch in his shirt and her pajama bottoms and fuzzy slippers, reading.

The door to the deck slid open and Sanji stepped in, arms loaded with logs for the fire. His hair and shoulders were coated in snowflakes. She looked up at him and laughed.

"You look like a snowman."

He grinned mischievously and sat down the wood, then walked over to her and shook his head like a dog. Snow showered down on her, and she shrieked, grabbed a pillow, and used to it to smack him. He held up his hands in defense, laughing.

"Okay, okay, I give up!"

Nami lowered the pillow suspiciously.

He stood there innocently a moment, then lunged around her and grabbed a pillow of his own. The two were soon tangled on the couch, hitting each other with cushions and laughing.

Then the den den mushi rang.

"Shit," said Sanji, lowering his pillow and gazing angrily in the direction of the bedroom.

"I'll get it!" Nami hopped nimbly over the back of the couch and skipped off to answer it. She grabbed the receiver off the hook. "Hello?"

"HI, NAMI!!!"

She yanked the receiver back from her ear with a cringe, Luffy's shout echoing in her head. "Hello, Luffy."

"WHEN ARE YOU AND SANJI COMING HOME!?! I DON'T WANT USOPP'S COOKING ANYMORE!!!" She could hear an indignant "Oi!" in the background.

"Not for four more days. And you don't have to yell, I can hear you just fine."

Sanji had walked in by that point and was leaning on the doorframe. He rolled his eyes, scowling. She smiled at him and gave him a little wave, and a grin tugged the edges of his lips against his will.

"Four days? Aww, but Nami, this island is boooriiing…"

"Well, that's too bad. I'm sure you'll find _something_ to entertain yourself with." Sanji had crossed the room behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, his chin on her shoulder. "Don't you like playing in the snow?"

"Usopp wins all the snowman contests, and Franky cheats at snowball fighting." She could just hear the pout in his words.

"Find a new game, then," she suggested, trying not to laugh as Sanji started nibbling at her ear.

"Tell him to leave us the hell alone," he muttered, his smoky breath caressing her cheek.

"Well, Robin _did_ hear about this big treasure on the other side of the island, but she said we shouldn't look for it without you."

She felt Sanji stiffen a little behind her. "A big treasure?" she repeated, unable to keep the curiosity out of her tone.

"Yeah! It's a really big one, hidden on the other side of the mountains, and… Huh? But Robin, _I'm_ talking to her right now! …Okay, fine. Here."

There was some jostling, and then Robin was on the line. "Navigator-san, it _is_ a sizable treasure. I managed to procure a map to its location."

"Just _how_ sizable?"

"Well, I'm no expert, but I'd guess around… one hundred thirty million, seven hundred thousand, four hundred and thirty beri or so."

"That was an oddly specific guess," Nami muttered, bewildered and suspecting the archeologist knew more about it than she was saying. "It _is_ a good treasure, though."

"I think I might be able to follow the map well enough, but I thought you might want to be with us to look for it."

Nami blinked. Robin was obviously offering her a choice: finish her honeymoon or look for treasure. Why, she had no idea, but then Robin was confusing at best and incomprehensible at worst.

"What do you think, Sanji-kun?" she asked, looking at him.

"Whatever you want, Nami-san!" he cooed, but she could hear the edge to his voice.

"Honestly, what do you want to do?"

Sanji didn't answer that one, but his silence told her all she needed to know.

"Robin, tell Luffy that if he wants to go trudging around all week in the snow looking for treasure, he'll have to do it without us."

She could just hear the smile in Robin's voice as she said, "Very well, Navigator-san; see you and Cook-san in a week. Luffy, they said we could go…" Robin's voice was eclipsed with excited shouts from their other nakama, and then there was the click of the den den being hung up.

Sanji nearly bowled her over with happy kisses. "We could have gone," he said between them.

"I want to enjoy the rest of my honeymoon," she said simply. "Whoa!"

He had picked her up and swung her around, laughing. "Now, where were we before that shitty interruption?"

"I was about to kick your butt at pillow fighting," she said with a challenging smirk, and he carried her back into the living room, saying, "We'll see about that!"

* * *

Sanji had been told that there was a small fishing village about a thirty minutes' walk from the cabin, and as the next day was sunny and the snow had stopped, the two bundled up and followed a narrow dirt road through the woods to get there. It was a quaint little town, with only a few shops and a restaurant and surrounded by houses. They were cold and sporting runny noses by the time they arrived, so they went into the restaurant and ordered hot chocolates and cinnamon rolls and ate them at a little booth in the corner to themselves. Sanji praised the cinnamon buns and asked the baker how he made them so fluffy, but as they were walking out Nami told him that his were better, and while he just shrugged modestly he was glowing with pride.

They walked around the shops hand in hand. Nami did most of the shopping, trying on more outfits than Sanji could keep track of. She would cut through his adoring dribble and ask for his honest opinion, and he would give her approval enthusiastically or dissent cautiously. She was soon informing him that Robin was a far better shopping partner, and he just laughed and apologized, but he thought she made anything beautiful.

The only thing she bought was a plain white sundress. He didn't praise it when she walked out of the dressing room in it, going on and on about her perfection, but instead stared, slack jawed, in danger of losing his cigarette. She smiled and twirled in a circle, and he gave her a shaky thumbs up, grinning ear to ear.

That night there was some kind of festival, with fireworks and food stands and dancing. Even though it was cold, they stayed well after dark, dancing close together while brilliant flowers bloomed under a blanket of stars.

* * *

Nami woke up at almost noon the next day to the smell of freshly baked cream cheese danish. She rubbed sleep out of her eyes and looked down at an elegantly decorated tray sitting in her lap.

"You just couldn't help yourself, could you?"

"Nope." He crawled in next to her. "I got tired of waiting for you to wake up, sleepyhead."

She stuck out her tongue and cut off a piece of danish. "Mmm… delicious."

He pulled off some for himself and popped it in his mouth. "Hmm… do you think I could've gotten the crust fluffier somehow?"

"…Are you really asking _me_ a cooking question?"

"Yes."

"It's perfect, Sanji. Everything you cook is absolutely perfect."

He frowned. "Sorry, Nami, but you're about as helpful with cooking as I am with shopping."

"Gee, that bad, huh?"

He laughed. "More or less. Nothing I make is _perfect_."

She took another bite of danish and contemplated. It tasted amazing to her, the crust light and buttery and hinted with cinnamon. "I disagree. You're just a harsh critic."

He pulled off some more. "Well, it's good… but what if I'd-"

She shushed him with a kiss. "It's _perfect_. Now stop stealing my danish; get your own!"

He stared at her a moment, then smiled slowly, reaching a hand for the danish. She swatted it away. "Hey!"

He reached again. "Back, I said!"

And again. "Sanji, it's _my_ danish!"

He managed to rip off some more of the crust and stuff it in his mouth, smirking at her with puffy cheeks.

She raised an eyebrow, then grinned maliciously. "I know how to get it back."

He blinked, brow creasing in confusion, and then she pounced on him and kissed him roughly, trying to force her tongue in his mouth. He realized what she was trying to do and nearly choked in his haste to swallow, so that she had to pull back a little out of concern. He did swallow, though, and she kissed him again, her tongue sliding all around his and savoring the taste of cream cheese.

He wrapped his arms around her and started pulling at her shirt bottom. She was about to help him when she felt the tray on her knees rattle and stilled his hand.

"Can't waste food," she panted, moving the tray to the floor where it wouldn't be in the way.

"How considerate of you," he whispered, sliding her shirt the rest of the way off. "I would hate to ruin my perfect danish."

* * *

"When did you first hear about All Blue?"

The question was completely random and Sanji suspected it was to keep either of them from falling asleep yet.

"Why?"

"Just curious."

He thought back, exhaling smoke and stroking her hair contemplatively. "I was… seven, I think. I had just started my apprenticeship; wasn't good for much more than peeling potatoes and washing dishes."

"And you believed in it immediately?"

"I was a gullible child."

"No one else believed in it, did they?"

"No. They laughed at me."

"Oh well. You'll find it and be laughing at them."

"No doubt."

"We _have_ to find it, if I'm going to finish my world map."

"Exactly." He took another drag. "When did you decide you wanted to make a world map?"

"Hmm… Well, Bellemere-san was telling me about cartographers in the marines when I was five or six, about how they got to travel all around and see all these places. I decided I wanted to be like them, only better. I decided I would make a world map. No one believed it could be done, except her."

He rubbed little patterns on her shoulder with his thumb. "You'll do it. I know you will."

"No doubt," she quoted. "I know it's possible, with Luffy as our captain."

"Yeah. That shitty rubber moron really knows what he's doing, huh?"

"And even when he doesn't, he's lucky enough to find a way."

"Yeah." Sanji lifted an imaginary wine glass. "To Luffy."

She raised her arm as well. "To Luffy."

Silence for a moment.

"…He's probably raiding my fridge right now."

"Or drawing pictures all over my map paper and wasting all my ink."

They both sighed in exasperation, then started laughing. Nami curled closer against his bare chest and let his steady breathing rock her to sleep.

* * *

Too soon, they were waking up on their last full day in the cabin. Nami sighed sadly over her French toast.

"Something wrong, Nami-san?"

"It's almost over, that's what's wrong."

He sighed and leaned against the counter dejectedly. "I know. I hate it, too. But we have all day left."

"Yeah." She smiled. "So we'll make it good."

They went back out and played in the snow. They built a very lopsided snowman and pelted each other with snowballs, until both of their noses were running and their cheeks were rosy. Before they went back in, Sanji found a good tree on the lakeside and carved their names inside a heart on its trunk. Nami laughed and pointed out that the owners of the cabin probably wouldn't like that much, to which he replied that he didn't care. She kissed him one more time in the snow, leaning back against the tree so that her head rested right on the bottom of the heart. Then they went inside, and Sanji made lunch.

They got in the hot tub and stayed in long after their fingers were pruny. Sanji brought wine like he had that first time, but, as before, very little was drunk. When the heat was finally unbearable, they went inside and laid on the couch, holding each other and wishing for time to freeze.

* * *

"Don't fall asleep."

"'M not," he mumbled against her hair.

"The sooner you fall asleep, the sooner we'll have to leave," she reminded him.

"I know. I'll stay," he yawned, "awake."

"Mmm… Sanji?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"This. I loved it."

He grinned and kissed her. "Me too."

She rolled onto her side and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

"Well. Everything packed up?"

Nami did one more quick check of the drawers and nodded. "Yep. We're ready to go."

Sanji sighed and stared around the room. "Back to pirating, then."

She laughed, picking up the smaller bags and carrying them into the living room. He followed with the larger suitcases. "Aren't you happy to go back?"

"Oh yeah. I'm really excited that we're going back to the ship. The very crowded ship. And our very nosy nakama."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, life would be boring if it was always like this."

"I guess you're right."

Silence.

"…One more time before we go?"

Nami narrowed her eyes at him while he just stared back innocently.

"…Yeah, okay." She dropped the bags and walked back into the bedroom. Sanji fistpumped and ran after her.

* * *

Two hours later they were back in the carriage on their way to port. They sat quietly, Nami's head resting on Sanji's shoulder, peering out the window for as long as she could at the cabin and the tree where their names would be carved together forever.

**The End**

* * *

A/N: I dislike the end. Aw well.


	15. Sakura

**Title:** The Shirt

**Theme:** Sakura

**Words:** 2,209

**Rating:** T

**Fluff Rating:** Hmm… well, this is fairly fluffy, but not really in a romantic way, seeing as Sanji's with Zoro for most of the fic…

**Warnings:** Menial Sanji Torture… again. And… gay stereotyping?

**Notes:** I didn't realize that this one and Unlucky would be published so close together. XP This has nothing to do with that, which should be apparent anyway. This is one of my personal favorites for the Zoro/Sanji nakamaship going on. ^^ I hope no one's offended by the whole gay stereotyping thing that's kind of happening here. I know that it's wrong, straight guys wear it, too, and I know a gay guy who wouldn't wear it if you paid him. Still… Sanji is a manly man. A manly man with a nineteen-year-old's ego. Just remember that. XD

**Summary:** "It's a great shirt, Nami-san, but do you really think it's my color?"

**

* * *

**

The Shirt

By Dandy Wonderous

"Hmm…""What's wrong?"

"I don't know what to wear… all my best shirts are dirty."

Nami looked up from the magazine she was reading on the bed. "I haven't seen you wear that one I bought you last week yet," she suggested, a subtle nudging in her voice.

"Huh? I wore it just yesterday, remember?" Sanji reemerged from where he was buried in the giant wardrobe Franky had constructed for the two and stared at her quizzically.

"You wore the _blue_ one yesterday," she corrected. "I meant the _other_ one."

His face fell just a fraction, and he quickly ducked back in among the hangers. "Oh yeah… _that_ one…"

"Yeah, _that _one." Nami looked back down at her magazine and turned the page. "I want to see you in it."

Sanji bit back a sigh and pulled out the new shirt. It was his size, and just his style, but the problem was the color.

It was cherry blossom pink.

"Eh, I dunno, Nami," he began hesitantly. "Do you really think it's… my color?"

"Sure. Blondes look _great_ in pink."

"Blonde _girls_," Sanji ALMOST said, but he held his tongue. The last thing he wanted was for his precious Nami-san to think he was ungrateful. "I trust your fashion sense completely, Nami-swan!" he cooed instead, putting on the shirt.

He was sure he felt a piece of his pride break off and die when he turned to look at himself in the mirror.

"Wow, Sanji-kun!" Nami hopped off the bed and came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "You look really good in this shirt!"

He stared at himself, not agreeing with her. Well, it must be a testament to his astonishing good looks that he could make even the ridiculously light pink shirt look good.

"It's because you have such wonderful taste, Nami-san!"

She smiled and leaned up to kiss the base of his neck. "You're going supply shopping, right?"

"Yeah."

"I managed to rope Usopp and Zoro into helping you carry the supplies," she said airily, walking back to the bed.

Sanji's face paled just a shade. "That's alright, Nami, I can do it myself."

She waved him off. "It's Usopp's turn to help anyway, and the two of you can make sure that Zoro doesn't get lost. We have to be out of here by seven when the marine patrol ship returns, and the last thing we need is to be searching all over creation for that moron."

Sanji couldn't agree with her more, but that didn't change the fact that he would now be spending unfair amounts of time with his least favorite nakama… in a pink shirt.

"Well… I guess they have to, then."

"No need to thank me." Nami picked up the magazine again. "If you guys get back soon enough, we'll go somewhere for dinner, just the two of us. Okay?"

He almost melted into a puddle on the ground. "I would love that, Nami-san!"

She smiled at him and gave him a little wave as he walked out of the room and up onto deck.

Zoro was sleeping, so he sauntered over and gave him a good kick in the side. "Wake up, shithead, we're going shopping."

Zoro cracked an eye open. "Yeah, that's what that witch said, I guess." He looked up at Sanji. "So I have to put up with you-what the HELL are you wearing!?!"

Sanji scowled at the swordsman's shocked face. "Asshole. I'll have you know that this was a gift from my darling Nami."

"Oh man. What did you _do_? It was something pretty bad, right?"

Sanji kicked him again. "I didn't _do_ anything! This is just a nice shirt."

"It's _pink_," he replied flatly, fending off the kick.

"Blondes look good in pink," the cook defended.

"Yeah, blonde _girls_."

Sanji wanted to bang his head against the mast, but instead he kicked at Zoro again. "Just get up and come on. If I _have_ to be stuck with your shitty mossy ass until the supply shopping is done, I want to do it as quickly as possible."

Zoro got to his feet, looking at Sanji's shirt skeptically. "Well, okay, but no one better think we're _together_ or something like that."

Just the thought made the other man look like he was going to vomit all over the deck. "_Please_. As if I'd date someone as ugly as you. Besides, Usopp's coming, too."

Zoro's eyes focused somewhere over Sanji's shoulder. "He is?"

Sanji whirled around just in time to see Usopp trying to slink away. "Hold it right there, longnose!"

The sniper froze and turned around slowly with a dejected sigh. "But I was going to check out some stores in town…" he began, looking pleadingly at Sanji.

Zoro marched right over and clamped a hand on his shoulder. "If I'm going, you are, too. Come on, we can spend all day making fun of the dartboard's girly shirt."

"IT IS _NOT_ GIRLY!!!"

"For the record," said Usopp quickly as Sanji stomped toward them, fire in his eyes, "I said nothing about Sanji's… really… pink… Uh, Sanji? Exactly _why_ are you wearing that?"

He ducked partially behind Zoro as the cook leveled a glare on him that could kill. Then Sanji's shoulders slumped a little and he started for the gangplank. "Nami got it for me," he explained when they caught back up to him. "…What?"

Usopp was staring at him with the same skeptic face Zoro had. "What did you _do_?"

"I didn't do anything! Did it ever occur to you two assholes that maybe she just wanted to do something nice for her boyfriend?"

"Well, Nami isn't exactly-I'm sure that's what it was, I'm sure that's it, please don't hurt me!"

Sanji lowered his foot slowly, but kept a dangerous eye on Usopp. "What's the big deal, anyway? I've worn pink before, in Skypiea, remember?"

"Well, yeah," Usopp conceded, "but that was a Hawaiian shirt, and it had those darker pink circles all over it. This is just…"

"Baby girl pink," Zoro supplied. "Seems fitting enough to me."

Usopp dove out of the way as the two lashed out at each other again. "We're never going to get any shopping done…"

When they finally calmed down and started walking again, Usopp ventured another question. "Why didn't you just tell her you didn't like the shirt?"

"What, and break her heart!?!" He looked horrified by the idea. "Nami-san prides herself on her fashion sense. I could never tell her something she picked out for me was bad."

"In other words, he's whipped."

"I AM NOT WHIPPED!"

Zoro smirked. "Prove it."

Sanji folded his arms. "What do you want me to do?"

The swordsman pointed at a clothing shop across the street. "Go in there, buy a new shirt, and ditch the pink thing."

They spent a few seconds glaring at each other, then Sanji turned on his heel with a terse, "Fine," and walked straight into the store.

Usopp's eyes grew wide. "Is he really gonna do it?"

"Maybe."

"I wouldn't. No one wants Nami mad at them."

"Pansy, afraid of that witch."

"You wouldn't want her mad at you, either!"

Zoro blushed ever so slightly and was about to dispute that when Sanji reemerged from the store.

Still clad in pink.

Zoro scoffed as he crossed the street to join them. "Told you he was whipped."

"No! It's called love, you asshole. You don't hurt the one you love."

"It's called needing to grow a pair."

"IT'S CALLED I'M GONNA SHOVE A FOOT UP YOUR ASS!!!"

"Oi, oi, oi!" Usopp said quickly, stepping between his fuming nakama. "Supply shopping, remember?"

Sanji slowly lowered his foot while Zoro sheathed Wado. "You're right," they chorused begrudgingly. The three started to walk again.

They got to the inner market and Sanji began to go from stall to stall, checking the quality of certain things and ordering crates of this and barrels of that. Zoro and Usopp trailed along behind, filling the position of pack mules.

The port town was full of pirates and sailors, and it wasn't long before they began to notice Sanji and his new shirt. Soon, the three Strawhats began to pick up on the odd looks and snickers of the other tough men in the market. Sanji's ears slowly began to turn a matching shade of pink, and he looked a bit like he wanted to hide.

"Just ignore them," said Usopp after awhile, starting to feel sympathy for his friend.

"Ignore what?" he replied flatly, focusing intently on the condition of a bunch of bananas.

Zoro, for his part, was getting sick of it. Sure, he could rag on Sanji's shirt all he wanted, but he'd be damned if he was going to let random strangers mock his nakama (not that he'd let Sanji know, of course).

So, whenever anyone dared laugh at him, Zoro would shoot them his most demonic glare.

Sanji noticed after awhile. "I don't need your help," he growled.

"Like I'd waste my time helping you," he snapped back.

Even so, the looks never fully stopped, and by the time the shopping was finished Sanji looked like he just wanted to go home. He started straight back for the docks, but Zoro grabbed his shoulder and steered him toward a bar instead.

"Booze," he answered Sanji's flailing protests. "I want some, and I think you do, too. Coming, Usopp?"

Usopp hesitated, then hurried to catch up, albeit going slower with his cart of crates than Zoro and Sanji were.

They left their crates outside and went in and sat at the bar. The bartender, as well as many of the customers, raised his eyebrow at the blonde's shirt. Sanji cleared his throat and muttered something about getting the supplies back to the ship.

Zoro ignored him and ordered the establishment's hardest stuff. The bartender gave it to him, then looked over at Sanji.

"Gay bar's down the street, buddy," he said with a laugh.

The cook flew into a fit of embarrassed rage. He stood and kicked the barstool, sending it whistling over the heads of several snickering patrons to splinter against the wall.

"My girlfriend gave me this shirt, damn it!" he snarled, eye daring anyone to mention it again.

"I wouldn't kid him about it," said Zoro levelly, drinking his beer, unconcerned, and ignoring Usopp's whispered pleas for them to leave.

"Protective of your bitch, aren't you?" asked a pirate sitting at one of the tables.

He went flying out the window and slammed into the building across the street. Sanji glared around at the other customers. "Anymore bastards got something to say about my shirt?"

Usopp watched in horror as an out-and-out bar brawl started, with everyone there launching themselves at Sanji. "Didn't I just tell them? Idiots," remarked Zoro coolly.

"O-oi, Zoro! Aren't you going to do something?"

"Damn it, Usopp, shut up and let me finish my beer!"

Several thuds and anguished screams later, no one in the bar was making fun of Sanji's shirt; the ones were still conscious weren't that stupid. The chef straightened his shirt with a triumphant smirk and sauntered back over to the bar. "Done with your beer yet, marimo?"

"Stupid dartboard. Yeah, I'm done; let's go."

The three walked out of the bar (stepping idly on groaning bodies as they went). They had hardly gathered their supplies when they heard a sudden call from down the street.

"Oh, look, Robin, there they are!"

"I had a feeling we would find them if we followed the screams."

"Nami-swaaan!" Sanji cooed, whirling to face her. "How has your day been?"

"Great!" She skipped up to him and he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. She was wearing an obscenely low-cut shirt and a miniskirt, and Sanji saw over her shoulder the jealous, gaping looks of the sailors in the street, many of whom had laughed at him back in the market. "I got this dress," she held it up for him to see, "and some things for us."

She handed him a tiny pink bag, and from the perverted grin that crossed his face it was easy to guess what was inside.

"Is the shopping done?" she asked, looking at the crates now.

"Yeah." Sanji handed her the change back. "All that's left is taking it back to the ship."

"I'm sure Zoro and Usopp can handle that alone," she said lightly, ignoring their outraged protests. "Robin, do you mind going back with them?"

"Of course not, Navigator-san."

"Good." She smiled and took Sanji's hand, waving at the still protesting guys and the giggling woman. "See you back at the ship."

As she and Sanji walked hand in hand up the street, she admired his shirt. "You do look good in that shirt, Sanji-kun. Zoro didn't give you crap about it, did he?"

"Of course he did, the shithead."

"He's just jealous. There aren't many guys man enough to wear pink."

Sanji grinned. "And I am?"

"Oh, definitely." She drifted a little closer to him and ran a teasing finger down his chest.

Sanji glanced down at the little bag he still held in hand and decided that being whipped was definitely worth it.

**The End**

* * *

A/N: We actually had a "guys wear pink" day at our school once. My friend's boyfriend didn't, and all day long we said it was because he was insecure in his manliness. XP


	16. Secret

**Title:** Thursday Afternoons

**Theme:** Secret

**Words:** 2,275

**Rating:** T

**Fluff Rating:** Pretty high. If you're a hopeless Sanji fangirl, though, you'll probably enjoy it regardless.

**Warnings:** My blatant love of Sanji…

**Notes:** This is AU, set in modern America. It's actually part of a larger AU idea I had at one point, but I gave up working on it (didn't even get the full first chapter done, haha) because I wasn't that into the idea. I still loved this little plot bunny here, though, so I took this as the perfect excuse to do it. And turn it into SaNa (originally, Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were following Sanji). Oh, and look! Ocs! I suppose I lay claim to them, though they have the crappiest names in all of crappy name history.

**Summary:** No one knew what Sanji did on his nights off, but Nami was bound and determined to find out.

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Thursday Afternoons

By Dandy Wonderous

It was no secret to the residents of the Thousand Sunny boarding house that Sanji Prince had Thursdays off from work. What _was_ a secret was where he went when he left the house at two and stayed until nearly seven.

The others had speculated, coming up with such educated theories as being a secret agent (Usopp), a superhero (Chopper), or a lion tamer/astronaut/pirate (Luffy). Robin suggested that he might be a serial killer or a gang member, or perhaps that he was in a bizarre cult that had ritual sacrifices on Thursdays. Brook thought that he was wandering the city in search of himself, or maybe that he just liked to get a hotdog and feed pigeons, but knowing Sanji this was unlikely. Franky wondered if he had a girlfriend he hadn't told them about. Zoro didn't give a damn, "so long as the shit-cook's not in the house, I'm fine."

Nami, as the only sensible one in the house, said that he probably just had a second job he hadn't told them about. It made the most sense; since Sanji's foster father, Zeff Redleg, had more or less kicked him out of his house, he'd been working just over minimum wage at a small restaurant on the south side of town, and between rent and saving to go to the All Blue Culinary Festival in France, he didn't have much money to spare.

One day, Nami announced to her friends that, being the serious reporter of the group ("But you're just the weatherwoman," Zoro pointed out, to which she violently reminded him that she was a _meteorologist_), she was going to investigate and find out once and for all what exactly Sanji was up to.

"Why don't you just ask him?" suggested Usopp.

"Well, if he hasn't willingly told us yet, he probably wouldn't if we just asked," she explained. "And then he'd be on his toes. So don't let him know we're trying to find out, okay?"

"My, quite curious about Mr. Cook, aren't you, Miss Meteorologist?" said Robin with a smile. "I wonder why."

Nami blushed and turned quickly away. "It's just annoying. None of the rest of us have secrets."

"Huh? But what about Usopp's crush on that one heiress, Kaya Syrup? Or how at the mall Zoro got in a fight with the kids in the little play thing and they all dogpiled on him and he couldn't get out?" Luffy blinked, then laughed. "Oh yeah! I wasn't supposed to tell anyone about any of that!"

"LUFFY, YOU IDIOT!"

Nami filed that information away for later (hopefully the mall had security cameras in the play area) and waved her hand. "Well, this is a bigger secret. I mean, Sanji could be a rapist or a thief or a… a… a telemarketer for all we know!"

"How does telemarketer fit in that list?" asked Zoro, looking up from punching Luffy.

"You've obviously never had one call _three times_ while taking a bubble bath." She scowled. "Regardless, we need to know."

"So what are you going to do, put on sunglasses and a trench coat and follow him?"

"Ah… well…"

* * *

Nami pressed herself against the brick wall in the alley beside the boarding house and pulled her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose to better see over them, her trench coat rustling in the faint fall wind. It was almost two, and Sanji would be walking out the door and down the stoop anytime now.

As if he were trying to obey even her mental commands, he choose that moment to walk outside, calling, "I'll be back later, and Luffy, don't you _dare_ touch the fridge!" He literally hopped over the stairs (_Such long legs…_) and onto the sidewalk, then walked down the street to the bus stop, hands in his pockets, whistling a jaunty tune to himself.

She waited until the bus arrived and he got on it, then she hailed a cab and jumped in.

"Follow that bus!" she commanded, pointing.

"You got it, lady," the cab driver said with a shrug, and they were off.

The bus started downtown, Nami's cab trailing along behind it. She began to get antsy the longer the ride dragged on. The buildings around them were getting more and more dilapidated, the people shiftier, and still he wasn't getting off the bus.

"You're sure you're following the same bus?" she asked after awhile.

"Yep."

"Okay…"

Finally, the bus stopped and Sanji stepped off. He was talking familiarly with several of the passengers, and as he walked down the sidewalk he was greeted by many others. She stopped her cabby and paid him, then got out on the other side of the street and watched him. He moved pleasantly through the grubby crowd, blatantly out of place in his black slacks and clean, blue shirt, and entered a rundown, brownstone building. It had a sign on it, but it was so old and rusted that she couldn't read what it said. Outside its door, what looked like a small line was forming.

Nami's imagination immediately flew into overdrive. What was Sanji doing in a neighborhood like this? It certainly didn't seem like his type of place; she had imagined he was more of an upscale sort of person.

Then something in her brain clicked. What if Sanji was a drug dealer?

Her first thought was about how much he was making off it, as he obviously had a large clientele, and how much she could get in on without risking serious legal trouble.

She shook off that train of thought and focused on the reality; Sanji, _her_ Sanji-no, NO, her _friend_, her _friend_ Sanji-was a drug dealer. A felon. A criminal. A _bad man_.

No. She had to go in; she had to see for herself.

Resolutely, Nami crossed the street and was about to walk right up to the door when a man suddenly grabbed her shoulder. She yelped and froze, panicked.

"Steady, missy," said the man, a grimy specimen in sore need of a Tic-Tac. "It don't open for awhile yet. I know you're anxious, but just wait a bit and there'll be plenty for everyone."

"Um… okay, thanks." She nodded at the man and scurried quickly away. That was unexpected; she had no idea drug dealers had business hours.

"Looks like we got a new one here, Ginger," said a new voice behind her, tough yet feminine, low and smoky. She whirled around and was face to face with a tall woman not much older than her, with bright red hair done up in spikes and huge amounts of make-up. Her clothes just screamed red light district.

"Yeah, I see her, Cinnamon," said the woman next to her. She had short brown hair angled at her ears, and was similarly dressed and done up like her friend. Her voice was also husky, dripping with nicotine and sex. "What's your name, honey?"

Nami suppressed a shudder. "Na…Natalie."

The women caught her hesitation and glanced knowingly at each other. "Natalie. Pretty name," said Ginger.

"Thanks."

"So, first-timer, or just from out of town?" asked Cinnamon.

"Um…" She wasn't sure how to answer. Was it better to be an experienced stoner? Would they take advantage of her if she revealed her cluelessness?

"Don't be embarrassed, honey," said Ginger. "Everyone's a newbie at some point. I remember when we first came here, eh, Cinnamon?"

Cinnamon nodded. "I didn't know what to expect. But the guys here really make you feel at home, don't they?"

"They do. Good guys, all of them." Ginger nodded sagely.

Now Nami was really confused. This didn't sound like drug dealing.

"Especially that Sanji," Ginger continued wistfully. "He's my favorite."

"Oh, please. He's _everyone's_ favorite."

"Only because he's the best."

"Yeah, you're right there." They laughed.

Nami had to physically hold her jaw from dropping. Was Sanji some kind of male prostitute?

She would have preferred if he were a drug dealer.

"Oh, hey, the door opened," said Cinnamon, pointing.

"Great. Let's go."

Nami started to move nervously away. "Um, I think maybe I've changed my mind…"

Ginger grabbed her wrist and started to tug her along. Nami pulled back, and Cinnamon got behind her and pushed.

"Don't be shy, girl, we're all here for the same thing," the woman chided in her ear, and Nami surrendered and let herself be swept along in the rush of people heading through the door.

She was fearful of what she would find. She could already see it in her mind, Sanji amidst many other writhing, naked bodies in a pit of moral degradation and sinful lust…

So she was completely blown away when she entered what appeared to be a cafeteria. An ordinary cafeteria complete with servers in hair nets and people sitting normally at tables, eating and chatting…

It was a soup kitchen.

And right there, clad in apron and hair net, was Sanji, serving food that she could tell was distinctly his.

She had never felt so stupid in all her life. Of course Sanji wasn't selling drugs or himself or anything else horrible like that. He was doing what chefs do; feeding the hungry.

"Good afternoon, Miss Ginger, Miss Cinnamon!" he cooed when they neared the serving counter. "How are you two lovely ladies today?"

"We're doin' good," said Ginger, grinning ear to ear. "Remember that apartment we were telling you about last week?"

"Of course!"

"We got it," Cinnamon announced proudly.

"Really!?! That's wonderful news!" He smiled, genuinely happy at their success. "Have you moved in yet?"

"Yesterday," said Ginger with a nod. "Not much yet, just an air mattress we share and a radio and our clothes in the closet, but it's got AC and runnin' water, and that's what counts."

"And Ginge just got a raise," added Cinnamon, nudging her roommate playfully, "so we won't be losin' it anytime soon. Uh… Sanji?"

Sanji was fishing in his pocket. After a second, his hand reemerged with his wallet and he was pulling out several bills. The women's eyes widened. Nami's did as well.

"What-"

"It's got electricity, right? Get yourself a minifridge or a microwave on me," he said simply, holding the money out to them.

The women stared at it in shock. "Oh, we can't-"

He shoved it into their hands. "Don't even start with me, or you'll be eating leftovers," he teased, grinning.

Ginger visibly teared up and turned away while Cinnamon took the money, blinking furiously. "Thank you so much, Sanji."

"Anything to help two beautiful women!" he cooed, and they laughed.

And then, finally, his gaze drifted to her. She shrank back and almost turned to flee, but it was too late; his eye had already narrowed slightly in recognition and suspicion, and Nami was stuck.

"Who's your darling friend?" he asked cheerfully.

"Oh, right, sorry." Cinnamon motioned at her. "This is Natalie. She's a li'l shy."

"Nice to meet you," she squeaked out, and she knew that she was officially caught when his eye widened.

"Nice to meet you, too," he answered almost mechanically. "Ah, Miss Ginger? Miss Cinnamon? You wouldn't mind if I borrowed her for a moment, would you?"

"Sure, take 'er." Ginger pushed her forward playfully.

"Don't worry," said Cinnamon in a stage whisper. "He's a perv, sure, but he won't do anythin', or we'd come after 'im, and he knows it."

"Of course," he said innocently. "I just want to speak to her in the kitchen for a minute."

The two women thanked him profusely again and took their trays, waving a little good-bye to Nami as they went. Sanji nodded and said a few more words to some others in line, then led Nami around the counter and into the back.

"Miss Nami," he said once they were alone, "why are you here?"

Nami took off the sunglasses and gave him her most innocent face. "I just wanted to know what you did on your Thursdays."

He gaped at her.

"…What?"

"Why didn't you just ask?"

She cleared her throat, cheeks tinting in embarrassment. "I thought it was a big secret and you wouldn't tell me."

He stared a her a second longer, then laughed. "What did you think, that I was leading some kind of double life or something?"

"I just thought you didn't want anyone to know." Nami decided not to mention the drug dealing and the prostitution and the pirating. "But Sanji, why didn't you tell any of us that _this_ was where you were going?"

He shrugged. "It didn't really seem that important to mention."

Now it was her turn to gape. "But Sanji… what you're doing down here… You're helping all these people, and you're giving away your money, your money for your _dream_!"

Another shrug. "It's not a big deal."

"Not a big…" she murmured, confounded.

And then, completely on impulse, she threw her arms around his waist and squeezed up against him.

"What you just did was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen anyone do," she whispered softly.

She felt his heartbeat speed up a notch. "It… it was?"

"Yeah."

And, again on impulse, she hooked her fingers through his shirt collar, pulled his head down, and kissed him.

"N-nami?" he gasped when she broke away, looking a little weak at the knees.

She didn't answer immediately. Instead, she turned and grabbed a spare apron from a hook on the wall.

"Okay, what can I do to help?"

He blinked in total confusion, still in a blissful haze from the kiss. Then he snapped out of it, a smile growing across his face.

"Well, let's see…"

**The End**

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A/N: Of course, if Nami had followed him on Saturday instead, she would have learned that he's actually a ninja. ^^

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Chris F.: Holy crap, you reviewed everything at once!!!! Wowsies. O.O

1) Right? He totally forgets about everything in the presence of the women, so there he went, all space cadet again. XD Hey, thanks! I actually think Sanji will be first or second because of Ivankov. Robin may be first, since she's with the revolutionaries.

2) Thanks! I thought it would be cool. ^^ Um… YEAH! EXACTLY! That's TOTALLY what I was going for there. *Usopp grin*

3) Glad you liked it! Nami understands that Sanji is a perv, she's just trying to reign him in a bit, by appealing to his perviness in more than just pictures. XP

4) Hmm, I dunno. Maybe she was dreaming. Maybe she was hallucinating. Or maybe… maybe it WAS his ghost. *is hit for making it even more depressing*

5) Ack, I'm sorry! Don't cry! *hands tissue* You know, it's funny, but that's almost exactly what Abra (my beta) said. She was going to write her own version… maybe you should poke her. *wiggles eyebrows* Thank you! I'm glad you liked it regardless. And good luck! (ooo, there's a Gene Kelly version? *goes to search*)

6) Yeah. That's a problem; girls can yell as much as they want, but when you have a guy get mad, it gets scary. I try to avoid it, but for this it had to be done. Haha, thanks for ruining the picture for me forever; I'm always going to see some big, fat, happy man saying that before eating an orange on a porch in the sunset now. XP

7) No, I haven't. But that reminds me of… something. I can't pinpoint what exactly I was thinking about at the moment.

9) Hahaha!

10) Yeah, what's HER problem? Jeez. XP

11) *happy wiggling* Thaaaank yooouuu!!!

13) Well, good. I'm glad you feel that way! Yeah, I see what you're saying; if only one of these had happened on this day, it wouldn't have been bad at all. Yeah, me too; some people are ridiculously harsh. O.O Oh yeah, she obviously has no idea who she's dealing with here. XP

14) THANK YOU!!!! *happy wiggling again*

15) Yeah, I don't doubt he has; from what I remember of a young kids' book I read in elementary school, about a girl disguising herself to go to school before girls were allowed to, pink was actually a boy's color in Japan. It doesn't have the same connotations over there as it does in America, so this is more of a "Westerners only" kind of fic. ^^' Someone told me he was wearing pink during the Davy Back Fight, but it looks white to me. Then again, I think Robin's eyes are purple, so maybe I'm just colorblind. Wait; Nami's hair IS orange, right? O.O'

Thanks for the review!!!!


	17. Reverse

**Title:** Out of Character

**Theme:** Reverse

**Words:** 593

**Rating:** K+

**Fluff Rating:** No fluff this time. It's crack-tastic!!!

**Warnings:** Intentional OOCness, Juvenile Name Calling

**Notes:** Yes, I realize this is stupid. Zoro's last lines are my favorite part. XD Thinking up insults for Robin and Nami was really hard.

**Summary:** The Strawhats are feeling a little out of character today…

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Out of Character

By Dandy Wonderous

"Sanji-saaan!"

Sanji flinched as the door to his galley flew open with the force of a hurricane. He could never get a moment's peace, could he?

"Sanji-san!" Nami twirled over like a ballerina, stopping with a fancy little curtsy next to him. "I made something for yooouuu!"

The cook took a deep breath and affected his brightest smile, perfected from many months of practice. "Did you, Nami-chan? What is it?"

She held out a piece of paper with a flourish, her eyes turning into hearts. "This!"

He took it gingerly and examined it. "A map?"

"A map to my HEART!" she cooed, noodling about on the spot. "Do you _love_ it?"

"Um… yeah, I love it, Nami-chan," he said patronizingly. "By the way, do you think I could have some extra spending money at port?" She stopped noodling and hesitated, so he leaned forward and cupped her cheek with his hand. "I really need it, Nami-chan. Please?"

She almost swooned on the spot, crying, "You can have whatever you want, Sanji-san!"

"You're such a slut, carrot-top," came a demure voice from the galley table.

"What was that, bitch!?!" Nami whirled on her toes, Clima-Tact put together in seconds.

Robin took a sip of her coffee and cocked an eyebrow. "You heard me, mapmaking skank."

"Oh, it's on now, bookworm!" Nami advanced on Robin, twirling her weapon, while the historian got up from the table and crossed her arms in front of herself.

"Oh no you don't!" Sanji shot between the two women, holding his arms out to hold them back. "You are NOT ruining my galley in another of your stupid fights. Go out on deck first!"

Nami immediately looked apologetic, crying, "I'm so sorry, Sanji-san, we won't do anything!" Robin just shrugged and sat back down, returning to her coffee and her book.

"What's going on in here? I can't nap through all this yelling."

"ZORO-KUN!" Nami nearly fell over herself dashing to the swordsman's side. "I'm so sorry we disturbed you! It's all the witch's fault."

"Uh… don't worry about it, Nami." Zoro blinked at her while she noodled around him, then turned to Sanji. "They fighting again?"

"Yep." He grabbed a beer and tossed it to the swordsman, who caught it and walked over to the counter. "Honestly, Zoro, I'm tired of them disturbing the peace. Can't they be quiet for five minutes?"

Zoro looked over his shoulder at the two women, who were glaring at each other again. "I think it's funny."

"Don't encourage them!"

"_Me_ encourage them? _You're_ the one who leads Nami on all the time."

He grinned craftily. "That's because I get more money out of the deal that way."

Zoro shook his head. "You're shameless." He took another swig of beer.

"Morbid bitch!"

"Noisy cow."

"Oh, you didn't-"

"SHUT UP!" Sanji yelled angrily, kicking hard on the floorboards.

Nami sulked and Robin rolled her eyes. The two left the galley, and the two men could hear the fight resuming on deck.

"By the way," said Zoro contemplatively, as though nothing had just happened, "you seem different today. Did you change your hair or somethin'?"

"Huh? No… Wait, I'm wearing a new shirt. Is that it?"

"Must be." Zoro took another drink, then shook his head and set the bottle back down on the counter. "No, that's not it. I feel… like there's been some kind of disturbance with the universe."

Sanji stared at him a moment, then shook his head. "You shouldn't meditate so much. Everything's the same as always."

"Huh. If you say so…"

**The End**

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A/N: Ah, Zoro. How right you are. XD

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Pikinanou: Thanks! Yeah, no on pulls off pink like Sanji! ^^


	18. Color

**Title:** Complementary Colors

**Theme:** Color

**Words:** 1,071

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** High.

**Warnings:** Frobin, slight ZoNa bashing (enough for Abra to call me a meanie)

**Notes:** This is based off of one of Oda's SBS answers. See ending note.

**Summary:** "Did you know, Navigator-san, that blue and orange make each other brighter?"

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Complementary Colors

By Dandy Wonderous

"Did you know, Navigator-san, that orange and blue are complementary colors?"

It was perhaps the most random thing Robin had ever said to her. Nami looked up from the clothing rack she was going through to the archeologist, who was holding a blue and orange striped blouse.

"Oh," she replied in understanding. A beat, then, "That's weird. They don't look like they'd go together."

"But they do," Robin said, putting the shirt back in its place. "Put blue and orange together, and they get brighter." As though in proof, she picked up a blue and orange shirt and held them side by side.

Nami tilted her head in confusion. "I… guess they do."

Robin laughed and put the shirts back down. "I just thought you might find it interesting, Navigator-san." She gave the redhead one of those knowing smiles and wandered off to a different part of the store.

_That was… weird._

* * *

At first, Nami forgot the conversation. But eventually she thought of it again, and slowly she started to wonder about it. Something told her Robin hadn't been talking about the color wheel.

One day, as she climbed out of the shower and started to dry her hair, she stopped and stared at the orange strands.

Wait… had Robin been referring to _her_ as the orange?

If so, then what-or _who_-was the blue?

Nami finished drying her hair, dressed, and then went up on deck, the conversation running around and around in her head. Who could be the blue, if she was the orange?

The first person she spied was Luffy, running excitedly across the deck and yelling some nonsense about mystery seagulls. She watched the blur of his vest and shook her head. _Red._

The soft pattering of hooves on grass followed as Chopper chased after the rubberman. Nami couldn't imagine Chopper being what Robin was trying to lead her to-whatever that was-and he wasn't blue, anyway. _Pink._

Rounding off the trio of children was Usopp, calling after them with some account of how he had once fought off a thousand man-eating seagulls with a broken slipper. She thought of how scared he was all the time, and her brain easily identified him. _Yellow_.

The happy song of a violin caught her ear, and she turned to see Brook, playing "Binks' Sake" by the stairs. It was fairly easy to classify the so-called gentlemanly skeleton. _Black and white._

She walked across the lawn and saw Robin sitting in a deck chair, reading a book under the shade of an umbrella. For a moment a wave of confusion and awkwardness swept over her until she realized that Robin was not blue, either. _Purple._

Franky walked past her on the way to Robin's chair, where several pieces of she didn't know what were spread out, waiting for his attention. Now she was really confused. It was fairly obvious that Franky was blue; just look at his hair! But she was sure she had seen the archeologist stealing looks at the shipwright, so surely Robin wasn't trying to lead her to Franky. And now that she looked again, he wasn't the blue on the shirt at all. More like… _Cyan._

With an annoyed sigh, she continued toward the forward deck, yelping when she tripped over a pair of booted feet. Zoro was sleeping right in her way again. She glared down at the snoozing swordsman. _Green._ And thank goodness.

She climbed the stairs and went to lean on the railing by the figurehead. Perhaps she had been reading too much into Robin's enigmatic comments. She may have just been commenting on the shirt. Yeah, that was it; she was just being silly. Robin hadn't meant anything…

"A drink of love for you, Nami-san!"

Nami forced a cheery smile onto her face and turned to look at Sanji, whose eye was a ridiculous heart as usual. "Thank you, Sanji-kun," she appeased, taking the drink.

He looked at her appraisingly for a moment, then turned and leaned against the railing, puffing on a cigarette. "Something on your mind, Nami-san?"

She sighed. Sometimes, it really creeped her out how he could become so serious so fast. "Nothing really. I was just… thinking."

She had meant it as a dismissal, but to her dismay he turned back around and stared out at the ocean with her. "May I ask about what?"

She felt a little silly with her answer. "The color blue."

He didn't laugh or look at her like she was stupid. Instead he smiled. "Well, the sea is certainly a good place for thinking about blue. Blue sea, blue sky…"

"All Blue," she said playfully, and his grin broadened.

"Yeah, that too."

They were silent for a few moments, and then, out of nowhere, Nami decided to ask, "You really love the sea, ne, Sanji-kun?"

He nodded. "Yeah. It's been my home for about twelve years."

"Wow. That's a long time."

"Well," he turned his gaze from the ocean to her face, "I've always felt more at home on the ocean than on la-Nami-san? Are you okay?"

Nami was gaping at him, staring straight into his eye.

_Blue._

"Nami-san? Nami-san!" His worried voice snapped her out of it.

"I-I'm sorry, Sanji-kun, I think I… have… something to do." And then, without further explanation, she turned and ran for her cabin, leaving him frozen in confusion, cigarette smoldering forgotten on his lips.

* * *

"What's wrong with Nami-sis? Did Curly-cook offend her?"

Robin laughed, turning a page in her book. "I think Navigator-san just realized something, that's all."

"Huh." Franky shook his head at the strange ways of women and turned back to his new contraption. "They looked kind of cute together up there. Kind of brightened up the deck, didn't they?"

She laughed again, and he decided he really liked that sound. "Yes, blue and orange have that effect on each other."

"Huh?"

"Of course," she continued contemplatively, "purple and light blue can also look very good together. Am I right, Shipwright-san?"

He looked at her over the rim of his sunglasses and met her smile. "I think they would go super together."

The door of the cabin burst open and Nami stalked back out. She marched up to where Sanji was still standing, grabbed his chin, and forced him into a kiss.

Robin laughed as his exultant cry of "Mellorine!" echoed across the ship. "Yes, see? Orange and blue make each other brighter."

**The End**

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A/N: According to Oda, Nami is represented by orange (duuuuh), Sanji by blue, and all the other characters by the colors I assigned them. In art, orange and blue really are complements (being on opposite sides of the color wheel), which made me really happy. ^^

Of course, going by that logic, you'd also get ZoLu (green and red; cue squealing fangirls) and UsoRob (yellow and purple; cue WTFery).

If you went with SCIENTIFIC complements (yes, they're different!), then you'd get SanUso (blue and yellow; cue squealing fangirls again), LuffyxFranky (red and cyan; I know, O_o), and Zoroxsomeone whose color is magenta. XD

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Pikinanou: Thanks! Ooo, tell me if you do! XD

Blue Haven: Crap, does anyone know CPR? Oh wait, I do! *Chopper-esque fail* Thanks! Ah, Zoro's amazing powers of observation never cease to amaze and astound, do they? XP Glad you liked it!!!

Chris F.: Oh dear. You got brain all over my review page. XP Glad you liked it! And no, Nami should never, EVER noodle. EVER. It's weird. XP Well, they are somewhat similar. ^^ Oooo, I shall check it out over spring break. XD Thanks! Well, apparently the pink for girls thing is relatively recent to the US, too; we started after WWII (*pokes allbluechaser's review*). I'm the ONLY one who thinks that! Am I crazy? Are her eyes really blue? They've ALWAYS looked purple to me! Oops, you hate blue-eyed Sanji… Ah ha ha ha… yeaaaah. *cough cough* I like blue-eyed Sanji just because it's his representative color. *pokes fic* Though in the anime, all the guys have black eyes. The girls don't. *still staring at Robin's eyes* They look purple to me…THAT YOU'RE A TOTALLY AWESOME SANJI-NUT LIKE ME!!! *high fives*


	19. Spine

**Pikinanou drew fanart for Reverse! Check out the epicness that is Noodly Nami at pikinanou(dot)deviantart(dot)com(slash)art(slash)ONE-PIECE-the-map-of-my-heart-157754557.  
**

**Title:** Stupid Guardian Angel

**Theme:** Spine

**Words:** 1,136

**Rating:** T

**Fluff Rating:** Pure nakamaship; check it. (Pre-het for my fellow SaNa lovers. ^^)

**Warnings:** Mild Language

**Notes:** Drum Island themed prompts and a SaNa claim. Gotta love it. This takes place between Drum Island and the arrival in Arabasta, btw.

**Summary:** The stupid idiot would give his life without thinking twice, and it infuriated Nami to no end.

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Stupid Guardian Angel

By Dandy Wonderous

"Nami-swaaan! A drink of love for youuu!"

Nami took the offered glass without looking up, taking a quick sip through the straw before setting it down and returning to the book she was reading. "Thank you, Sanji-kun," she said in dismissal.

Sanji twirled around in a wiggly circle, praising her beauty and other such nonsense, then was about to leave, when…

"Ero-cook."

"What was that, bastard!?!"

Nami sighed. One day. She'd like _one day _without this stupid bickering between the crew's two resident hotheads. Even an afternoon! She watched in obvious annoyance while Zoro walked leisurely up to the fuming blond, smirking.

"You heard me, ero-cook."

"You lookin' for a fight, shitty marimo?"

"So what if I am, dartboard?"

"That's it, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Hah! You wish, blondie."

Nami couldn't ignore the tick in her eyebrow any longer. Not bothering to get out of her chair, she punched the most easily accessible parts of her nakama. One fist slammed into Zoro's side; the other, into the base of Sanji's spine.

Zoro merely grunted in annoyance, glaring sharply at her for interrupting their fight. Sanji, on the other hand, gasped in surprise… and sank to the deck like a stone.

"Sanji-san!" cried Vivi in alarm, hopping up from her deck chair.

"Dartboard?" echoed Zoro, masking concern with indifference.

Sanji scrambled around on the deck, attempting to right himself. In the process he twisted his back and fell once more. He pushed himself up again, freezing once his back arched, and then collapsed for a final time, laying still, teeth gritted in pain.

Nami gaped in shock. "What… just happened?"

"D-don't worry, N-nami-san," Sanji muttered, one hand stiffly reaching around to claw at his back where she had hit it. "I'm… perfectly… f-fine."

"Tony-kun!" cried Vivi, looking frantically for the doctor. "Where are you? Help!"

The doctor came running, looking frantic. When he saw the cook laying on the deck, he flew into hysterics. "Oh no! Sanji needs a doctor!"

"That's why we called you," Zoro pointed out.

"Oh, right." Chopper bent to examine Sanji.

"What happened?"

"The witch here-"

"I twisted to kick the marimo," Sanji interrupted, giving in to Chopper's order not to move. "And I threw my back out again."

"I told you not to do that for a few more days!" Chopper chided, looking angry now as he pulled up Sanji's jacket and shirt and felt around the base of his spine. "Well, you didn't throw it out bad enough to need surgery again, but you need to stay off your feet for the rest of the day."

"But-"

"No buts!" Chopper transformed to Heavy Point and started pulling the protesting cook back to the men's cabin. "You need to rest!"

When they were gone, Nami turned to look at Zoro questioningly. "What just happened?"

Zoro scowled. "The cook, in his limitless stupidity, just saved you from getting in trouble."

"No, I mean, how did he go down that easily?"

Zoro raised an eyebrow at her. "What, don't you know? The moron got hurt on Drum Island. Fractured his spine. He had to get it operated on."

"Oh." Nami nodded. "Now that you mention it, I _do_ remember him getting his back worked on…"

"That was the second time," Vivi explained.

"_Second_ time?" Now Nami was really surprised, turning to Vivi in alarm. "You mean he hurt his back _twice_?"

"You should know," said Zoro condescendingly. "After all, it was for _you_ that he got hurt in the first place."

"Huh?"

"The way Luffy told it later, he jumped between the two of you and a rock during an avalanche. That's how he threw it out the first time."

Nami fell silent, guilt heavy in her stomach. She knew he had been hurt, but she had never bothered to find out why.

"That sounds like a very courageous thing for Sanji-san to do," said Vivi admiringly.

"Tch. It it'd been _me_, I wouldn't have wrecked my spine. And even if I had, I wouldn't go back down because of a weak punch like that."

Nami stood up suddenly and started walking toward the cabin, ignoring Vivi when she asked what she was doing. She didn't know exactly what she would say, but guilt was quickly getting the best of her. Chopper was closing the door when she got there, and she stopped him and asked if it was okay if she went in and spoke to him. The doctor consented.

When she opened the door, he was already laying in his bunk, twirling an unlit cigarette between his fingers. He looked up when she entered, smiling broadly. "He won't let me smoke," he explained when she glanced at the cigarette. "Took my lighter, the shithead. But with you here to visit me, Nami-san, I couldn't be happier!"

Nami didn't speak, just walked over and sat down on the bunk next to him.

"Why didn't you tell Chopper I hit you?" she asked after a few moments of silence. It wasn't the question she had meant to ask.

"Because I didn't want you in trouble," he answered simply.

"Hmph." She stared hard at him for a few seconds, then scowled. "Well, you should've. I'm a big girl, you know. I can take care of myself. I don't always need you protecting me."

She wasn't really talking about that afternoon anymore.

He held her gaze. "…I know."

"Then stop being such a chivalrous idiot."

"But Nami-san, I _like_ protecting you."

She sighed, making an exasperated face. "You're hopeless."

"Hopelessly in love!" he cooed.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm serious, Sanji-kun. I appreciate you helping me out, but you don't have to."

"I'm sorry, Nami-san," he retorted obstinately, "but nothing you can say will stop me from saving you when you need it."

She leaned down hesitantly and wrapped her arms awkwardly around him. "Fine. But be more careful about it from now on!"

She felt him wiggle a little underneath her. "Does this mean that you love me, Nami-san?"

"Hardly." She sat back up and shook her head. He didn't seem at all discouraged, still in the fuzzy afterglow of the hug. She got up from the bunk and started to walk out of the room. "Get better soon, Sanji-kun. I don't know what we'll do if we have to start eating Usopp's cooking."

"Right away, Nami-swaaan!"

She paused in the door, reached into her pocket, and produced, to his surprise, his lighter.

"By the way, I swiped this off Chopper outside. Thought you might like it back." She kissed the lighter, leaving a red lipstick stain, then tossed it easily onto the bed next to Sanji's hand. With one last smile, she left the room.

It was a few moments before Sanji's happy cry echoed throughout the ship.

"Nami-san indirectly kissed me! MELLORINE!"

**The End**

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A/N: Nami dear, this is only the beginning. ^^

Sorry I can't reply to anonymous reviews today. I will tomorrow.


	20. Sickness

**Title:** Good Medicine

**Theme:** Sickness

**Words:** 1,770

**Rating:** K+

**Fluff Rating:** Ridiculously high.

**Warnings:** A curse or two.

**Notes:** If for some insane reason you ever had any doubt in your mind that I was a Sanji fluff fangirl, this will erase it completely. It's also my favorite, I think.

**Summary:** It's his first time… getting sick, that is.

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Good Medicine

By Dandy Wonderous

Sanji was sick.

Nami knew it by the way his face was always flushed lately and by his lack of exuberance.

"If you're sick, just go lay down!" she ordered more than once.

But Sanji was also stubborn.

"I'm just fine, Nami-san," he trilled. "I have to keep serving you, my sweet."

He tried to kiss her, but she shoved him back in annoyance. "Stop! I don't want your germs!"

He was not deterred by the rejection, only muttering that he didn't have any germs, he was just fine, thank you very much, and set down her drink before twirling back to the kitchen.

At first she was just going to let him be until he got better or passed out on his own, but as she watched him sway dangerously on his feet during supper, sweat on his brow, she decided to act before the idiot killed himself.

That night, when Sanji attempted to climb into their bed, he found his way blocked by Nami, who laid spread-eagled across it.

"Nami-san…" he began playfully, but she cut him off.

"I'm not letting you into this bed until you admit that you're sick." She said it in that tone that meant no nonsense.

His face fell. "I'm fine, Nami-san."

"Yeah, that's why you almost passed out over dinner." She stared at him pointedly.

He pouted. "But I'm not sick!"

"Then you won't mind sleeping on the couch."

Sanji gaped pleadingly at her for a few more seconds, then scowled. "Well…fine!"

She listened to the door slam behind him and rolled her eyes.

She gave him eight minutes.

* * *

Eight minutes later, he returned.

"The couch in the galley is cold and lumpy," he said as he walked in.

She raised an eyebrow. He looked even worse now, she thought. "Then go to the men's cabin," _and admit you got kicked out,_ her eyes added with a challenge, "or just admit that you're sick."

He held his ground for a few seconds longer, then gave a resigned sigh. "I'm sick," he groaned, shoulders slumping.

She laughed and moved aside so he could crawl into bed. "See? Was that so hard?"

"Mmm…" Now that he was laying next to her, she could feel heat radiating from his body like a flame. She propped herself up on her elbow and kissed his sweat-drenched forehead gently. The fever felt moderately high, but Chopper had guessed by looking at him that it wasn't anything too serious. She reached over and grabbed a glass the doctor had given her earlier, then held it out to him.

"Here. Chopper said you needed to drink this when you came to your senses."

Sanji sat back up and downed the medicine sulkily. He made a face after he swallowed, smacking his lips. "Disgusting."

"You'll feel better, though," she said with a smirk.

He flopped down on the pillows. "I feel fine now," he replied lamely.

"No you don't," she retorted. "Stop being such a stubborn idiot. It's okay to feel bad when you're sick."

He scowled but didn't answer. For a moment he lay there, eyes closed, and she thought he had fallen asleep. Then he spoke.

"Why'd you kiss my forehead? Not that I'm complaining or anything."

She shrugged. "It's what Bellemere-san would do if I was sick when I was little. It's to see if you have a fever."

"What happened to thermometers?" he teased.

She laughed. "It's just quicker that way. And it makes the sick person feel better."

He opened his eyes and looked at her in all seriousness. "I think you should check me for fever again."

She rolled her eyes in mock annoyance but kissed his forehead again. "Just as high as it was before."

"Are you sure?"

"Nope. Maybe I should go get that thermometer."

"Never mind, I'm confident in your lips, Nami-san."

She shook her head. "What _am_ I going to do with you?" She wiped some sweat from his brow. "Get some sleep, Sanji-kun."

He nodded weakly, eyes drifting closed. "Mmm… Nami-san?"

"Yeah?"

"I feel like shit."

She tucked the covers around the sleeping man, a fond smile on her face. "Moron…"

* * *

Sanji didn't so much wake up as sat up, as straight as though someone had jerked a string attached to his head or hit some sort of reflex point. He convulsed, and by the time his consciousness caught up with his body, he was covered in the mostly digested remains of his supper.

His face burned, in embarrassment or from fever he wasn't sure, he was still too foggy to tell. With a growing awareness he realized Nami was rubbing his back comfortingly and saying something to him. Maybe scolding him for soiling her expensive sheets. He probably deserved that.

"Sorry…" he mumbled when he was in control of his jaw again.

"No reason to be," she said gently. He felt her crawl out of bed and felt a strange urge to grab her hand and beg her not to leave, promise that he wouldn't do it again. He pushed the needy thought away just as she pulled the sheets off the bed, bundling them up around his vomit, then unbuttoned his bile covered shirt. He held his arms up and let her remove it, being undressed like a little child. His face burned hotter.

She opened the dresser and produced new sheets, spread those across the bed, and then disappeared with the dirty ones. Sanji sank shakily back down on the mattress and waited for her, fighting off the exhaustion that threatened to claim him.

She came back with a clean t-shirt of his, a white mat of some kind, a small trashcan, and a glass of water (Sanji was impressed that she could hold it all). She pulled the t-shirt over his head and then handed him the water and the trashcan. "You can wash out your mouth and spit in this," she offered in explanation, walking around to her side of the bed. "Rubber sheet," she answered his silent question as she spread out the white mat on the mattress.

Sanji swished the water around in his mouth and spit it out, which made him feel a little better. The clean shirt helped, too. He tried drinking some, but his stomach immediately rejected it, and he ended up coughing it back into the trashcan he was glad he had kept in his lap. Nami watched worriedly.

"That isn't good; you'll dehydrate." He lifted the glass to his lips again, and she stopped him. "Don't keep trying if you're just going to spit it back up. Here, move over to my side."

"Nami-san," he croaked in protest, but she shook her head.

"Come on, move over; it's where I've got the rubber sheet. I have more blankets, but I can't have you messing up my only mattress cover." He looked genuinely upset by the idea, so she sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's fine, Sanji-kun. Just move over."

She helped him, then left again, saying, "I'll see if Chopper has anything to settle your stomach," over her shoulder.

He waited, laying as still as possible should any movement cause him to ruin his dear Nami-san's sheets. His stomach surged and rolled, and he clutched the trashcan for safety, utterly miserable.

So this was what being sick was like. Absolute hell. It was an experience he could have gladly skipped.

It seemed like forever before Nami returned, holding some kind of pill that he was sure he would hate. She climbed into his (_unclean_, he thought) side of the bed and rubbed a thumb on his forehead gently. He groaned and trembled.

"I can't give you this if you're about to throw it back up," she chided.

He surrendered, sitting up and heaving into the trashcan. It didn't last long this time, thanks to his now empty stomach. Soon he was merely coughing hoarsely.

She was rubbing his back again. "Stomach bugs are the worst, huh?"

He nodded, bringing his head up out of the trashcan.

"Finished?"

"I think so."

"Then eat this," she instructed, holding the pill and the glass out to him. He took the medicine and chewed it, face screwed up at the bitter taste, then waited. He didn't immediately throw it up, so that was a good sign. Still, he didn't trust himself to set down the trashcan just yet.

"I was kidding about the mattress cover," Nami offered apologetically. "I didn't mean for you to get upset about it."

"Sorry," was all he answered. Even so, he slumped against her shoulder, resting his head there. She was so warm and comforting. He thought briefly that his breath probably stank, but it was taking too much energy to be embarrassed at this point.

She put an arm around his shoulders and held him. "I already said, there's no reason for you to be."

"But you might get sick from taking care of me," he muttered. Then, a bit reluctantly, "So you can leave if you want."

"Don't worry," she answered cheerily. "If I get sick, you'll just have to take care of me like I'm taking care of you." She grinned. "But I'll require a LOT more pampering."

He grinned back weakly. "Whatever you desire, Nami-san." He was too tired for his normal lovesickness, but at least he tried. After a little silence, he spoke again. "I'm glad I've never been sick before."

"Why? Besides the obvious reasons."

He laughed dryly. "That old shit-geezer never would have let me hear the end of how he had to take care of me." Sanji winced. "I can just hear him making fun of me now."

"Hmm… I dunno. He might have been more gentle than that."

"Hah! You don't know Owner Zeff that well, then, do you?" He laughed again.

She didn't answer right away, just held him. He was still hot with fever, and trembling, but it looked like his nausea had gone away. "Do you miss him?" she finally asked.

"Mmm… a little."

_He must be _really_ out of it to admit THAT._ She kissed the top of his head lightly and lowered them slowly together, afraid that sudden movements would upset his stomach again, until they were laying down. She leaned up and put the trashcan down on the floor, then snuggled against him. He sighed contentedly and put his head back on her shoulder.

"Sorry I'm such a stubborn ass," he whispered as he drifted off.

She laughed. "Don't worry, I'm just as stubborn." Then she gave his sweaty head a kiss and went back to sleep.

**The End**

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A/N: Sanji was never sick as a kid, so being sick for the first time apparently made him revert to childishness. I guess. -_-'

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Pikinanou: Thanks! And THAAAAANK YOUUUUUU for the fanart!!! I love it! It's awesome! XD XD XD

Chris F.: I think she was. XP It just took a little pushing from Robin. (No, according to Oda in the SBS of volume 40, Usopp is represented by the color yellow. I think brown is actually a fan picked color because Usopp's skin is darker than most of the other characters.) I know I will. XD


	21. Outcast

**Title:** Love's Sacrifice

**Theme:** Outcast

**Words:** 213

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** This can very easily be read as straight nakamaship.

**Warnings:** None

**Notes:** I know I'm not the only one to draw this connection. Right? Title courtesy of Abra.

**Summary:** He knew how it felt, to feel completely despised.

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Love's Sacrifice

By Dandy Wonderous

He knew how it felt. To think that everyone you knew hated you. To sense their scorn every time you were in their presence. To be unwanted and unneeded, and yet to love those same people so much that their distaste cut you straight to the heart.

He also knew how it felt to learn it was all a lie. To hear the secret admission of those you thought hated you. To realize they actually cared about you more than they could ever care about anyone else. To see that they only acted that way to help you.

Then he found out that she was going through the same thing. The townspeople pretended to hate her, to despise her, so that she wouldn't get in more trouble than she was already in. They couldn't let her know how much they loved her, how much they wanted to help her. Not yet.

So he would go above and beyond to help her. He would do anything to save her, her village, the entire island. He would do it, not just because of his chivalry, not just because his captain commanded it, but because he knew how it felt.

And she needed to know, too.

She needed to know how it felt to be loved.

**The End**

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A/N: Hugs for everyone! (random comment)

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Pikinanou: You know he is! XD XD


	22. Duel

If the link to pikinanou's fanart didn't work for you, there is now a direct link on my profile, up at the top amidst all the other bold stuff. While you're there, check out the other awesome fanarts people have drawn for me. ^^

**Title:** Happy Anniversary

**Theme:** Duel

**Words:** 2,525 (and 25's my favorite number, haha!)

**Rating:** T

**Fluff Rating:** Fairly fluffy at the beginning and end, but I think it's worth your time reading the middle for the Nami win. XD

**Warnings:** Mild Language, Violence! (rawr)

**Notes:** No, I don't think Nami would ever forget, at least not this easily. It's just "what if" for the sake of plot! I think it's one of the sad things about America that Robin's comment about people getting trampled is true (which is why I never go out on Black Friday, four dollar tvs or no). As for the line about Sanji's baking not being his strong suit, I had a reason for that! I just have no idea what it was anymore… *sweatdrop* But have you SEEN that ginormous cake he makes in the current opening (or the one before this one, if it's changed (I'm a few weeks behind on the anime))? He is definitely just fine at baking…

**Summary:** She has forgotten their anniversary, so there's only one thing to do: SHOP!!!

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Happy Anniversary

By Dandy Wonderous

A light kiss placed on her cheek woke Nami, and she snuggled with the fuzziness of first waking into a warm arm that wrapped around her shoulders. The smell of delicious food came to her nose and she enjoyed it for several seconds before finally opening her eyes and looking at the tray resting on her knees.

It was quite a spread. Fluffy pancakes and waffles, scrambled eggs, crisp bacon, cinnamon toast, an array of fruits, and freshly squeezed orange juice. A vase of lilies clipped from Robin's flowerbeds topped off the presentation.

"Breakfast in bed for my beautiful Nami-san," Sanji whispered against her ear.

"Wow," she gasped appreciatively. "This looks amazing, Sanji-kun."

"Only the best for you, my love!" he trilled, twisting a strand of her hair around his finger.

Nami smiled and sliced off a bite of syrupy waffle. It was even more delicious than usual.

Sanji watched her eat for a few minutes with joyful interest. "Good?"

"Perfect."

He grinned. "I promise this isn't all, Nami-san. I have more planned for you."

She paused, mikan slice poised halfway between the plate and her mouth. "More?"

"Of course!" He laughed. "Surely you don't think I'd only give you breakfast in bed on our anniversary."

Nami choked on the small fruit, and Sanji cried out in alarm and rubbed her back until she managed to swallow it.

"Nami-san!?!"

"I'm, cough! …I'm fine, I'm fine. Uh, what were you saying?"

He was still watching her worriedly, but he continued anyway. "I was saying that I had more planned for you for our anniversary."

"Oh. That's what I thought you said…"

Luckily for her, he was swept back up in his excitement and didn't notice her sudden panic. "Can you believe we've been married for a whole year!" Not so much a question. "And it's been the most wonderful year of my life!"

Nami mentally calculated the year in injuries: fourteen broken ribs, two broken legs, eight dislocated shoulders, one cracked collarbone, eighty-seven potentially life threatening sword wounds, and four hundred thousand, six hundred twenty-two minor bumps, scrapes, cuts, and bruises. Give or take any that he might be hiding from her.

It was a nice sentiment anyway, and while Nami certainly agreed that she loved being married to Sanji, she couldn't be enthusiastic at the moment.

"Nami-san? Is something wrong?" Sanji was still worried, and he tried to feel her forehead to make sure she wasn't sick.

"I'm fine," she waved him off quickly, grabbing a piece of toast and biting into it with relish. This seemed to appease him, though he watched her more closely than she would have liked. She nodded at the tray. "Have some breakfast!"

He shook his head vehemently. "Oh, I couldn't, Nami-san, it's your foo-mmph!"

She cut him off by shoving a bite of pancake in his mouth. "But I want to share with you, Sanji-kun," she whined.

This effectively shut him up, and together they ate the anniversary breakfast, Nami forcing herself to be cheerful and excited while in her head she was freaking out. When it was over, Sanji reached into his suit pocket and produced a wad of bills, which he handed to her with a smile.

"I've got to put together your surprise, Nami-san," he explained. "So while I'm doing that, you go shopping with Robin-chan and have fun."

She stared at the money in shock. The crew didn't get a lot of spending money, so for him to be giving her this much meant he must have been saving for quite awhile. She winced internally; she thought she had seen him smoking less lately.

"Sanji, I couldn't, really-"

He silenced her with a kiss, then rolled himself out of bed. "I insist, Nami-san." He grinned brightly at her. "Go enjoy your day. But don't come back until time for supper, okay?"

She forced a big smile. "Okay, I won't. Thank you, Sanji-kun!"

He left her alone, and it was then that Nami really started freaking out. She flew out of bed and to her closet, digging for something to wear. Once she was clothed, she dashed out onto the deck and called frantically for Robin.

"Over here, Navigator-san," Robin called from a deck chair, giving her a little wave. Nami saw that she was already clad in sundress and hat, ready to go into the village.

"Robin," she hissed, running up to her quickly. She held out the money Sanji had given her. "Sanji just gave me all this. What do I do!?!"

The older woman laughed, getting up from her seat. "I believe you use it to buy things with, Navigator-san."

Nami shook her head. "No, I don't mean that. Robin, do you realize _why_ he gave me this?"

"Because it's your anniversary, is it not?"

"You KNEW!?!"

"Of course. Cook-san has been fretting about what to do for you for some time now."

Nami wailed and sank to her knees, burying her face in her hands.

"Nami-chan! What's wrong?"

"Robin! It's horrible!" She sniffed and looked up at her from between her fingers. "I forgot our anniversary."

Robin stared at her a moment, blinking. "Forgive me, but isn't it the man who typically forgets these things?"

"_No one's_ supposed to forget about the FIRST one!" she cried. "I can't believe it! And he's been working so hard for me, too…" She sobbed. "He'll be crushed when he finds out."

"I'm sure he'll forgive you."

"I'm not worried about _that_! He'd forgive me if I set his hair on fire! That won't save him from being hurt, though." She sighed. "Onee-san, should I just tell him?"

Robin got up from her chair and shouldered her bag. "No, I think we can fix this yet. Come along, Navigator-san; it would seem we have some serious shopping to do…"

* * *

The streets were a hustle and bustle of frantic activity. Apparently, it was some big shopping day know as "Black Friday," which Nami had never heard of but that certainly sounded like a good thing. Everything was on sale at outrageous rates.

Of course, there were limited numbers of items, and the people of the town were at their worst to take advantage of it.

"Ooo, Robin, don't you think this shirt would be perfect for Sanji? It would really bring out his eyes… and it's in his size, too!"

"Excellent, Navigator-san."

Nami grinned and started to take the shirt-the last of its kind in the store-to the counter.

A hand from nowhere grabbed at the sleeve of the shirt and tugged. "Let that go!" hissed a girl angrily, glaring at Nami. "This one's mine!"

"No way! I got it first!" Nami yanked back on the shirt, hoping she didn't tear the fabric.

"Well, I SAW it first!" the girl pulled back.

"LET GO!"

"YOU LET GO!"

"BOTH OF YOU LET GO!" screamed a third woman, jumping into the fray.

Nami yelped and pulled out a piece of her Clima-Tact, attempting to use it to fend off the bargain-crazed women. "ROOOOBIIIIN!!!"

Disembodied hands yanked her assailants away and rescued her, then made to clear a path to the counter. Nami ran through the clearing and slammed the shirt down in front of the frightened cashier. There was a chorus of disappointment behind her as she triumphantly paid. Then she and Robin pushed their way through the crowd and out of the store.

"This Black Friday thing is brutal," said Nami with a gasp, clutching the bag to her chest.

"I wonder if anyone has ever been trampled to death," mused Robin, watching the masses swarming for sales.

"Robin, that's just creepy." Nami shuddered and walked on to the next store.

Inside was yet another scrambling mob of shoppers. Nami was about to just give up on the whole thing and go elsewhere when she turned down onto a surprisingly deserted aisle. It was easy to see why it was empty after a moment; the shelves had been stripped clean of all products, save a lone knife sitting in the very middle.

Nami looked at it and knew immediately Sanji would like it. It was stainless steel, with a dark wood handle that had little blue fish carved into it. And hadn't he been complaining lately that he needed a new carving knife?

Perfect.

Her lips curling into a grin, Nami smiled and started to walk down the aisle, then froze again when she saw another woman appear at the other end of the aisle.

They stared at each other. Then they looked at the knife. Then they stared at each other again.

Then, simultaneously, they began to sprint for it.

They screeched to a halt only four feet from each other, the knife sitting unassumingly in the middle. Nami's hands twitched into fists, and the other woman's did likewise.

"That's mine," Nami snapped, voice low and even.

"Not if I get it first," the other snarled.

They lunged at each other. The other woman was taller and heavier, so she tried to tackle Nami. The lither girl dodged and went at her knees, trying to knock her down. The two grappled for a few minutes, then Nami broke away and pulled out her Clima-Tact, flipping it together and grinning triumphantly.

"Now what, bitch?" she whispered menacingly.

"Gina!"

Another girl appeared at the end of the aisle. She threw a broom handle to this Gina woman, who smiled as she caught it and whirled it skillfully toward Nami.

"It's on."

Nami scowled and whirled the Clima-Tact toward Gina. She held up the broom handle and blocked it, then pushed Nami back and whipped it in an arc for her stomach. Nami barely managed to block herself, then she whipped her rod straight up at Gina's face. Gina did a backbend to dodge and swung her pole at Nami's legs. Nami jumped and swung it down at Gina's shoulder, and Gina dodged to the side.

"Nice moves, ginger," taunted Gina as the two stepped back and slowly circled each other.

"Why thank you, fat ass," she hissed back, then rammed the butt of her Clima-Tact into Gina's stomach. The air rushed out of the girl's lungs in a whoosh, but she still managed to swing her broom handle around and slam it hard into Nami's arm. Nami yanked the rod up and into Gina's chin, and the girl fell back and onto the floor.

Nami stood over Gina and grinned. Gina snarled at her and swung the broom handle into her knees.

The navigator gasped in shock and fell. Now that they were both back in the floor, they abandoned their weapons and started wrestling again.

In the midst of the fray, Nami managed to pull the wind knot out of her pocket. With a grin, she yanked open the middle knot.

A strong gust of wind blew Gina off her and sent her spiraling into her friend at the end of the aisle.

The two struggled to disentangle themselves, and a bunch of hands appeared to hamper them. "Grab the knife now, Nami-chan!" yelled Robin from behind her. She wasted no time in doing just that, then ran back to the older woman.

"Let's go!" she cheered, and the two pirates made a break for it.

* * *

Three hours later, the haggard women returned to the ship, bearing several casualties of war (including a ripped blouse on Robin's part and more than one bruise on Nami), as well as plenty of spoils. Nami had the shirt and knife for Sanji as well as several packs of his favorite cigarettes and a few things for herself (so Sanji wouldn't get suspicious), while Robin had claimed several books from the relatively quiet bookstore.

"Hey, Nami! Robin!"

The two looked over to find Usopp, Luffy, and Zoro bound to the main mast by a thick rope. Their captain was grinning, their sniper sweating, and their swordsman sleeping.

"Oh my," said Robin with a laugh.

"What did you do?" sighed Nami.

"We were playing in the galley, and we wrecked something Sanji was working on on accident," Luffy explained, in a pouting tone like it was all Sanji's fault. "So he tied us up."

Nami shook her head. "I better go see what damage was done. Take care of the morons, Robin."

"With pleasure, Navigator-san."

The galley was an absolute mess. Green and brown goo (that Nami found to be butter cream and cream cheese icing) plastered the walls and ceiling, and there were the remains of what must have been a beautiful cake on the table. Sanji was making something at the stove, so absorbed in his work that he didn't notice her come in. His shoulders were tense and he was muttering irritably to himself.

"Will this help?" she asked, sneaking up behind him and holding a cigarette under his nose.

He froze, then took the cigarette without looking at her and lit it. For a second he stood still, inhaling smoke, then exhaled it with a sigh.

"Yeah…" he muttered. "That helps."

Then it registered who had just given it to him, and he turned and started trying to push her out of the galley. "No, I'm not ready yet!"

"Sanji-kun, calm down!" she chided, laughing. "It's okay, I know what the idiots did."

"It was supposed to be a big surprise," he lamented, dropping her shoulders in defeat. "It was in the shape of a mikan tree and everything. Probably the most extravagant cake I've ever made…" He looked full at her for the first time and gasped. "Shit, Nami-san, what happened to you!?! Did someone hurt you!?! Where is the bastard, I'll take care of him!!!"

"It was girl, actually," she said, making him falter slightly. "And it's no big deal."

He looked like he wanted to argue, but there wasn't much he could do if a girl had done this to her.

"Dinner sure smells good," she said, changing the subject.

"It would've been better with the cake," he muttered.

"Oh well. I'm sure if you let Luffy and Chopper back at it, it's still edible."

"But it was for _you_."

"And I'm very touched that you would bake such an extravagant cake when baking's not your strong suite," she said, hugging him.

He shook his head. "It wasn't just the cake."

"Huh?" Now she was confused.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a delicate gold chain, on which hung the most beautiful champagne diamond she had ever seen. "I was going to put this on top, in a little box," he explained, but didn't get any further before she had flung her arms around his neck and was kissing him.

"You didn't have to do that, Sanji," she said gleefully between kisses.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more," he said sadly. "I wanted to, but I almost ran out of time, because… well, I almost forgot," he admitted, sheepishly.

Nami felt more than a little relieved. "Yeah, me too," she lied.

"Well, this year has been crazy," he said with a shrug.

She kissed him again. "But it's been the best ever."

He kissed her back. "And many more will follow."

**The End**

* * *

A/N: I don't know why the diamond is a champagne diamond. I saw them one day in the mall and was like, "Ooo, those are pretty!" Which they are. *shrug*


	23. Pain

If you're reading "Kiss Kiss," the last chapter is being worked on and will be up either late tonight or tomorrow morning. ^^

**Title:** Things That Are Worth It

**Theme:** Pain

**Words:** 365

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** Pretty high.

**Warnings:** None, really

**Notes:** This is the last of short ones.

**Summary:** Some pains were more than worth it.

**

* * *

**

Things That Are Worth It

By Dandy Wonderous

Nami was no stranger to pain.

She could remember playing with Nojiko back when they were still so small they had to use stepstools to reach the kitchen sink. There had been countless skinned knees, bruised arms, twisted ankles, but those injuries had never once discouraged them from climbing trees and chasing each other through the mikan grove.

This had given way to stronger, harsher pains. The death of Bellemere still ached in her heart to this day. The long years working as Arlong's slave was sharper still. They added to physical wounds; cuts and burns and sprains from heists that didn't quite go off without a hitch, a broken arm once, once a torn leg muscle. Those wounds healed, though, and the others were healing, too, the longer she stayed with her nakama.

There had been pain the day she got her first tattoo, and there was far more the day she stabbed it away, screaming in anguish, bitter tears falling down her face. That had been the darkest moment, the worst agony, but then she had been saved.

Nami never once regretted going through it all. She could have run away at any time, run away and been safe and warm and far from any pain Arlong could inflict. But she didn't run.

That pain had been worth it.

Perhaps this wasn't on the same scale as slaving for eight years to save a village, but it had certainly hurt worse than any other physical injury she had ever endured. She lay on the bed, panting, still aching slightly, her hand held in Sanji's because everyone was afraid he would work himself into a nervous fit and die of smoke inhalation from putting an entire pack in his mouth at once otherwise. Chopper walked over holding a little blanket wrapped bundle and she reached out her arms for it, ignoring their tired protest.

She looked down at the little boy in her arms, at the thin eyebrows that curled ever so slightly at the ends and at the fine blonde fuzz on his head, and immediately forgot all about the agony of the last several hours.

This pain had been worth it, too.

**The End**

* * *

A/N: BABY! Heeeee. *stupid grin*


	24. Snow

**URGENT FAN FREAKOUT MESSAGE!! If you haven't read chapter 579, GO FIND IT NOW!!! And for those of you who have, HOLY SHIT!!! THAT'S FREAKIN' EPIC AND COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED!!! My mind is blown…**

**Title:** Hot Chocolate

**Theme:** Snow

**Words:** 711 (which makes me lawl; seven eleven, ^^)

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** HIGH!

**Warnings:** Excessive fluff and no plot

**Notes:** This was inspired by that man who drew and then took pictures of snowflakes. I don't remember his name, but I had a picture book about him back in the day…

**Summary:** Small talk on a snowy day.

**

* * *

**

Hot Chocolate

By Dandy Wonderous

"Did you know that no two snowflakes are alike, Nami-san?"

Nami lifted her head off his chest and took a sip of her hot chocolate. Outside the galley's window she could see Luffy and Franky in a snowball fight with Usopp, Chopper, and Brook. The snow wasn't falling as thick as it had been earlier, when it had covered the deck, but there were still flakes drifting slowly down.

"Yes, I knew that." What kind of weather expert would she be if she didn't?

"Back in North Blue, there would be really short summers, and then the snow would come." Sanji took a sip of his own drink before continuing. "During the first snowfall, before it was deep enough to do anything, the other kids and I would catch snowflakes and try to draw them."

Nami felt the vibrations from his speech through his chest. It was pleasant. She stretched her legs out across the couch so as to feel it better. "Did you ever get one drawn?"

"Me? No." He stroked her hair contemplatively. "There was one kid, he drew a few. But he cheated."

She became a bit more interested. Sanji didn't often talk about the people he had known in North Blue. "How can you cheat at snowflake drawing?"

Her head moved up and then back down as he shrugged. "He would memorize what one part of the snowflake looked like, and then he would draw that same pattern around in a circle."

"How is that cheating?"

"Because what if the snowflakes weren't that symmetrical? What if they were different on either side?"

"But you couldn't prove your point because you never got one drawn," she pointed out, taking another drink.

He laughed. "Fair enough."

They fell into a pleasant silence, watching the antics of their nakama outside. Nami set her empty cup down and snuggled closer against his warm chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

"When the snow got thick, we would have snowball fights and build snowmen and race sleds," he said after awhile. "And we would build big snow forts and not let the girls in."

"Now that I don't believe."

He laughed again. "I was raised not to hurt girls, but when I was still that young I had no qualms about keeping them out of our hideout. The other boys and I would pretend to be knights in a castle, fighting dragons and monsters." There was the soft click of his lighter, followed by the smell of smoke and nicotine.

"Sounds like fun."

"It was. It was a great distraction."

Sanji's voice had taken on a pained edge, so Nami decided to change the subject. "Nojiko and I hated snow. It meant the death of our plants and that we had to start staying inside to play."

"You didn't go out and make snow angels or have snowball fights?"

"We did, some. But it wasn't much fun with only the two of us. Sometimes Bellemere would join in, though…" Her voice grew wistful as she remembered.

This time it was Sanji changing the subject. "East Blue doesn't get a lot of snow on the sea. I missed it."

"Then I bet Drum Island was nostalgic for you."

"I was a little busy being worried about you." He kissed the top of her head.

"Good point."

The silence settled in again. Nami knew that it wouldn't be long before the idiots out on deck decided it was too cold and would come running into the kitchen for something warm, and then she'd have to let Sanji get up. So she would take advantage of what time she had now.

"What if you were wrong about the snowflakes and they really _were_ symmetrical?"

Sanji blew out another stream of smoke, then chuckled. "I'd still say he cheated."

"This boy didn't happen to have green hair, did he?"

Sanji laughed again. "No, Nami-san, he didn't. Might as well have, though."

"Mm."

She curled her legs up to her and settled herself on his chest. He stubbed his cigarette out in an ashtray and wrapped his arms around her, humming a song she had never heard before.

She drifted to sleep, dreaming of a land covered in snowflakes and smelling sharply of cigarette smoke.

**The End**

* * *

A/N: _It was a great distraction._

HYPOTHESIS: The North Blue is a war-torn land (maybe not, but I'm saying it is). Sanji's parents were killed, either as war casualties or from famine or disease (and it just occurred to me that a famine would be horribly ironic). Sanji grew up in an orphanage. The children needed a distraction from the sadness of their lives.

Why do I believe such horrible things? Because if Sanji DID have a family in North Blue prior to joining the _Orbit_ that he had known for his whole life up to that point, then Zeff would no longer be the father he never had and just be his mentor. And I love Zeff/Sanji fuzzies simply too much for that. ^^

Some people give him a more traumatic past than that, but I figure, the Strawhats only get one traumatic event apiece. It's okay if that trauma carries over (like Robin's years on the run), but they cannot get raped or abused or anything like that. It starts getting excessive, you know?

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Pikinanou: Daaaw. XD

Chris F.: Wow, big review time again.

19) I KNOW, ME TOO!!! It drives me crazy!!! She should know. But she probably never will. Ugh!

20) Oh, thanks! I'm really glad you liked that part. ^^ I hate being sick. But I hate staying in bed all day; I have to get up at some point.

21) Thank you! No, I am afraid I am not (I only know "The Reason," which I think EVERYONE knows). But now I'll have to look up those songs just to see what you were talking about. ^^

22) Lol, epic Wal-Mart battle FTW. XD No way! She would've just been like, "Don't be so insensitive, bitch!" and then punted her in the face. XP Thank you!

23) Yeah, people didn't get it. I love it (heehee). ^^ Thanks! (he so would, XP) They probably DO, but Nami was apparently one of those who went for natural childbirth. Your mother probably had an epidural, which numbs everything from the waist down, and Chopper probably knew how to do that, but you can still choose to do natural childbirth and not get anything (because it's supposedly better for you and your baby if you go natural, but you have to be a brave soul). On the other hand, Sanji was in pretty decent amounts of pain while his back was being operated on, so it IS feasible that either there are no anesthetics or Doctorine didn't believe in them and didn't teach Chopper to use them.

Whoa, really? Maybe it was in the color spreads. But it still looks white to me in the anime…


	25. Dinosaur

**Title:** Three in a Row

**Theme:** Dinosaur

**Words:** 4,175

**Rating:** K+

**Fluff Rating:** This is straight up nakamaship! …Unless you read the last line. ^^ But it's JUST the last line. And even that's not bad.

**Warnings:** A curse or two

**Notes:** I came up with this idea in calculus. I was supposed to be thinking about derivatives and integrals, and instead I'm trying to figure out what I'm gonna do for a prompt like "dinosaur" and BAM! This hits me. It's probably the oddest interpretation of such a theme ever. Still, it was really fun to write. It's barely any shorter than Mountain, so I guess I was wrong about that whole "this is the end of the long ones" thing. ^^'

**Summary:** If Sanji could just get three in a row, he would win so much money that Nami would fall in love with him…

**

* * *

**

Three in a Row

By Dandy Wonderous

The island the Strawhats were currently docked at was actually just one giant resort. The crew was taking a vacation, and had spent all day chilling by the pool and building sand castles and sampling something from every all-you-can-eat buffet. They were more or less separated, bumping into each other here and there and switching up groups as they went around the resort.

So far, Sanji had played beach volleyball with the other guys, sat in a beach chair watching the bikini-clad girls walk down the beach with Franky and Brook, dragged Luffy out of the deep end of the pool (twice), competed in an impromptu diving contest with Zoro, and eaten lunch with Robin and Nami. All in all, a good day.

Now he was on his own again, wandering around the big hotel they were staying in for the night. He wasn't really paying attention to where he was going, watching instead the girls that walked by in their cute swim suits and cover ups, and was trying to decide if he would go to the luau that night or to one of the inside shows instead.

Somehow, in the midst of that wandering, he ended up in the hotel's casino.

He blinked when he realized where he was, looking around at the whirling slots and the roulette tables and all the thousands of blinking lights. The air was filled with the laughter and happy shouts of those winning, the cheerful clink of coins pouring out of machines, all deceitfully covering up the groans of the losers.

Sanji watched a man at a slot machine next to him pull the lever and get three brontosauruses all in a row. The brontosaurus was the resort's mascot, apparently, so getting three in a row gave out big winnings. The man shouted out in surprised triumph and a woman with him threw her arms around him as coins poured from the machine like water, showering him with kisses.

Immediately, a perverted grin slid across Sanji's face as he imagined himself getting three dinosaurs and winning all that money, then Nami throwing her arms around him in ecstasy and promising to be his forever…

A little voice in the back of Sanji's brain warned him to slow down and think as he walked right up to the change counter and exchanged the beri bills for coins. It begged and pleaded for him to stop as he carried the jingling cup back to a free machine and sat down on the stool. It panicked as he lifted the first coin and slipped it into the slot. And it gave up in despair as he pulled the lever.

It took Sanji a few tries to understand how the machine worked, but after several dud attempts he managed to get two starfish in a row. The starfish weren't worth much, but he got three more coins to work with. These he quickly blew on another round.

He wasn't having much luck.

Starfish, halibut, sea king.

Sea king, mermaid, halibut.

Halibut, starfish, halibut.

Sea king, sea king, halibut. Yay, a coin.

Sea king, halibut, mermaid.

BRONTOSAURUS, mermaid, dolphin.

Sanji stared at the results of his latest spin. It wasn't fair that there was a brontosaurus RIGHT THERE and nothing to match it to. Not only that, but where the hell had the dolphin come from?

Frustrated, Sanji cursed out the machine and reached into his cup for another coin.

It was empty.

Sanji stared at it in shock; had he _really_ gone through all those coins that quickly?

He shook his head and sighed. That had been all the spending money he had on hand. He stood up reluctantly and started to walk away, looking back wistfully at the slot machine.

"Are you finished, sir?" asked on of the casino workers, pausing on his way to take another player a drink.

"Yeah. I'm out of cash," he answered simply.

"We'll also let you dip into any resort credit your party purchased when checking in," the employee supplied helpfully.

Sanji paused to mull that one over. They _had_ put down fifty thousand beri, should any of them need more for food or whatnot. It was the crew's money, so he shouldn't take it… then again, he _was_ a member of the crew, so he was entitled to at least _some _of it. Just a little.

"Yeah… Yeah, okay. I'll do that."

"Excellent, sir. Go over to the change counter and they'll get you all set up."

Sanji went over and got out a little of the beri. He took his new cup over to the slot and played again.

This time, he got brontosauruses twice, two of them separated by a starfish on one spin.

Too soon, he was out of money again. And he _still_ hadn't won much of anything.

He stared at the machine forlornly. It stared back, taunting him with its promises of riches.

_Well, time to go._

Sanji stood up and turned toward the door resolutely. He needed to go eat something now if he wanted to make it to the show on time.

He took five steps and then swiveled and veered back for the coin desk. If he went to the luau instead, he would eat there and not have to worry about it. So see, this trip to the casino had helped him make up his mind!

And anyway, a few more games wouldn't hurt. He could stop anytime.

* * *

"This… is the life."

Nami sighed as the cute island native massaged her feet tenderly and expertly. The mask on her face tingled pleasantly, and the air smelled of fragrant flowers.

"Yep… I could get used to this." She reached over and picked up her mikan daiquiri, having to feel for it because of the cucumbers on her eyes.

"I agree, Nami-chan. This is quite relaxing." Robin was similarly robed, also with a facial, while a woman filed and painted her nails.

"Mm-hmm…" Nami drained the last of her drink, then waved her hand in the vague direction of a worker.

"Yes, Miss Nami?"

"Can you get me another of these?" She waved the empty glass.

"Certainly, Miss Nami."

The girl hurried off and Nami sighed. "Let's stay here forever."

Robin laughed. "Sure, why not?"

"Excuse me, Miss Nami?"

The girl had returned, and Nami realized no drink was being placed back in her hand. "It was mikan," she supplied airily.

"No, it's not that. Um… your resort credit has run out, so I can't give you another unless you have cash-"

"WHAT!?!"

Nami sat up rimrod straight, the cucumbers falling off her eyes as she did so. "What do you _mean_, out of credit!?! HOW CAN WE BE OUT OF MONEY ALREADY!?!"

"I'm sorry, Miss Nami!" The girl held up her hands in defense. "I checked, but you don't have anything left."

"Oh my," said Robin, sitting up next to her. "That is a problem."

Nami yanked her feet away from the man and stood up, tightening the belt of her robe. "Someone is _so_ going to be dead when I catch them!" she shrieked, marching straight out of the spa.

Robin watched her leave, then turned back to the girl, pulling a bill out of her pocket. "I'll take another strawberry daiquiri, if you don't mind," she said politely.

"Um… yeah, okay."

* * *

The first one Nami found was Luffy, seated in one of the resort's restaurants surrounded by plates and scarfing down food like there was no tomorrow.

"Luffy, you idiot!" she roared, coming up behind him and hitting him on the head. "You spent all our money on this food!"

"OW! But Nami," he whined, "all the food is free!"

"It's true," said one of the waiters. "Alcohol costs, because it costs more to import, but all the rest of the food is included in booking your stay at the resort."

"And we've been having fun serving your friend food," added another waiter. "He can really put it away!"

"Yeah! Go, go, go!" cheered a group of waiters, busboys, and random interested vacationers.

Luffy, bored with the conversation, dumped another plate into his mouth, and the cheering section chorused, "Plate number seventy-four!"

Nami sighed and shook her head. "You're hopeless."

Luffy answered her with a loud belch, and three of the busboys held up number cards: 10, 10, and 9. The nine judge was punched in the head by an indignant waiter.

"Listen, Luffy, where is Usopp?"

"Uhhh, I think I saw him and Chopper watching the fire guys."

"Fire guys?"

"Yeah, they were twirling these flaming stick things. It was cool! But then I smelled the food and came here instead."

"Right, I'll go look there."

Nami turned and left, shouts of "Plate number seventy-five!" following her out.

* * *

"Usopp!"

Usopp was sitting in a small crowd on one of the resort's lawns, watching in awe as several dancers twirled flaming batons easily around their heads and between their legs.

"Usopp!" she hissed as she ran up to him. "Did you spend any money on this show?"

"No," he answered distractedly. "Whoa, did you see that!"

"Wanna try?" asked one of the dancers, offering his baton to Usopp.

"C-can I?"

"Sure!"

"Wait, Usopp!" But the sniper was ignoring her, jumping up and hesitantly twirling the unlit baton between his fingers.

"You're a natural!" encouraged the dancer.

"Well, I did win a worldwide flaming baton twirling contest when I was five," Usopp bragged.

"Wow! Really? Then you wouldn't mind if I lit them."

"No, of course no-whoa, oi, oi, that fire's really close to my fa-a-AAAACEEEE!"

Nami rolled her eyes. "Usopp, where is Chopper?"

"I think he's by the penguin enclosure-HOLY CRAP, WATCH IT!"

Nami left him yelping and dodging the flames while the dancers laughed and encouraged him to keep going. She was pretty sure she heard the grass catch on fire behind her, but didn't stop to look back.

* * *

"Yeah, it's kind of hard being the only animal in the crew, because humans are so weird, but you get used to it after awhile…"

"Chopper!"

Chopper turned away from where he was leaning on the rock wall of the enclosure, talking to one of the penguins, and yelped. "Aah! Nami's turning into a monster!"

"Huh?" She touched her face (which Chopper was pointing at in fear) and felt the mask. "Oh. No, Chopper, I'm not, it's just to smooth out my skin."

"But you look really scary!"

"Chopper, it's just-"

"Even more scary than usual!"

"WHAT'S _THAT_ SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!"

Chopper squeaked and cowered in fear, hiding the wrong way behind a palm tree. Nami sighed and knelt down.

"I'm sorry, Chopper. It's just a green cream, okay? That's all."

Chopper came sheepishly out from behind the tree and shuffled his hooves. "So you're _not_ a monster now?"

"No, of course not."

"Okay, good." He grinned at her and Nami couldn't be mad at him for the scary comment. "So, what's up?"

"I was just wondering if you had spent any money lately."

Immediately his eyes widened, then they started to water. "Was I not supposed to?" he asked softly, upset.

"That depends. How much did you spend?"

His lip trembled, then he started bawling as he produced a little wooden penguin figurine. "I bought this at the gift shop," he confessed.

"Oh. That's fine, okay?" she said, patting his shoulder. "I don't mind that you got a toy."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Oh." His tears dried up real fast and she grinned at his sudden cheerful face. "So I'm not in trouble?"

"No." She stood up, eyes flashing darkly. "But someone else sure is. Have you seen Zoro?"

"Um, I think he went to the gym."

_Where else?_ "Okay. Thanks, Chopper!"

As she left, she heard a few confused clicks behind her, followed by Chopper saying, "No, I don't get them, either."

* * *

"Five thousand, one hundred fifty eight… Five thousand, one hundred fifty nine…"

Nami fought through the astonished crowd of onlookers to where Zoro was hanging upside down from a metal bar, doing crunches. "Zoro!" she yelled.

"Shhh," hissed one of the spectators. "You'll break his concentration!"

"THE HELL IF I CARE!" she snapped back, sending the man scrambling in fear for his life. She turned back to Zoro. "Hey, you!"

"What do you want, witch?" he asked, irritated.

"Booze costs money!" she said, pointing an accusing finger at him. "So how much have you bought?"

"Since lunch? None. I've been in here. Five thousand, one hundred sixty one…"

"None? Not even _one_ bottle?"

He pulled up into a crunch and bent his head back so he was eyelevel with her. "Not even one. But if you keep talking to me, I may have to go get a few."

"That comment got your interest raised five percent," she spat, punching him in the head.

She hooked him just right, and with a rather undignified yelp he slipped off the bar and fell in the floor right on his marimo head.

"Ow! Damn bitch."

"She just took down Roronoa Zoro," whispered one of the onlookers in awe.

"Amazing," hissed another.

"Yeah, and don't you forget it," Nami said triumphantly. She whirled on her heel and swaggered out. She could see the beach from here, and there was only one broad-chested man in a bright shirt and no pants that that could be…

* * *

"FRANKY!!!"

She was standing at the edge of the water, waving her arms. Franky was surfing on the waves, two giggling girls perched on his giant arms. "Eh? Girly? Hey, want to come out!? The surf is SUPER!"

"SUPER!" cheered the two girls in agreement.

"Eh, no thanks!" she yelled back. "But have you spent any of our money lately!?"

He seemed to contemplate even as he slid to the front of his board to hang ten. "No, I haven't! This week's Franky has felt SUPER frugal, so I've just been chilling on the beach!"

"You sure!?"

"Yeah! Sure you don't want to come out, girly!?"

"Yes! AND DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!"

"Suit yourself!"

"Hey, where is Brook!?"

"Skeleton-bro's up the beach!" Franky pointed.

"Thanks!" She waved and hurried the way he had indicated, laughing to herself when she heard, "ANIKI, WATCH OUT!" before the three crashed into the surf.

* * *

It was easy to find Brook once she heard the music. He had joined a shoreline jam session, playing a ukulele.

"Skelly-bro," said one of the men, beating on his bongo drums, "just keep givin' me those mellow tones."

"We're following you, you just follow the ocean," agreed another, playing an acoustic guitar.

The man with the saxophone nodded enthusiastically.

"Yohoho! I must say, this is quite enjoyable! My heart beats with the roll of the tide! Ah! But I have no heart. Yohohohoho!"

The musicians laughed with him. "You crack me up, Afro," said the guitar guy.

"But you need some dreads like us, man," said the bongo man.

"No, I must keep my afro," he said. "It's a sign of my promise to a friend that I would return to him one day."

The man with the saxophone sniffed and pulled the instrument out of his mouth. "That's beautiful, man," he said in a deep bass.

"Brook!" Nami came running up to them.

"Oh, hello, Nami-san!" Brook said, looking up from his ukulele. "Might I see your panties?"

"NO!" she snapped, declining to mention she wasn't wearing any under the robe. "Have you spent any of our money lately?"

"No, I haven't. I've been here all afternoon, playing with my new friends." He nodded at the jammers, who nodded at her. "Care to join us?"

"No thanks." She shook her head. "You're sure you haven't spent anything?"

"I'm quite sure, Nami-san."

"Yeah, sis, he's been here with us," the bongo player assured her.

Well, that was a dead end. She had one more crewmate to find now, and she was shocked at who was left. "Have you seen Sanji?"

"No, I haven't. Of course, I have no eyes with which to see him. Yohohohoho!"

"Well, if you see him, tell him he's dead when I get a hold of him, okay?"

"Certainly. Sirs, do you happen to know a little ditty by the name of Binks' Sake?"

She stalked away as the song started behind her, anger growing in her. _Sanji_ had spent all their money? Strange, but it had to be true. All she knew was he better have a good explanation…

* * *

Nami had scoured the resort from corner to corner and still hadn't found the chef. She looked high, she looked low, from restaurant to restaurant, pools, beaches, shops, their rooms (stopping to wash off the mask and put on some clothes), _everywhere_. Finally, there was only one place left to look.

The casino.

She fumed with silent fury as she walked through the doors. If he really _was_ in here, gambling all their money away, he was _so_ going to die.

She was greeted by the familiar cheerful trickery of the casino. She didn't believe much in gambling herself, as it was too risky for her tastes, but it was a simple matter to get the lucky gamblers drunk and take their winnings, so she had spent a lot of time in places like this. None of the colorful lights or promising signs swayed her; she knew it was just a scam.

"Excuse me," she said, walking up to the woman working the coin counter. "Have you seen a blonde man, keeps his hair parted over one eye, swirly eyebrow, probably showered you with compliments in a pathetic attempt to get into your pants?"

"Oh, you mean Mr. Sanji," said the girl cheerfully.

"Ah, so he _was_ here."

"He's _still_ here." She pointed over toward the other side of the room. "I was just about to call security, actually; he's scaring the other customers." Her smile didn't falter.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of him." Nami nodded gratefully to the girl and stormed across the casino.

He wasn't at all hard to find; he was running frantically from machine to machine, begging people for coins. Nami gaped at him as he pleaded for just a single beri, offering to sale his cigarettes, his coat, his slacks, even his special shoes. Finally, a man took pity on him and handed him a coin, and he darted to the nearest open slot machine, threw in the coin, and yanked the lever.

Brontosaurus, starfish, brontosaurus.

He stared at it for a moment, then collapsed against the machine, shoulders shaking.

Nami blinked in shock. Sanji had completely flipped, and now it looked like he was having some kind of breakdown.

She walked over to him and tentatively put a hand on his arm. "Sanji-kun?"

His head jerked up, and she found that he was not crying like she had thought, but laughing, a deranged sound, eye strangely unfocused, darting from her face to the machine to the people around them to the empty cup he clutched and put down and clutched again. "Ahahahaha! Hello, Nami-san. I'm sorry, I haven't won yet; come back later, okay? Ahahahaha!"

"Sanji-kun, what are you _doing_?" she demanded. "You've spent all our money on this!"

"I haven't won yet, Nami-san," he repeated, not hearing her. "I have to get three dinosaurs… Three in a row… They're in there, you know!" He swiveled and pointed at the slot accusingly, swaying as though drunk, and Nami was seriously starting to wonder if he had been drugged. "They keep going by, whoosh whoosh whoosh, dancing around, like big, big… they're green, you know? Must be the marimo's fault… three marimos in a row… Three in a row, Nami-san, and I'll have so much money…" He turned to look back at her, eye darting feverishly. "Three in a row, three in a row-"

SMACK!

Nami hadn't meant to slap him _quite_ so hard, but frankly, he was starting to scare her, and she didn't know how else to bring him out of it.

He jerked back, stunned, his hand flying to the fresh red handprint on his face. For a second he just sat there, motionless, then his eyes snapped into focus and he really looked at her for the first time.

"…Nami-san? What's… did I do something wrong?"

"YES, you did something WRONG!" she yelled, glaring at him, and he flinched at her anger. "You spent ALL our money on SLOT MACHINES!"

He was confused at first, but then the truth dawned on him. "I did? …I _did_."

"Yeah, you DID."

His face flushed with shame, and he collapsed off the stool and at her feet, head bowed. "I'm so sorry, Nami-san! I can't believe I… You must hate me now! I don't blame you, either. Will you ever forgive me? No, I don't deserve it."

Nami stood uncertainly over him, unsure what to do. If it had been any of the other guys, they would probably be laughing about it right now until she beat them senseless for being an idiot and made them do the worst chores on the ship to make up for it. But leave it to Sanji to make a big, embarrassing scene in front of everyone, and she wasn't even sure if he was being sincere or overdramatic, or maybe… Her brain hurt just trying to figure it out.

"Sanji-kun, you're embarrassing me," she muttered, and he wailed and sank closer to the floor. Okay, new approach. "Come on; let's go outside and then I'll figure out what to do with you."

He followed her out, head bowed like the little kid who'd been caught with a crayon and a freshly graffiti-ed wall. She led him to a bench and had him sit down, then stood before him, arms folded.

He said nothing, staring at his hands.

"I'm disappointed in you, Sanji-kun," she said finally.

He didn't answer. At least he was over the melodrama. She guessed that hearing her say that made him get serious about the whole thing.

"You shouldn't have spent all our money like that," she informed him needlessly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, eye still glued to his hands. "I don't know what came over me."

"Yeah, well, gambling can do that to people," she consented, suddenly finding it hard to be mad at him when he looked so upset. "B-but! That doesn't make it okay!"

"I know."

She glared at him. "Stop looking like that! Dang it, Sanji-kun, you're as hard to scold as Chopper."

He looked up at her quizzically, and she shook her head. "Don't ask."

He nodded obediently and looked back down at the floor. After a moment of awkward silence, he ran a hand through his hair. "Shit. I really screwed up, didn't I?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "You did."

He nodded. "I'll do whatever I need to do to make it up to you."

She sat down on the bench next to him. "It's not so much that I'm worried about the money," she half-lied. "It's that you would waste it on something so pointless. I mean, you're already spending ridiculous amounts of beri on your cigarettes…" He winced. "…And now, this. You can't get addicted to gambling, too."

"I know. Shitty machine was mocking me, though, with its bastard dinosaurs and those damn dolphins." He frowned and scuffed his toe against the carpet in annoyance.

"Well, you have to get over it. It's just a scam, and you have no luck, anyway."

He sighed and put his head in his hands. "I know. I'm sorry."

She stared at his slumped shoulders for a moment, then wrapped an arm around them. They tensed, and it felt almost like he was holding his breath.

"I'm disappointed in you, Sanji, but I don't hate you," she promised, squeezing his shoulder. "I know you won't do it again, right?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "Never, Nami-san! I'll stay far away from any casinos for the rest of my life!"

She watched him for a moment. "Still mad at yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's punishment enough, I guess. You'll still be in debt to me, though."

"I didn't expect anything less, Nami-san."

"Okay, really, cheer up! This is vacation!"

"How can I when I've failed you?"

She stood up, pulling her arm off his shoulders and taking his hand instead. "I know what will make you feel better," she announced. "Girls in grass skirts shaking their goods!"

He looked up, trying to hide the interest in his eyes. "Huh?"

"Come on, let's go to the luau together." She tugged on his hand. "Come on! As part of paying off your debt, you'll be my servant for the rest of the evening and will fetch me anything I ask you to. Now let's go or we won't get a good seat!"

He hesitated, but when he looked at her bright smile, he matched it with one of his own. "Hai, Nami-swaaan!"

He stood up and together they went to the luau, neither noticing (or perhaps not minding) that their fingers were still intertwined.

**The End**

* * *

A/N: How did Sanji go through several thousand beri? Well, I figure it's closer in value to yen then dollars, so it probably wasn't that hard. And he was ripping through the dough, too. XP

The sole reason for the middle part was so that Brook could be in a Bohemian jam session. BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT WOULD BE AWESOME!!! Don't deny it. XD

Also, Chopper is cute. Daaaw. And you know the penguins? There were penguins in our hotel in Hawaii, no lie. My mother and I are huge penguin fans, so I was walking through our hotel while the 'rents were checking in, and when I found those penguins I ran back to the front desk screaming, "MOM, ZOMG THERE ARE PENGUINS HERE!!!"

So if you were vacationing in Hawaii this past summer and saw a seventeen-year-old running through the lobby of your hotel flailing and screaming about penguins… yeah, that was me. XP

I can't help it! I am easily excited! -_-

And you know the alcohol thing? That's how it is on cruise ships. The food is included, but drinks (except tea and water) you have to pay for. Which drove me crazy. I don't DO tea and water! I mean, I love sweet tea and peach tea, but I NEED my caffeine! Gah! All inclusives are better; you pay for NOTHING! (extra, anyway) It's wonderful. ^^

Luau's aren't just girls shaking their goods. Guys do plenty of shaking, too. My hot surf instructor was a dancer at a luau… And day-um, was he sexy. XD (of course, when your mother is a Brazilian model and your father is a Brazilian pro surfer, beauty is just a given)

*drools in remembrance*

…Okay, babbling done now.

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Allbluechaser: All anon-y on me today, XP. Thanks! Ah hah! I thought maybe I was just imagining that (like Robin's purple eyes). Thanks, I like having my warm fuzzies. XD

Chris F.: I have no idea if snowflakes are symmetrical or not. I think someone said they were. *shrug* Wow, eight years!?! Where do you live!?! (you don't actually have to answer that…) Welp, we better start trekking it to Antarctica… XP Maybe, though that song gives me the willies, honestly (though that may be because when I first heard the song was on youtube, and the picture that was up for the whole song was Sanji sitting on that rock staring out at an empty sea, starving, and it was SO SAD!). But it IS a lullaby (albeit a haunting one), so sure. ^^ REALLY!?! OAO Shocking. It's a good song. ^^ Hmm, who knows. And that's because ffn blocks links.

Pikinanou: Oh, goodie; I hope I distract you and you draw me more pretty pictures. Uh, I mean… oh no, I hope you finish your projects… . YES! It was AMAZING!!! XD


	26. Chess

**Title:** Check and Mate

**Theme:** Chess

**Words:** 1,287

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** This is nakamaship unless you want it to be more.

**Warnings:** One curse

**Notes:** I got a LOT of feedback that Nami was REALLY a bitch in this one. I didn't intend for her to come off that bad, but she did. I apologize, Nami fans. I really do. Oh, and I know nothing about chess, other than how to move the pieces. I was later informed that it is indeed more strategic to move first.

**Summary:** Sanji ALWAYS let her win, so when he didn't now, she couldn't believe it.

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* * *

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Check and Mate

By Dandy Wonderous

"Checkmate."

Nami stared wide eyed at the chessboard. "No way. But I had checkmate in four moves!"

Sanji shrugged, a small grin on his face. "Sorry, Nami-san, but I had checkmate in two."

"Augh!" She slumped with her forehead against the table. "How are you so good at this?"

"There was a chef back on the _Baratie_ who liked to play. No one else was willing to, though, so he taught me. I never won against him, but I can win against just about anyone else."

"Yeah, yeah. You don't have to be so cocky about it," she muttered.

"My apologies, Nami-san! I'm sure you'll beat me soon! You've improved so much!" he praised hastily.

"Nnnrgh." It was true, though; she _was_ much better than the first time Sanji had asked her to play. She had thought that, with her brains, she would beat him in minutes, even though she hadn't played much before. So when he beat her in only a few turns, she'd been shocked. Since then, she had been challenging him to rematch after rematch, everyday there wasn't some freak Grand Line storm to navigate or enemy to defeat.

Sanji began to put away the chess pieces. "Would you like to try again tomorrow, Nami-san?"

"…Yeah." She sighed and stood up, stretching. "Maybe tomorrow will be my day."

"I'm sure it will, Nami-san!" he sang. "You'll come up with an amazing plan to beat me, I just know it!"

She glared at his patronization. "I'm going out on deck. Bring me a drink, Sanji-kun?"

"Of course, Nami-swaaan!"

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and marched out of the galley.

Robin looked up from her book as the younger woman flopped down in the deck chair next to her. "You lost again, I see."

"Robin," she whined, "I don't understand! Why can't I beat him?"

"Cook-san is a formidable opponent, Navigator-san. I only won by a move when I played him."

"But you _won_."

"Indeed. But it was a challenge; I quite enjoyed it."

"I'm glad _you_ were amused," she snapped, and Robin laughed.

"It is interesting, though, Navigator-san," she mused after a moment. "I thought for sure Cook-san would let you win."

Nami raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Don't you think he has too much pride for that?"

"But he lets you win at everything else. It shouldn't be any different to let you win at chess as well. I think perhaps he even let _me_ win."

She stared at Robin, seeing the truth of her words. Sanji let her win at… well, at _everything_. He let her win board games. He let her win when the crew played sports. He let her win races. But he wouldn't let her win chess.

Anger flared in her. Perhaps it was foolish and misplaced, but still, didn't he understand how much time she was wasting with this stupid challenge? She just wanted to _win_, and he wasn't letting her.

"That asshole!" she spat, standing up angrily.

Robin looked only mildly surprised. "Navigator-san?"

"He _hasn't_ been letting me win! Oh, he is in _so _much trouble!"

The archeologist laughed. "Aren't you supposed to get mad when he _does _let you win instead of when he doesn't?"

"No." She started marching angrily for the galley. "He's going to pay for playing fairly!"

She could hear Robin laughing behind her, but ignored it.

Sanji was putting a lime wedge and a little umbrella into a big drink when Nami burst through the doorway. He whirled to yell at the man who had interrupted him and curbed his tongue immediately when he saw it was her instead. "Nami-san, what's wrong? I'm almost done with your drink."

"Why aren't you letting me win at chess?" she demanded, pointing an accusing finger at him.

His smile faltered slightly. "Er, what do you mean, Nami-san?"

"You let me win. _Always._"

"What? Of course I-"

"Yes you do!" she interjected. "And you let Robin win, even at chess!"

He winced. "Of course, Robin-chan is so astute to have noticed…"

She folded her arms, eyes narrowed. "So why don't you let me win at chess, Sanji-kun?"

His smile was completely gone now. He sighed and let his eye drift to the floor.

"I don't know."

_Bullshit._ "Fine, Sanji-kun. If you're going to be that way… play me. And _let me win_."

Sanji looked back up at her slowly. "Whatever you want, Nami-san."

Normally he set up the chessboard with the eagerness of a young child, but now he put down the pieces with a strange solemnity. When he finished, he sat down on the opposite side of the table and waved at the board. "Ladies first, Nami-san."

"Oh no; you always say that. _You_ go first."

He shrugged and moved out a pawn. And the game began.

Nami soon saw with satisfaction that he wasn't playing with any of his normal fierceness. He made silly mistakes. Left crippling openings. A few times he set up what she knew was a trick, and just when she thought he was going to turn on her and win, he would move a piece the wrong way and let her destroy him again.

It wasn't long before her satisfaction became hollow. Not only was the game now much more boring, Sanji wasn't acting the way he was supposed to. Every time they had played this game before, he had been so happy, practically talking her ear off. Oh, sure, he was always noodling around her and saying all the things girls were supposed to want to hear, but it was _different_ when they played chess. He was more _real_, babbling on about cooking and All Blue and the _Baratie_, and sometimes he was more serious, like the day they had secretly talked about their undying devotion to Luffy, or the day he told her about how exactly he had met Zeff in the first place.

When they played chess, he wasn't the girl crazy idiot she manipulated, he wasn't the macho hothead that fought with Zoro, and he wasn't the formidable monster that destroyed opponents like they were nothing. He was just Sanji, a young man whose dream was to find All Blue and who could play chess almost as well as he cooked.

"Check."

Nami jerked out of her contemplations to stare at him.

"I thought we agreed-"

"You have me in check, Nami-san."

She blinked, then looked down. Sure enough, her bishop was in place to take his king. "…Oh."

He moved his knight in the way, then nodded again. "Take the knight and you'll have checkmate."

She stared down at the board, then with a wry smile did as he directed. "Checkmate."

He nodded and scooted out his chair. "Good game, Nami-san. Congratulations."

She watched him put the pieces away. His face was blank, but he moved with a sad finality.

"Sanji-kun," she said after he put the last piece away. "Why _didn't_ you let me win?"

He turned away and walked to the refrigerator, looking inside for supper ingredients. After a long silence, he said, softly, "Because I didn't know how else to get you to play with me everyday."

Nami's eyes widened.

"I _like_ playing chess with you, Nami-san."

She watched his tense shoulders as he started to prepare dinner, aware of her eyes on him but avoiding her gaze directly. Finally, she chuckled to herself.

_You could have just _asked_ me._

Sanji stopped peeling potatoes and listened with shock to the soft thump of chess pieces on wood. He turned around and found Nami smiling at him, standing on the other side of the table, chessboard set up and ready to go.

"Let's play again, Sanji-kun; I think I just might win this time."

**The End**

* * *

A/N: I also got a lot of feedback that chess master!Sanji was really hot. I agree. XD

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Chris F.: Me too! So out of character, yet totally awesome. XD Thanks! Actually, it's something I saw him doing fairly easily, when trying to impress Nami. I actually had this big thing at the beginning about how he got addicted to things easily (like cigarettes), but I later scrapped it because it was dumb. XP Haha, really? And YES!!! That would make my whole week!!! Really? I figured that South Carolina got more snow than that… I guess, since I live in the south and get plenty of snow (or at least north of us, out of the river valley, does), I just assumed you guys did, too. Oh, yeah, it's a beautiful song. ^^ Really? I like that song… I should listen to more by them, though…


	27. Bite

**Title:** Reel 'Em In

**Theme:** Bite

**Words:** 1,783

**Rating:** T

**Fluff Rating:** Sanji and Nami are in that odd "friends with benefits" relationship again, and are probably going to be a real couple eventually. Barring Nami and Sanji's, ah, admiration for each other (well, mostly Nami's because Sanji's is just him being him), this could be read as nakamaship.

**Warnings:** Mild Language

**Notes:** I fail at fishing. Everything Nami does is something I would do. I also refuse to bait my own hooks. What can I say; fishing's just not my thing.

**Summary:** "I was hoping that we could fish together, Nami-san."

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Reel 'Em In

By Dandy Wonderous

"Have you ever been fishing, Nami-san?"

Nami looked slowly over the top of her book, eyebrow raising above the frame of her sunglasses. "No. Why?"

Sanji was grinning, holding a pole out to her. "Want to try?"

The eyebrow raised further. "Why would I do that?"

His grin faltered ever so slightly, but he kept that lovesick gleam in his eye. "Well, I need some help."

"So get Luffy and Usopp."

"Those shitheads can't catch anything worth shit. And I usually end up diving after our dear shitty hammer of a captain, so it's just a pain in the ass. And…" His smile grew more eager. "I was thinking it was something we could do together."

Nami thought for sure the last word was going to make him faint, but he managed to stay standing, albeit a little wiggly.

She sighed and set her book aside. Seriously, go on a few dates with a guy, sneak some kisses in the galley, cuddle while the rest of the crew was in bed, and suddenly you were expected to drop whatever you were doing just because he wanted to spend time with you. How inconsiderate.

She reminded herself of all this when she grudgingly sat her book down and stood up, pulling her shear cover-up over her bare shoulders, and relented with a resigned, "Fine." She also told herself that the look of pure joy on his face and the smoky kiss he landed on her lips were _not_ worth it. Just like the way he had decided it was too hot and had tossed his suit jacket aside and unbuttoned his shirt was _not_ having an affect on her. Nor was the way his well muscled chest peeked out between the two folds of blue, so well defined and yet not overwhelmingly so like Zoro's, but just right, with one small bead of sweat slowly rolling down his pecs and then making its way over his abs and to the waist of his slacks…

Nope. No affect _whatsoever._

"Nami-san?"

The navigator snapped out of her little trance and snatched the offered pole out of his grasp. "Just for a little while, mind you," she snapped, following him to the rail. "I'm very busy."

One of the perks of having a-friend, kissing partner, human pillow?-_nakama_ like Sanji was that he didn't point out that she had been sitting on the deck reading a romance novel. Instead he cooed some nonsense about how "wonderful Nami-san was when she took time out of her busy schedule" for him and picked up the massive can of bait. Without a hint of hesitation he reached in and pulled out a grub twice as fat and long as his thumb.

Nami couldn't hide her shudder of repulsion. "How can you actually _hold_ that thing?"

To her satisfaction, he sounded just as disgusted as she did. "I'd rather not, but the fish like them." He scowled at the grub, looking every bit like he wanted to fling the whole can into the ocean, but then he shook his head and grabbed his pole. With a strange mixture of relish and reluctance he speared the grub on the hook, then cast his line, giving her a sort of play-by-play as he did. "See, you want to be smooth as you can, and get it out there; our ship makes the fish a little uneasy, so they stay back a little ways." He propped his pole up against the railing and reached once again into the can. "Would you like me to bait your hook for you, Nami-san?"

"Yes," she answered quickly, thrusting the hook forward. He laughed and put the grub on the hook. "So now I cast?"

"Yep." Sanji grabbed her hands and repositioned them on the pole. "Now, hold down this button… yeah. And you're going to pull back your arm, then arch it like this." He moved her arm through the movement. "And when you get right about here, release the button, and you'll cast."

Well, that seemed easy enough. He let go and she tried to replicate the fluid, confident arch of his arm when he had cast his own line. She was too jerky, though, and her hook ended up falling to the ocean in a sad, wobbly spiral.

"That was a wonderful first try, Nami-swan!" Sanji praised, noodling around her.

She rolled her eyes. "No it wasn't! It didn't go anywhere."

"You're better than Luffy, at least," he said sincerely. "He let go too early and his hook went into Usopp's lip."

Nami sighed. "Great. I'm better than the resident idiots; that's good to know."

She reeled her line back in, he apologizing for offending her and encouraging her to try again. She pulled her arm back and prepared to cast again.

That's when she felt the sudden warmth of his body pressed against her back. His hand ghosted down her shoulder-she repressed a slight nervous shudder-and then traveled up to wrap around hers and the pole. She looked at it curiously; she had never noticed how long and slender his fingers were before.

He lined his arm up with hers and pulled her back in the correct form. "Like this," he repeated, then brought her arm forward. "And you'll release there… like that." He stepped back. "Now you try."

Nami nodded and tried again with new determination. This time the line went out in a wobbly but solid arc, landing several feet short of his own hook. "Hah!" she spat triumphantly at the pole.

"Excellent job, Nami-san!" Sanji twittered, fluttering around her excitedly. "That was just beautiful! Now reel in the slack… Wonderful!"

"Now what do I do, Sanji-kun?"

He picked up his own abandoned pole and started reeling in the line. "Just wait until you get a bite, Nami-san." His grub had been eaten off while he was helping her, but he made no comment, just baited his hook again and cast. "Tell me when you feel a tug and I'll help you."

For several minutes they stood by the rail in silence, Nami enjoying the sun on her face and the relative peace (ignoring the morons gallivanting about the deck behind them, of course). Next to her, Sanji lit a cigarette and smoked it contentedly, blowing smoke rings. Most of them were normal, but a few were noticeably heart-shaped.

She had almost forgotten all about fishing when there was a sudden soft tug on her line, and the bobber dipped down sharply. Another, harder tug, and the bobber disappeared completely. "Sanji-kun!" she cried in alarm, grabbing his arm in surprised panic.

He almost lost it to the sudden touch, but pulled himself together. "Jerk on the line, Nami-san! You have to get the hook in him!"

Nami pulled rather ineffectually on the pole. "Like that?"

The warmth returned, his hands wrapping once more around hers. He jerked quickly, hard. "Like that."

"Now what, now what!?" She was quickly getting caught up in the excitement of her first catch, against her will.

"Reel him in!"

She began turning the reel furiously, pulling up on the pole. She gave it slack and yanked when Sanji commanded, tongue poking out in concentration, as she did battle with the fish on her line. "Aah! Stupid fish, come on!"

"Do you want me to-"

"No!" she snapped quickly, yanking again on the pole. "I'll get him!"

"Nami-san is beautiful like this, too!"

She didn't answer, all her energy going into reeling in the fish. _He's such a fighter; he must be HUGE!!!_ she thought triumphantly.

The fish fought back, pulling on her hook angrily. She watched in horror as the thin wire slipped back off her pole. "No! Stupid fish!"

"Nami-san-"

"I got it!"

Sanji leaned back and watched in appreciation as she struggled, arching her back angrily to reel in the stubborn fish. It was all he could do to keep from getting a nosebleed as the cover-up slipped down her shoulders and her bikini top flashed in the sunlight.

"Ack! I give up!" She turned a pout on him. "Help."

"Anything for you, Nami-san!" He twirled behind her again and started reeling in the fish furiously. "I'll get the shitty fish for you!"

It took him a few seconds of reeling, but with a final sharp tug he brought her catch up out of the water. Nami lost her balance and the two went sprawling on top of each other in a heap, the fish landing with a wet flop nearby. They hurried to untangle themselves, laughing triumphantly at their victory over the monster. Then they moved to look at it.

The two stared at it for a few silent seconds.

Then Sanji turned around quickly, hand clamped to his mouth in an effort to stifle himself.

Nami quickly straightened from her examination of her prize and punched him in the head. "Hey! Don't laugh at me!"

"I-I-I'm s-sorry, Na-haha, Nami-san, hahahaha!" He struggled to compose himself as she hit him again. "It's just… it's… so… SMALL!"

Indeed, the fish was very small, a pound at the most and probably, she thought forlornly, not even that much. She frowned and knelt next to it as it flopped on the deck.

"He may be small, but he's a real fighter!" she defended sourly. As though in agreement, the fish hopped up in an incredible maneuver and slapped her in the face with its tail. "Aah!"

Sanji stopped laughing abruptly, kicking the fish several feet across the lawn. "Don't treat Nami-san like that, shitty fish!"

As she watched it flop in protest, the navigator couldn't help but be amused by the whole thing herself. She laughed before turning back to Sanji. "What are we going to do with him?"

"Well, he's too small to eat, so I guess I'll just toss him back…" He picked it up and pulled the hook from its mouth. The fish, defeated, ceased its struggling.

Nami thought about it, then shook her head. "Let's put it in the aquarium. To commemorate my first catch."

"Nami-san has the best ideas!"

After the unruly fish had been put in the tank, he came back and looked at her hopefully. "Are you going to go back to reading your book now, Nami-san?"

She shook her head, smiling, and took his hand. "I kind of like this fishing thing. As long as you bait my hooks," she added, leading him back to the poles.

"Anything for you, Nami-san!"

She glanced back at him as they walked, at that teasing chest with thin rivulets of sweat trickling slowly down…

"By the way, Sanji-kun, it's awfully hot. Don't you think you'd be cooler if you took off your shirt?"

**The End**

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A/N: You know YOU would be trying to talk him into taking his shirt off, too. XP

Sadly, we're almost at the end. TAT The last three are actually a three-part fic, which is why I've been saving them until the end.

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Pikinanou: Thanks! I'm glad you thought so. ^^ Reeeaaally!?! I'm so excited!! Thank you so much! I can't wait to see it! (I would comment on your pictures directly, but I don't have a deviantart. *sweatdrop*)

Baka~chan: 1) Trust me, I understand. *pat* Thanks for returning to read, though! Oh dear, I've traumatized yet another reader. -_- EW!!! Yes, I know who you're talking about, and EW! Bad mental images!!!!! *cowers* Of course he wouldn't! He loves her figure just as much as she does. XP 2) Unlucky: Yes, he did. XP Don't worry, I think I'M in more danger of that than you. XP No, I've dropped mine on the floor of this bathroom at camp once. It had unidentifiable brown and green gunk on it. O.O' Thanks! They were only a day away, so he has one more bad day to endure before they get back. XP Tombstone: Thank you! Glad you liked it! 3) Lol! You can't say I didn't warn you! XP


	28. Grand Line

"**Snow" now has fanart! Thanks to pikinanou!!! I'll just post a direct link on my profile, since last time it didn't work here…**

**Title:** Eyes of All Blue (part 1 of 3)

**Theme:** Grand Line

**Words:** 912

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating:** This part, not so high. Next two parts… yeeeaaah, if you don't like fluff, don't even bother.

**Warnings:** None (other than Sanji not being in this one (and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth))

**Notes:** This is part one of the three part-er. It was really fun to do these three in chapters rather than oneshots. I hope you enjoy!

…Oh, and freakin' unoriginal restaurant name ahoy. *smacks self repeatedly with shoe*

**Summary:** It had been five long years, but Nami was finally back in the Grand Line…

**

* * *

**

Eyes of All Blue

By Dandy Wonderous

Nami stood at the prow of the ferry and breathed in the wonderful smell of sea water and salty winds. The Grand Line really was just like she remembered, and it made her sad that a Log Pose wasn't strapped to her wrist as the ship cut through her waters.

It had been some kind of difficult to get here in the first place. She had contacted the Strawhats' fifth division commander, a man she had never been particularly fond of, but Luffy saw something in him and he knew better than she did when it came to these things. The commander had asserted that he had more important things to do than cart her through the Calm Belt to that beautiful sea just past Raftel that was cradled against the back side of Reverse Mountain, even though his seastone lined warship could make the trip in about a week and a half. Of course, a quick call to the Pirate King's ship had cleared that up; Usopp had assured the commander that Nami was easily scarier than the legendary swordsman Zoro when even mildly upset, and she had been about to give a demonstration when he relented.

Ten days later, she had been dropped off at a nearby island and boarded a ferry that took passengers to a young but already famous restaurant that floated directly over the teeming waters of All Blue, the _Baratie II_. Nami could see a small speck in the distance that looked somewhat like the silhouette of a giant fish; that had to be it.

"Oi," she said to one of the ferry workers, and he looked up from scrubbing the deck.

"Yes ma'am?"

"The owner of the _Baratie II_… what can you tell me about him?"

The man smiled. "Boss? Well, everyone knows that he's the former cook for the Pirate King. He established this restaurant twelve years after the legendary Strawhat crew found One Piece."

"Ah, so the restaurant's only been here for five years," she said with an air of interest, though she already knew all of that. She could remember it so well herself, after all.

"_So you're staying here for good now?"_

"_Yeah. Ringo's more than able to keep you guys well fed. Even that shitty captain…"_

"_Well, he did learn from the best."_

"_Nami-swan's so beautiful when she compliments me!"_

"_You won't be sad when we leave?"_

"…_I've seen more of the Grand Line than I ever wished to. A lot's been bad, but even more has been good. Still… my dream is here. And yours is out there, finishing your map."_

"_That wasn't the question."_

"…_Yes, I'll be sad. But I'll be so busy with the restaurant, and Luffy will be wanting to come back so often, I won't have time to miss you."_

"…_Then I won't miss you, either. I'll be glad you're here with All Blue."_

"…_Nami-san?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_If you ask me to go… I'll go."_

"…_I know."_

"Yes," the man said, breaking through the memory. "In that time he's already become the most famous cook in any Blue. The recipes he's come up with here are revolutionary and delicious. People work hard for a year to come here just once, and they leave craving to eat the food everyday."

_I know the feeling._ "Is that so?"

"Yeah." The man sat up on his knees and looked out toward the steadily growing ship. "That's why this ferry job is so coveted; Boss makes lunch and supper for us himself. Hundreds come and beg for positions, but he only gives them to those who have nowhere else to turn." He got a misty look in his eyes. "Boss saved my life, you know. I really owe him one."

Nami smirked and followed his gaze. "As expected of Sanji-kun." _He always did have a bleeding heart._

"Ma'am?"

She turned around and waved it off, smiling widely. "Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just excited about the food I've been hearing about. I-"

"Hey, Mom!"

Nami was interrupted by a boy who suddenly came running to the front of the ferry, skidding to a stop just short of running into her. "What are you doing, eh?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

The boy looked just like his mother. He had her face shape, her bright orange hair, her slender build. The only ways he differed, the only things he had inherited from his father, were the way his eyebrows curled up and in at the ends and eyes as blue as the sea they were sailing across.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long strand of pearls and several rings and beri bills. "Look what I found!"

Nami glanced quickly at the ferry worker, but he had finished his scrubbing here and was moving on. Then she smiled down at her son. "Pick pocketing again? You weren't seen, were you?" He shook his head and she laughed and ruffled his hair fondly. "Good boy."

Yes, he was just like his mother.

"Is that where we're going, Mom?" he asked, pulling himself on tiptoe to properly see over the rail and look out at the floating restaurant, which was now much closer and easily visible.

She picked him up and stood him on the rail, holding his shoulders so he wouldn't lose balance. "Yep."

"To meet Dad?"

She reached a hand around idly and ran a finger over the swirl in his eyebrow. "Yes, Kane. To meet Dad."

**To Be Continued**

* * *

A/N: Kane=Golden. I thought it was a fitting name for Nami's kid. XD

ALSO! Ringo (besides being named after the ever awesome Ringo Star) was… probably Sanji's apprentice. As mentioned, this takes place AT LEAST seventeen years after the current storyline, but probably a year or two more. I was thinking Sanji and Nami were almost forty at this point.

Crap restaurant name, I know. At least I didn't go for the obvious Sanji kid name!

(…His middle name is probably Zeff. *whistles innocently*)

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Pikinanou: Woot! I have successfully converted another minion! I mean… fan. *shifty eyes* XD I'm glad you like it! THAAAANK YOOOUUUU!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!! Cuddly, cuddly, cuddly… Heehee. XD I saw that one, too; it was awesome! I love fem!Zoro, she look really cool. ^^

Baka~chan: 1) Dinosaur: Haha, I'm glad. ^^ Thank you! Haha, that's cuz dinos are awesome!!! XD Me too; I dislike gambling (though I've been seriously tempted to get a lotto ticket just cuz I'm old enough to now… XP). If only Sanji had known about that trick… Snow: Thanks! I like doing a little speculation now and then. ^^ They are pretty cool, but I hate winter, so I prefer when they're not around. XP Pain: Hahaha, yup! Uh, yeah, I like to think it was probably… sometime after all their dreams have been accomplished. Like, post-series. That's when I usually set baby fics; it's easier that way. Duel: Black Friday is not for the faint of heart or stomach! XP Yeah, he just can't catch a break. It was epic, I assure you! It was in the shape of a small mikan tree, complete with cream cheese icing mikans and everything! XD Thanks! Outcast: Aw, thanks! No, there is some stuff you just can't capture through OC fics… Sickness: Yeah, that was Sanji (and Usopp, and I think Luffy, too). This probably takes place sometime on the Sunny. It's the first time he's ever been sick, poor thing. XP Yup, yup! 2) Bite: No… Confession time! I hate AFV with a burning passion. There's nothing appealing to me about people falling down over and over. Country Fried Home Videos, on the other hand… I could watch that all day. Of course, part of that is for Bill Engvall, my fave comedian. XD That sounds funny, though. XP Chess: Well, she IS the third smartest person in East Blue, so she's probably pretty good at it, or could be if she learned. Thanks! Probably, but I honestly think most of them were just thugs. XP

Chris F.: Haha, thanks! I hate the way I write Nami, so that's comforting. ^^ Yeah, I understand, but it IS in her nature to be somewhat cruel. Yup! Well, he's such a sweetie pie. XD Thanks! YOU KNOW IT!!!!! I love sexy Sanji descriptions… XD Oh, he won't, trust me. XP Haha, I had serious fishing problems in Twilight Princess. By the time I fed that cat I was like, "I just want to shoot this dang blasted fish!!! ROAR!!!" XP


	29. Welcome

**Title:** Eyes of All Blue (part 2 of 3)

**Theme:** Welcome

**Words:** 2,450

**Rating:** K+

**Fluff Rating:** HIGH!!!

**Warnings:** A few curses

**Notes:** As it says, this is part two of the three part-er. Other than that, I have nothing to say…

**Summary:** Five years gone, and she had some pretty big news to break to him…

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* * *

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Eyes of All Blue

By Dandy Wonderous

The ferry docked at the floating restaurant and the other passengers crowded excitedly off, forming a tittering line in front of the door. A tag team of five bubbly hostesses greeted them, taking names and hurriedly leading them away to their tables reserved months in advance. There were tables set aside for those without a reservation as well, hungry pirates and other sailors who came by, already filled by the occupants of four ships bobbing by the dock. Nami ignored the protests of the waiting diners and marched right up to the door, Kane held securely to her side.

"What an adorable little boy!" one of the hostesses cooed. Nami took note of their incredibly short skirts and v-necked tops; most likely the owner's standard issue uniform for all female staff. She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and smiled at them.

"Thank you! Um, I have a little business to take care of." She pushed Kane forward a little, and he gave them his standard cute, innocent boy face. "Do you mind watching him for me? Just for a little while? He won't be any trouble; he'll just sit behind the stand and watch the ships." Kane nodded earnestly.

The hostesses looked at each other uncertainly for a moment, but then what appeared to be the head hostess nodded with a bright smile and reached out her hand, which Kane took. "Sure, we'll let him sit here."

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" Nami trilled. She bent down to her son's level and gave him a hug. "Now be good, Kane." The name was stressed for the benefit of the hostesses.

"Okay, Mommy."

She smiled at them one last time and then waltzed through the door.

The hostesses tittered over the boy for a moment before one of them looked up and blinked in confusion. "Wait… did she have a reservation?"

* * *

"Whoa there, missy!"

Nami took a deep breath before turning to look at the big waiter who had arrested her shoulder. "Yes?"

"Where do you think you're off to?" he demanded, folding his arms.

"Just trying to find the ladies' room," she answered, keeping a cheery, unassuming smile on her face.

"I haven't noticed you at any of the tables, and I haven't seen a hostess walk you in," the man said suspiciously. "Do you have a reservation?"

"Of course!" she answered back confidently.

He didn't believe her. "Trying to sneak back to Boss's office and rob him blind, are you?"

She held up her hands defensively. "No, really, I'm not!" For once in her life it was completely honest.

"Come on, this way," he snapped gruffly, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back the way she had been going, but toward a different door. "Boss would probably give everything over to you on a silver platter," he muttered quietly. "I'm not letting him get hurt."

Nami gave up and followed before she got dragged. She wasn't sure whether to be offended that she was getting treated this way automatically (though she knew they must get thieves often enough that the staff knew to be wary of those who didn't appear to belong) or relieved that Sanji had found people loyal enough to look out for him so thoroughly. Because this waiter was right; that idiot love-cook would give anything to the first pretty face to bat her eyelashes.

The waiter led her into a storage closet between the kitchen and what she guessed was Sanji's office. There he left her, and went to tell someone of the thief, to know what was to be done with her. She sat down on a crate and waited patiently. She shouldn't have to wait long; if he was anything like he was five years ago, he still didn't miss anything going on his kitchen, and it would be only a matter of time before he learned a woman was being treated inhospitably by his men.

Sure enough, minutes later she heard, "You put her WHERE!?!" followed by the unmistakable and familiar sounds of someone getting kicked and someone hitting the floor.

Then the door was wrenched open and there was Sanji, bowing apologetically, eyes to the floor. She took him in; he looked hardly any different, and seeing him hardened all the fuzzy edges of her memory. "I am so sorry, mademoiselle," he was saying, and she snapped back to attention and got to her feet. "I can't believe one of my own staff was so rude. Rest assured that I will make sure you are…" He finally straightened his back, trailing off as he took in orange hair, longer than before, amber eyes meeting his blue one from over a broad, dazzlingly white smile.

"Hello, Sanji-kun," she greeted, tilting her head slightly.

"N-nami-san…" He was slack-jawed, and she had to fight the urge not to laugh at him.

The urge went away quickly, though, when she realized she didn't know what to say to him. She had left, both expecting to see each other in a few months time, and then hadn't returned for five years. And now here she was, and at a total loss for words.

But as words failed her, he found them. He broke into a wide smile and grabbed her hand. "Nami-san, if I had known you were coming I would have sent out for some mikans. Come on, you can eat in the back dining room, it's reserved for our nakama only." He tugged her along with all the exuberance of a child, and she laughed and followed him.

As they walked through the restaurant he gave her a running commentary, pointing out pieces of décor that Luffy had brought him as souvenirs from their adventures and identifying staff, including Burns, the man who had grabbed her: "Not a bad guy, really, but he doesn't know how to treat a lady." He opened a large door to reveal a spacious dining room with a single long table in it. "The head chair is for Luffy," he explained, "but otherwise you can sit wherever you want."

Nami sat down at a chair toward the end of the table closest to the door and he went around and sat across from her. One of the waiters came in and Sanji told him to fetch a certain bottle of wine he had put away for a special occasion.

For a second they were both silent, then opened their mouths at the same time.

"I-"

"Uh-"

Their jaws snapped shut again. Sanji fidgeted with his tie and said, "Ladies first."

_What a cop out. _"Your restaurant is truly beautiful," she said, looking around appreciatively. "A lot better than that shack we left you in."

He smiled self-consciously. "Thank you, Nami-san." He hesitated, then continued. "They told me you had gone back to Cocoyashi."

"Right," she nodded. Though of course she already knew he knew that; she still had all his letters. Even the one from three years ago, the last, the one that read, "Since you still haven't written me back, I take it to mean you don't want me to write you anymore."

It wasn't that she hadn't _wanted_ to write him back; God knows she had so many unsent letters hidden in the box with all his sent ones. But she didn't want him to know about Kane, not yet, and to write him a letter without mentioning the boy would have been like denying he existed. Maybe not writing a letter was just as bad, but she felt better about it that way. So instead she told the others to tell him that she was doing well, not to worry about her… and now she felt incredibly guilty. How it must have hurt him, to sit here all alone, thinking she no longer wanted to hear from him.

Or _was_ he all alone?

The waiter returned with the wine and Sanji ordered for them. She didn't protest; he would know better than she what she wanted to eat. Once they were alone again, she asked the question that had been worrying her. "So… do you have a little wife? Or girlfriend?"

He seemed a little surprised by the question, but he answered nonetheless. "No, actually. I'm still a bachelor." He shrugged.

Nami forced the relief off her face. It made things much easier when she didn't have to meet some strange woman and introduce her to the son her husband didn't know he had.

"And you?" he asked, trying not to look too anxious.

She shook her head. "Nope. No husband here." _Because it's just you… it's _always_ been just you…_

Nami's mind slid back to that last night, five years ago.

_He, sitting in a chair with his feet braced on the table so that it balanced on two legs, smoking a cigarette and watching the smoke twirl up toward the ceiling. She, sitting on the table and staring at the kitchen, _his_ kitchen, because his it would always be, regardless of where he went._

"_If you ask me to go… I'll go."_

"_I know."_

_He exhaled heavily, the smoke streaming out in a steady river. She always thought he looked like some sort of dragon when he did that. He put the spent butt into the ashtray on the table and slowly lowered the chair back to the floor. She swiveled and sat in the chair next to him._

_For a moment they were completely silent._

_Then he turned and took her face in his hands and turned it toward him. She stared into his eyes, deep and blue like the sea of his dreams. She wrapped her hands into his blond hair and leaned in until her nose touched his. He tilted his head, and they kissed._

_They knew, in that moment, that everything, from the moment they met in the Baratie, had been leading up to this climax. He led her around the counter and they made love right there, in the floor of his kitchen._

"_Sanji?" she whispered after, as they were both trying not to fall asleep, she draped in his suit jacket._

"_Yeah?"_

"_If you ask me to stay… I'll stay."_

"_I know."_

_The next morning she woke up alone, in her bed, with a note on the table next to her with one word written on it:_

"_Go."_

"Good," he said, jerking her back to the present. "I mean," he amended hastily, "it's not good that you don't have anyone, but it's… I…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I should stop talking."

She grinned. "No, that's okay. I like listening to you."

His eyes didn't turn into hearts anymore, but they did light up brightly and he cooed like he always used to. "Nami-san is too kind!" Then he ceased wriggling in his chair. "But I have to ask, um… why _are_ you here?"

"Well, I wanted to visit you!" she answered with fake cheerfulness. He raised his curly eyebrow, and she sighed and smiled wryly. "Okay, so I have another reason. I have… something to show you."

The waiter returned before Sanji could ask what she meant, placing salads in front of them.

"Anything else, Boss, Miss?"

"Yes," said Nami quickly. "I left something with the hostesses outside. Can you get it and bring it here?"

The waiter nodded and left. Sanji looked at her curiously, but she smiled and changed the subject. "So, this room is just for when Luffy and the others visit, right? Do they come often?"

He grinned at the welcome topic. "Oh yeah, they come back about once a month or so when they're on this half of the Grand Line. They're on the other side right now, though, so I haven't seen them in awhile…" He trailed off, glancing wistfully down at his hands. Nami felt that guilt in her stomach again. At least she had Kane and Nojiko, but even with all his loyal employees Sanji had to be lonely here.

"Sanji…"

"Hey, Mom!"

* * *

The door burst open, and Sanji looked over just in time to see a boy with bright orange hair trip in and run across the floor to Nami's chair. With no invitation he climbed up into her lap, saying something excitedly about a big fish with tusks the restaurant's fishermen had been bringing in when he left.

Sanji's immediate instinct was to yell at the brat to stop bothering Nami-san, but he stopped short when one word clicked in his brain and echoed forcefully.

_Mom, mom, mom, mom…_

He wanted to kick himself. "No husband," she had said. But that didn't mean there hadn't been, or wasn't, someone special waiting in Cocoyashi for her. He had been such an idiot, caught up in all those romantic notions, thinking to himself that she would come back when her map was done and they would play happy family together until death did they part.

All notions of leaving with her, or having her stay here, crumbled around him. Nami had a life that didn't include him, of course she did. They, as a couple, were over; had been over since five years ago when he found a note waiting on the table for him:

"Stay."

He wasn't angry at Nami, of course, but was furious at himself for getting his hopes up. She had moved on, and only his stupidity had kept him from doing the same.

"Who is this?" he asked, trying to not sound completely devastated.

She grinned and got out of her chair, placing the wriggling boy on the floor. They walked around to his side, and he got up himself.

"Sanji, this is Kane," she introduced, and the boy looked up at him, quiet now and with a sort of nervous fear.

Sanji examined the boy. He looked so much like Nami, like a miniature male version, all except his eyes, which were the deepest blue, and his eyebrows, which…

The chef's heart nearly stopped.

"Hello," greeted Kane at the prompting of a nudge from Nami.

"Hello," he answered mechanically. Then his eyes stopped tracing the swirl in the little boy's eyebrows and raised to Nami, who was smiling expectantly. "H-how old is he?"

Her smile broadened. "He's five."

A short nervous laugh. Sanji's eyes snapped back done to Kane and he knelt down next to him. "Hello," he repeated. "I'm Sanji."

Kane stared back at him curiously. "Are you my daddy?"

Another short chuckle. Sanji glanced up at Nami, who nodded. He put a hand on Kane's shoulder.

"Yes. Yes, I am." He swallowed and nervously wrapped the boy into a hug. Kane laughed and put his short arms around Sanji's waist. "Welcome to the _Baratie II_."

**To Be Continued**

* * *

A/N: "Burns" is named after my favorite anal army surgeon, Major Frank Burns, from _M*A*S*H_. XD

Also, I know it probably wouldn't be realistic for Kane to call Sanji his daddy so quickly. But I don't care. I like the fuzzy. ^^


	30. Whale

**Title:** Eyes of All Blue (part 3 of 3)

**Theme:** Whale

**Words:** 1,639

**Rating:** K

**Fluff Rating: **HIGH!

**Warnings:** None (unless you are deathly afraid of whales…)

**Notes:** Wow… it's the end. Oh dear, that's depressing… ROUND THREE STARTS IN TWO DAYS!!! It's not too late to make claims! So come join if you're interested! ^^

**Summary:** And now they were all together. A family. At last.

**

* * *

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**Eyes of All Blue**

By Dandy Wonderous

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Nami knew the question had been coming, so luckily she had her answer thought out. "If I had told you, what would you have done?"

The two of them were standing side by side on deck. Not far away, Kane watched the restaurant's fishermen at work, bubbling with all sorts of questions about the fish they brought in. Sanji had been unable to take his eyes off the boy since they met an hour ago, as though he were making up for the five years he had missed.

"I would have brought you out here, of course," he answered simply, a smile playing on his lips. His crewmen were putting up an annoyed front, but he knew they were already growing attached to the kid, answering him with enthusiasm coated in irritation.

Nami sighed; she had expected that. "I couldn't raise my baby in the middle of the Grand Line, Sanji-kun. Even out here, in All Blue, it's not safe. And you were trying to get the restaurant started; a baby would've been in your way."

He started to argue, but couldn't dispute everything. Instead, he said, "Then I would've gone to East Blue."

Nami smiled wryly. "I wasn't taking your dream from you. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself."

"But what about _your_ dream, Nami-san?"

"I'm still working on the map. We got most of the Grand Line done during our adventures, and Robin's good about sending me maps she finds for the new places they visit-"

"But…?"

She winced. "But it's not the same as being there myself." She took a deep, slow breath. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

His head snapped around to look at her in surprise. "Nami-san?"

She wouldn't look at him. Instead, she turned and walked toward the edge of the deck, staring out at the crystal waters of All Blue. "Sanji, I… I want to go adventuring again. Not just because I have to finish the map, but because I miss it. And I miss _them_. Our nakama."

Sanji walked up behind her and put a hand gently, hesitantly, on her shoulder. She didn't acknowledge him and continued. "I'm not as worried about Kane now. He's a strong boy; he'll be okay here on the restaurant. One day, he'll be more than strong enough for the entire Grand Line, and then-"

"I understand," Sanji cut her off, tone slightly melancholy. "You can trust me to take care of him until he's old enough to join you."

She seemed to stiffen under his hand, and then she shook her head. "No, no, that's not what I meant."

His eye widened. "But Nami, I thought you-"

"I _do_ want to go back to the _Sunny_, but not alone." She looked around at him. "I want to stay here, with you, until Kane is old enough to go out to sea. And then, if you want to, I want us all to go. Together." She took another deep breath. "If you'll let us."

Sanji was completely blank for a second, then he grabbed her around the waist without warning and swung her around in a circle, laughing. "_Let_ you!?! Nami-san, if you want, I'll get on my knees right now and _beg_ you!"

She laughed with him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he twirled her. "Then I guess we're staying here!"

"Hey, Boss!"

"What!?!" Sanji snapped, reluctantly stopping to glare at the fisherman who had interrupted him.

"We got whales," the man retorted flatly, jabbing his thumb at the sea. Behind him, Nami could see gray, bulb-ish shapes rising out of the sea, spouts of water shooting from their blowholes.

"Whoa!" yelled Kane, staring at them. "What are they?"

Sanji gently sat Nami down on deck and walked over to him. "That's a pod of island whales."

"Island whales?"

"Yeah. They come from South Blue."

The boy tilted his head, confused. "But why are they called island whales?"

"Because one day they'll be as big as an island."

"…You're as bad as Uncle Usopp."

"HAH!?!"

The boy folded his arms and looked up at him in disbelief. "There's no way those little whales will EVER be as big as an island. They're not even as big as a ship now!"

Sanji had to bite back a laugh. With that stern, no nonsense face, Kane looked just like his mother. "They can, though. I've seen it."

"Yeah right."

"I have! Na… your mom has, too."

"Can you prove it?"

Sanji studied the kid with a critical eye, then smirked and picked him up without warning. "Sure can. We'll ride the whales."

"Ride them?" Kane repeated, curious despite himself.

"Yeah. You'll like it, I promise."

"Sanji…" began Nami worriedly, taking a few steps over.

"Don't worry, Nami-san, I've done this before," he assured her. He whistled, and one of the little whales whistled back and swam to the deck.

"Hey, Miga," he said to the whale, bending with Kane still in his arms. "How're you today?" He reached out and stroked the smooth skin. "You wanna pet her, too?"

Kane hesitated, then reached out and put his hand on the whale. It gurgled happily and leaned closer to the deck.

"Hey, Clint, give her a fish!" Sanji called over his shoulder. One of the fishermen grabbed a fish and tossed it into Miga's mouth.

"Miga's a good whale," Sanji said to Kane while she ate. "She'll take care of us, won'tcha, girl?"

The whale whistled again, and Sanji grinned and stood up. He hopped nimbly onto Miga's back and then straddled her, setting Kane in front of him.

Nami was nervous at first, but then as she watched the whale swim smoothly through the water with the two on her back, seeing Sanji point out fish and other whales and hearing Kane's happy chatter, she was calmed. The whales bumped against Kane's leg and spit water up in his face playfully, causing him to shriek with laughter, and Sanji looked back over his shoulder at her with a smile. She grinned back and gave him a thumbs up.

Then a huge dark shadow appeared out in the ocean. Sure it was a sea king, she made to warn them…

A whale rose from the ocean, as big as Laboon or bigger, and the little babies swam around it, whistling happily.

"Wow! It IS as big as an island!"

"I told you, didn't I?"

"It's HUGE! Do you see this, Dad!?!"

Sanji almost fell off the whale. He blinked a few times, then smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I see it."

Nami laughed in relief and watched her son and his father, together at last.

* * *

Later that night, all three of them sat around a table on deck, drinking hot chocolate and watching the whales splash and play in the moonlight.

"Kane," said Nami, interrupting his chatter about the sea king Clint had been telling him about. "What would you say if I said we were going to live here now?"

Sanji sat down his cup and pulled at the slack in his tie nervously. Nami had tried to reassure him all afternoon that Kane liked him, but she wasn't sure how much he believed her.

"On this ship?" Kane asked, looking slightly confused.

"Yes. On this ship with your dad."

Sanji tried to smile, but ended up looking back down in his cup.

He seemed to consider. "Will I get to fish and stuff everyday?"

Nami looked at Sanji, and he nodded. "If you want to, you can."

"Will you fish with me?"

Sanji nodded again. "If you want me to."

He looked between the two of them, then stared at Nami. "Mom, do _you_ like it here?"

She grinned. "Yep! Do you?"

"Yeah, it's cool!" He smiled brightly.

Sanji let out a nervous laugh. "So you'd be okay with living here?"

"I want to."

Sanji beamed.

"Besides, you cook WAY better than Mom."

"Hey!"

The chef laughed while Nami grabbed Kane's ear and gave him a finger wagging talk about respecting his mother. It was still so much to take in; never would he have believed that Nami would be sitting on his ship, with his _son_, no less!

It was like finding All Blue again. No; it was _better_.

After the moon was high and the hot chocolate was gone, Kane sat in Nami's lap, eyelids drooping. She gathered him in her arms and stood. "Where should I take him?"

"Uh…" He honestly didn't know. "I guess you two can take my room, and I'll sleep in the crew's quarters."

"We'll all sleep in your room, then," she said with a smile, taking his hand in her free one. "We're a family now, remember?"

Sanji nodded sheepishly. "Uh, yeah, okay."

He led them to his room, small but cozy. The bed, Nami noted with satisfaction, was more than big enough for the three of them until they got another room for Kane set up.

Nami laid him down and tucked him in, then kissed his forehead. "Go on to sleep, honey. Your father and I have some catching up to do. Goodnight."

"Night, Mom. Night, Dad."

"G-goodnight."

"You'll get used to it," she promised him as she pulled him back out of the room and shut the door.

"I hope so." He shook his head. "By the way, what do you mean, catching up?"

She didn't answer immediately, instead leading him away.

"When I wake up this time," she said finally, "will there be a note waiting?"

They were halfway across the dining room, in the middle of a puddle of moonlight. He stopped her, pulled her to him, and kissed her, passionately enough for five years of separation.

"No," he finally breathed against her ear. "No note. Just me."

**The End**

* * *

A/N: If you're wondering, Laboon is an island whale.

Well, that's that, ladies and gents! I hope you enjoyed this month as much as I did!

Posting for Round Three starts day after tomorrow. I am doing… *drumroll please*

ROBIN+NAMI!!!

(Note: that's a plus, not an x. Nakamaship pairing.)

I actually had a beautiful AU idea for them, so that's what I've claimed.

Anyway, I again hope you all enjoyed this. I hope to see some of you in Round Three (I already know I've seen a few of you on the claims board, ^^), and for the rest of you I'll be back in July with a whole new thirty chapters!

And of course, I'm still doing Silvers Rayleigh stuff and other fics, so I'll be around, don't worry. ^^

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

Garland: Well, it's not necessarily five years to the day, and he may have been born a month or two early, and maybe… Uh… *grasping at straws*

…Okay, you got me. He should really be four, or not quite five yet. But I was a bit worried that it would be hard for Sanji to realize what was going on as easily if she said four instead of five. Sorry for the inaccuracy.

Though really, think about Rouge. If she can have a healthy baby after twenty months, Nami should have a healthy one after seven or eight. (…Yes, I realize that's totally not the same thing…)

And the sad thing is, I always made a big fuss about how _The Mummy Returns_ is set only eight years after _The Mummy_ and yet Alex is eight years old. O.O'

I'm sorry!!! *apologetic bow*

Alrighty then, I guess I'm signing off. ^^ Remember, come try the challenge if you feel up to it! Though you'll have to work pretty hard to beat the awesome team of Dandy and Misha (allbluechaser)!! We have TWO Gold Roger Awards to each of our names. Ooo, what now? XD

Dandy out. Peace. ^^

Eyes of All Blue


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